Mystery #25: Kristy and the Middle School Vandal

Love the mystery (it stars eighth grade badass Cary Retlin, who refers to the babysitters as the "BSCPD"*), am scared and confused about the cover.

Things that are wrong with this cover:

1. Kristy! What happened to your adorable face? Who are you?

2. Cary Retlin's giant teal t-shirt.

3. Pink. sleeveless. mock. turtleneck.

4. Jessi's proportions. Also her face.

5. Purple lockers?

6. Mary Anne's orthopedic sandals.

7. No tagline. Apparently middle school vandalism is such a serious subject that the editors couldn't bear to take away from the power of the illustration.

I'm sure there's more here, but if I stare at this thing any longer my brain might melt. It's like looking at the sun, or a bad trip, or staring at the sun during a bad trip. Powerful stuff, man.

"On Claudia, with the long black hair, dark eyes, and creamy skin, every look is a great one. [Preach it, girl.] Today she was wearing pink jellies, white ankle socks with pink hearts around the edges, and majorly baggy white overalls, cut off just below the knee, over a tie-dyed pink, green, and yellow T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She had a ring on every finger and one on each thumb, including a heart-shaped mood ring, a ring with a little bell on it, a ring that looked like a cat winding around her finger [see also: silver leopard], a baby ring with her birthstone in it, and a ring she'd made herself out of clay and beads. Her hair was pulled back into three braids, which were tied together at the bottom with a pink and green ribbon. She had on her peace symbol earrings, too, and a button that said 'Jerry Garcia Lives' in black script against a tie-dyed background that matched her T-shirt. She'd made the button herself in art class."

This look reads very Christeric (okay, maybe not the ankle socks or the braids) and I love it. I had to dig in her archives until I found this outfit, which I at one point had bookmarked as "CLAUDIA WOULD". I mean, right?

"One of Stacey's best colors is black - a New York City thing, I guess - and today she was wearing black leggings, side-zippered flat black ankle boots with pointed toes, a silver-threaded T-shirt dress that stopped at mid-thigh, and heart earrings. Her fluffy blonde hair was pulled back with a twisted black and silver headband."

Well, I guess I can't complain too much about this.

So I'll move on.

"Cary was wearing my watch when I saw him at school the next morning - my watch and his watch, both on the same arm. It was a look Claudia might sport, I thought wryly."

Kristy underestimates herself, I think. She's got an eye for this sort of thing!

What Not To Wear, Stacey and Claudia Edition:

"Stacey wrinkled her nose. 'I don't know. But someone should tell him grunge is old news. Look at those jeans.'

'I like the jeans,' said Claudia. 'But the shirt has got to go - or at least, go with something else.'"

Zing!

* Way funnier than any joke Abby's ever made. Sorry girl.