Some Shoes Deserve Their Own Epic Ballad
For example, I can't look at my new clogs without cooing Peter Cetera's Glory of Love. I am the man who will fight for their honor!
What if the BSC Just Stayed In and Watched Some TV for a Change?
These girls are just not passionate about television. I call foul. When I was a freshman in high school (only one year older than Our Heroines), I discovered the X-Files and lost a couple years of my life. The proof is in the pudding, and 'the pudding' equals lots of eBayed posters and novels and other embarrassing paraphernalia*. And I feel like that's pretty standard adolescent behavior. I mean, I know they're entrepreneurial and busy loving kids and all, but didn't they ever wanna lie around watching Saved By the Bell and eating ice pops?
I found a note on my iPod today that I'd completely forgotten about, written in the middle of a sleepless night, titled Tv shows bsc would watch. Some of the notes are so shorthandified that I can't quite figure them out (there's a bit about 'horses' and 'The Ring' that I think was supposed to lead to a humorous paragraph about my fear of horses and inability to sleep after watching horror films, so please pretend to laugh** even though I no longer remember the intended jokes), but the gist of it is there.
Feel free to submit your own theories on the girls' favorite shows.
Kristy: Parks and Recreation. She is Leslie Knope. (Who is amazing.) I have to take a moment to praise the hell out of this show. I was really unimpressed with the first season but am totally in love with the second. They've really hit their stride, and I was disappointed to hear that it's not returning to NBC until mid-season. It was like watching DJ Roomba die all over again.
Mary Anne: Grey's Anatomy. I had some jokes here about how lame this show is, and a note to self about "no statute of limitations on mocking lame tv shows", but I'm letting it go. It just seems like something she'd watch and sigh/cry over, doesn't it?
Stacey McGill: Gossip Girl. Obviously. Her dad even owns an apartment on the Upper East Side! Man, remember when that show was good? Miss you, boo. And why does Chuck Bass talk like Batman these days? Did something happen to his vocal cords? He didn't sound like that first season.
Dawn Schafer: Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution or Ghost Hunters. She can't pick a coast to live on. She probably wouldn't be able to pick a favorite show either.
Mallory Pike: Vampire Diaries. Apparently I picked this show because I wanted to joke about her writing a story about a vampire horse, but since I've forgotten the associated jokes (see above), I'm reneging and going with Jon & Kate + 8 for the relatability factor. I'm sure it would be a great comfort to her that A. her siblings are not sextuplets B. her parents are not Jon & Kate. I think we're all glad our parents aren't Jon & Kate.
Jessi Ramsey: So You Think You Can Dance. She laughs at Mary Murphy's cheesy jokes.
Claudia Kishi: Veronica Mars. It's like Nancy Drew, but with less reading and more artsy camera angles.
* Also there were some poor hair color decisions, but that is neither here nor there.
** Like this: "Ha ha! She is scared of horses! Classic!" Thanks.
#24: Kristy and the Mother's Day Surprise
Personally, I'm surprised that the other babysitters abandoned her with that horde of children. But maybe they couldn't bear to be seen with her in those jeans. Let's squint at them (the jeans, not the AWOL babysitters) in a concerned fashion.
Problems with Kristy's jeans:
1. the color
2. the waistline (Urkel-high)
3. the probable elastic waistband
4. the ankle sock-exposing cuffs
5. everything, just everything.
"My friends shifted position and I looked at them as I tried to figure out how to explain my great idea. Mallory, with her new short haircut, was sitting on the floor, leaning against Claud's bed. She was wearing jeans with zippers up the bottoms of the legs, and a sweat shirt that said STONEYBROOK MIDDLE SCHOOL across the front. In her newly pierced ears were tiny gold hoops.
Jessi was wearing matching hoops (I think she and Mal had gone shopping together), a purple dance leotard [it occurs to me that Jessi is courting some serious yeast infection issues with all these leotards, and also oh my god I can't believe I just wrote that], and jeans. Over the leotard she was wearing a purple-and-white striped shirt, unbuttoned.
On the bed, in a row, sat Mary Anne, Dawn, and Claudia, watching me intently. Mary Anne's hair was pulled back in a ponytail and held in place with a black-and-white checkered bow that matched the short skirt she was wearing. Around her neck was a chain and dangling from it were gold letters that spelled out MARY ANNE.
Dawn was wearing a necklace, too, only hers said I'M AWESOME. [Because nothing endears other people to you like going around advertising how damn awesome you are. In other news, I totally want this necklace.] Honest. Where had she gotten it? California, probably. And in her double pierced ears were hoops of different sizes. See what I mean about Dawn being an individual? Also she was wearing a fairly tame [California Casual] dress, but on her feet were plaid high-top sneakers.
