#41: Mary Anne vs. Logan

Logan Bruno is the original Edward Cullen. They're both overprotective and overbearing, although Cullen wins points for not having a painfully cliche super-Southern accent and Bruno wins points for not actually being a straight-up stalker. Soapbox moment: do not let your impressionable children read Twilight, lest they internalize the kind of freaky obsessive codependent relationship dynamics that Meyer insists are, like, romantic or something. Seriously, SO CREEPY.

Onwards.

Anyway, this is the book where Mary Anne realizes that Logan is totally Edward Cullen-ing her and cuts him loose, only to get back together with him 5 books later (in a tome creatively titled "Mary Anne Misses Logan" . . . which has possibly the best BSC cover of all time. I mean, look at that cover! It's a blog entry in itself.). Oh, Mary Anne. I'm choosing to forgive you because I too have made some not-so-stellar interpersonal choices. We live, we learn, and hopefully we graduate middle school (eventually) and drop the douchebag.

I probably wouldn't hate him so much if the ghostwriters didn't harp on that damn accent.

The fashion begins with "a typical Claudia outfit . . . black leggings [I can't escape them . . . 2008, 1991 - they're everywhere!], a baggy black-and-white shirtdress, low black shoes [up your shoe-description game, ghostwriters], and big wild earrings for her pierced ears." And then "blah blah blah Japanese-American = exotic blah blah junk food blah can't spell blah." Let's skip ahead!

"Claudia flopped onto her bed and leaned against the wall. She was looking especially acute that day. (Acute means cool. My friends and I make up words all the time, and only we know what they mean. [Actually, you guys merely redefine words that already exist, and not that creatively, either.] Distant [see?] and dibble [okay, got me there] also mean cool.) Claud was wearing an oversized raspberry-colored shirt, a short black skirt, and black leggings (the layered look). On her feet were black cowboy boots, and dangling from an earcuff was a huge collection of beads and stones. (Claud does have pierced ears, but the holes were empty.)"

Compared to Claudia, Mary Anne feels "like a complete nerd," and rightly so. ". . . I was wearing one of my better outfits: blue print pants that were wide on top but narrowed to cuffs at the ankles [zoot suit?], and a short-cropped t-shirt [Richard let her out of the house in a short-cropped t-shirt?] with the sleeves rolled up and this acute [sigh] picture of a cactus wearing a cowboy boot."

Oh yeah. Real acute.

Later, Logan comes over and basically orders Mary Anne to go on an impromptu date with him, and . . . I don't know, I just have to share this:

"'Logan!' I said, gasping. 'Slow down!' [Okay, out of context that comes across . . . wrong. They're ice skating, for the record. Perv.]
'Oh, you want a leisurely turn around the ice? That's a good idea. Then everyone can see what a great couple we make.'"

WHAT.