Like You Didn't Already Know the Internet Is A Pretty Strange Place
. . . I mean, you're here, aren't you?
. . . I mean, you're here, aren't you?
So I was aware there were BSC-related twitter accounts. I thought the concept was fairly amusing, especially when I found myself listed on maryanne_spier's "girlsiwishwereinthebsc" list (caption: "If these girls lived in Stoneybrook I'm sure we'd be best friends!"). I chuckled. I wondered how many eyerolls I'd get away with before they staged a sarcasm intervention. ("Kim, we're worried that you're not being sincere when you say hello to your friends. You haven't even updated your Kid Kit lately!") I thoughtfully (read: two martinis deep, finding myself hilarious) answered a tumblr question about whether I'd rather live with Mary Anne or Claudia.
Then I woke up around 4:00 a.m. the other night. I was sick. I could get into the snotty details, but you've all had colds before and you don't really care. I never ended up falling back asleep. Instead - and Isweartogodreallythishappened - I heard a cat inside my apartment.
I don't own a cat. Clearly, there was only one explanation.
Yup. My apartment is haunted. Luckily, I had my iPod touch handy. In the interest of ghostbusting, I tweeted this little gem:
I congratulated myself on my wit and ability to reference books I should've forgotten long ago, and figured that was that. Until I saw this reply: 
I'll have you know that the laundry room in my building is a basement that's straight out of Silence of the Lambs. I can only conclude that Dawn Schafer is trying to have me killed. Probably because I make fun of her so often.Should I tweet back and tell her I'm sorry for all the jokes, and I recycle on a regular basis? Should I put the organic lotion in the handwoven basket? What do I do, internet? What do I do?
There's only one way to get her to forget and forgive: ask her for styling tips so you too can rock the California Casual look. Nothing makes a girl's heart melt like explaining to her new bestie how to wear a denim jackiet with denim jeans.
ReplyDeleteHeh. I've been tweeting back and forth with Mary Anne Spier. I'm also in that "girlsIwishwereinthebsc" list. Yeah babysitters club obsession!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can get on her good side by going militantly vegan for a while?
ReplyDeleteGive Dawn a container herb garden as a sign of goodwill, just like she gave her annoyed neighbor in the BSC movie.
ReplyDeleteThe above suggestions sound good. Also, ask her about being bicoastal, and tell her a good ghost story or two.
ReplyDeleteRemind her that suggestions like that one are the reason so many California girls go missing in said horror-movie basements, and then politely decline.
ReplyDeleteThat's amazing -- I knew there were Mad Men twitter accounts, but that's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYou should ask Dawn to let you see the haunted passageway in her house and search for Jared Mullray together.
- JoAnn, Sidewalk Chalk
Dear god, I've been vacillating on whether to Tweet. But um. girlsiwishwereinthebsc? Yeah, I'm fucking there!
ReplyDeleteYou could also offer to help Sharon get organized for the new year... I'm sure Dawn would appreciate the time saved looking for Mom's keys in the fridge.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so glad I found this blog. I am lucky enough to still have most of my BSC books (I lost Mary Anne and Too Many Boys in a vicious swimming pool accident last year) And let me tell you, tofu slaw is the way to Dawn's heart.
ReplyDeleteShe is clearly trying to kill you. I suggest trapping Dawn in her own secret tunnel and then sealing off the entrances, thereby making sure she can never harass anyone about eating meat ever again.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me kind of glad I never get tweeted at by Sweet Valley characters. I make fun of them an awful lot...
Haha I'm also following them on Twitter. I'm finding it a bit TOO amusing. ;P I remember that book too, actually. I think even my 10 year old self found it totally illogical...
ReplyDeletei love you. pure and simple.
ReplyDeletefound this blog, promptly became useless, forwarded it to everyone i know. (because naturally everyone i know read BSC - there is no one else worth knowing.)
OHMYGODBECKY (er, Kim) I am in love with your blog. I found it via Project Wonderful and was in a fierce bidding war with the current advertiser. I have no words for how amused I am here XD
ReplyDeleteHave you by any chance been secretly dating Travis (#37)? I bet Dawn found out about it and now she's going to kill you. I always kind of suspected that she never truly got over the older boy...
ReplyDeleteI just started reading this blog, and I love it! the BSC nostalgia mixed with a modern biting wit, I'm amusing myself too much here.
ReplyDeleteI actually decided to take Claudia as inspiration (who wouldn't?), and silly photos were born. Check it out!
http://charmalade.blogspot.com/
PS: I suggest you give a tofurkey as a peace offering; if it's a trap, then throw it at Dawn and run away.
Have her over for whole-wheat pizza with broccoli and you can giggle about how much junk food Claudia eats - I don't know how her complexion stays so perfect!
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, don't put the sweatshirt skirt she in the dryer, even if her stuff has been in there for a while and you need the dryer. That thing will shrink.
ReplyDeleteThen she'll go all militant on your Earth Day project and you won't want to work with her anymore.
Ask Dawn to teach you how to style your hair like she does (by flipping her head over and brushing underneath then flipping it up so it looks really well groomed. Or not. So California Casual!) Or maybe you could give her a special brownie for Sharon.
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oh man, this post...
ReplyDeletei just chuckled out loud at work. good stuff.
OMG,the secret passage... totally remembering this stuff.
ReplyDeleteLove the post!!
Found this shirt and thought of your blog!
ReplyDeleteKristie&Claudia&Mary Anne&Stacey&Dawn.
You are amazing! I've loved loved loved your blog and your writing since the very beginning (when Meggy showed me your blog,) not to mention how right on you are about Dawn (uber lame and way too easy to make fun of.) I'm scared of twitterDawn. Don't apologize, but can you ask her or Mary Anne if they ever let Jessi & Mallory babysit the 10 year olds they sometimes are called in to babysit for?
ReplyDeleteToo many sentences ending in prepositions, sorry.
-Jenny (from Fashion for Writers)
Oh my gosh... this blog just might change my life AND prevent me from ever doing actual work again. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThought you'd enjoy this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mcsweeneys.net/
reblog as necessary.
Um. Ghostcat would never happen to Claudia. Too uncool.
ReplyDeleteTHE REAL PAINTINGS ARE UNDERNEATH THE PAINTINGS.
Also I just tried searching for the BSC on Twitter so I can get in on this madness and turns out there is a real life person called Dawn Schafer:
ReplyDeletehttp://twitter.com/Dawnschafer
I am CONVINCED this is the real Dawn.
You have a Silence of the Lambs basement, too?
ReplyDeleteI lived in my old apartment for three years. The basement was completely Silence of the Lambs-y, and I took to calling it the Basement of Ultimate Evil. My husband had to do all the laundry, ever, because I refused to go down there alone due to the overwhelming feeling of creepy I got every (rare) time I had to.
I later found out that there was a secret passage accessible only by sidling behind the huge, cobwebby furnace and down into the dark behind it. It terminated in a long, dark, windowless room behind the laundry room. I never went in there, but my husband did, and he said that it was empty. A year after we moved out, our old neighbor told us that a homeless man had later been discovered to be squatting back there - the back door to the building that led directly to the basement and the laundry room didn't have a lock, and so he was free to come and go as he pleased.
It is glad to see this blog, it is good and detailed fun to read this, nice informative blog, Thanks for share this article.
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haha, i just found your blog and this is great!
ReplyDeleteI think you should volunteer to sit with her in the sweaty summer heat and peddle healthy food choices to meat-and-potatoes-Americans, just like in Dawn and Too Many Sitters. :-)
ReplyDeleteI love this site! I immediately book-marked it. You totally crack me up!
(And I agree - Sharon was TOTALLY high!)