by Kim on Monday, October 28, 2013
by Kim on Friday, October 18, 2013
- Elizabeth gets ‘fat’. Fat just means that she gains, oh, twenty pounds, but the entire campus reacts as though she’s morbidly obese, and of course once she puts her mind to it the pounds magically go away.
- Jessica becomes a waitress. Hilarity ensues.
- Enid changes her name to Alex and becomes an alcoholic.
- Todd and Elizabeth break up. He also becomes an alcoholic.
- It’s never clear how all these 18 year olds are getting so much booze so easily. I guess it’s like Dillon Texas, where 15 year old football players are more than welcome at every bar in town.
- Elizabeth is nearly murdered. Multiple times.
- Jessica gets married. The marriage eventually gets annulled.
- Lila gets married to an Italian count. The marriage ends in a fatal jet ski accident.***
- Elizabeth has a crazy Southern roommate who seduces a biology student and gets him to release a ton of fruit flies in Elizabeth and Jessica’s dorm room. By the time this happens, they’re both so immune to the insanity of their lives that they’re like ‘oh, look, fruit flies.’
- Winston gets assigned to a girls dorm and ends up learning a lot about Womanhood And Himself.
- Sorority drama. It’s pretty much just the Unicorn Club all over again.
- Elizabeth and her new boyfriend are so fucking obsessed with themselves that they make a big damn deal about their one week anniversary, to the point that all their friends end up planning a surprise party for them and they all eat ice cream together. Really.
- Bruce and Lila are involved in a terrible plane crash. They fall in hate-love. It is awesome.
- Stephen Wakefield shoots Jessica’s husband. Or he shoots himself during a dramatic scuffle. Something soapy like that.
- Jessica is almost raped. She is saved by Elizabeth and a mysterious stranger.
- Aggressive racists.
- Lila, wracked with grief over the death of her husband, gives away all of her clothes. And not to me. There’s real tragedy for you.
** I could.
by Kim on Friday, October 11, 2013
Here's the original book entry, which is formatted kinda funky and missing its image, but hey, close enough, right?
Shameless self promotion: I'm running a giveaway at my job right now and I've grown addicted to promoting it. So, uh, consider entering my contest? The prize is 12 artisan candles and my eternal love and devotion. Fuck, if one of you guys wins it, let me know when I email you from my super-profesh work email (I suggest 'have you found my red ribbon?' as our code) and I'll smuggle a BSC book in there or something. It'll be like Babysitters Chain Letter, but with ethically made candles.
by Kim on Sunday, October 06, 2013
I was touring the internet and came across this. I . . . don't know how to feel about it.