Then there was Claudia. She was wearing a pretty tame dress, too - with a red necktie! Then, she had on a these new, very cool roll socks. When she pushed them down just right [Just right? Is it that hard? Did they come with an instruction booklet?], they fell into three rolls. The top roll was red, the middle one was peacock blue, and the bottom one was purple. She looked as if she were wearing ice-cream cones on her feet. In her hair was a braided band in red, blue, and purple, like her socks. And dangling from her ears were - get this - spiders in webs. Ew. (But they were pretty cool.)"
Kristy was wearing her uniform. Of course. So I chose to move on to more fabulous fashion.
"She rememberized* the first time she ever met Claudia. It was the beginning of seventh grade - I think it might even have been the first day of school - and they ran into each other in the hallway. I mean, ran right into each other. Each of them was kind of mad because the other was dressed in such cool clothes - and each wanted to be the coolest. But they calmed down and became very close friends."
There's another version of this story in which they're mad because they were both wearing the same sweatshirt. Unless I just made that up, which is entirely possible. Sometimes when I go too long between entries, I start dreaming about used bookstores and BSC books that didn't actually exist. I'm always like "wow, I never even KNEW there was a lost Super Special in which the girls run the Boston Marathon!" and then I'm disappointed when I wake up.
"Now, here's a big difference between them and me. That morning, I dressed in my jeans and running shoes, a t-shirt with a picture of Beaver Cleaver on it, and my collie dog baseball cap. Then I added my SHS (Stoneybrook High School) sweat shirt that used to belong to Sam, since the weather would probably be chilly in the morning.
Stacey, however, put on a tight-fitting pink jumpsuit over a white t-shirt, lacy white socks, and those plastic shoes. What are they called - jellies? And Claudia wore a pale blue baggy shirt over black-and-blue leopard-spotted pants that tied in neat knots at her ankles. On her feet she wore purple high-tops. And they both wore all this jewelry and these accessories, like big, big earrings, and headbands with rosettes on them, and nail polish. Claudia even wore her snake bracelet. Honestly, what did they think we were going to do? Enter a fashion show?
Oh, okay, I'll admit it. They looked great. And I was a teeny bit jealous. I wouldn't even know how to dress the way they do."
That could be a good thing.
I've come up with another motto (remember my last one? Better Than Jeopardy? It really caught on) for the blog. What Claudia Wore: I'm Huge In Australia.
Okay, maybe that's not, um, exactly true. But Jo of Oxfam Australia's 3things thinks I'm pretty cool. Which is practically the same thing. Check out her interview with me, in which I pontificate on environmentally friendly fashion & our favorite babysitter.
* "which was an old word of hers meaning 'to remember something really well.'" Oh, Stacey.
Hopelessly Devoted To Shoe
I'm moving this summer, for the third time in three years. I'm starting to get into move mode, which for me means months and months of freakin' out and packing (and then unpacking and repacking) and sorting, endless sorting. There is a method to my madness, I'm sure. I just don't exactly know what that method is.
In preparation, I've been doing a slow, methodical purge of my wardrobe. It's happening in waves. A few weekends ago I went through my shoe collection and got rid of 17 pairs. I suspect I will be purging more in the months to come -- it's just hard to let go all at once. Anyway, this means that I can spend some time happily window shopping, right? As long as I don't buy anything until I'm settled. (Expect pictures of my bedroom-closet when that happens. There's gonna be necklaces everywhere! A bookcase devoted to my Fryes! Etc.!)
But yeah . . . in the meantime it's all sweet dreams of new oxfords and clogs (and media centers from Pottery Barn).
Frye Erin oxford, $168
Frye Hutch shootie, $178
Anthropologie Come Together heels, $190
Kristy Thomas Approves Of This Post
I'm no Claudia. Every morning I wage a war with my alarm clock. I'd rather sleep late than spend my precious morning minutes putting together my best Ms. Frizzle look. Which means I milk the snooze function for all it's worth, then frantically pull on whatever items of clothing are closest (some days, this is unfortunately self-evident). For this reason, I love me some skinny jeans. They are my version of Kristy's omnipresent cornflower blue pegged jeans.
And I've finally found the perfect pair.
It took forever, and I had to spend a decent amount of cash to do it. Listen, I'm not short. I'm about 5'6", a bit taller than the average woman*. However, pair after pair of jeans were giving me what I like to refer to as the jegwarmer effect. You know exactly what I'm talking about -- skinny jeans bunching around your ankles because they're too damn long, creating an awkward legwarmer of denim.
Enter James Jeans' Twiggy.
Oh, by the way, they're not paying me to write this or anything. I just really love these jeans. And I'm probably not the only girl who's sick and tired of wearing jegwarmers. So, you know, public service announcement.
* This is an actual footnote, for once: a 2002 survey by the National Center for Health Statistics puts the average height of an American woman at 5 feet 3.8 inches. Thanks, google!
#83: Stacey vs. the BSC
In this corner: your friends! Say hello to them!
And in this corner: the most sophisticated damn teenager to ever grace the state of Connecticut! She wears turquoise wool slacks, people!
I was very moved by this book back in 1995. I mean, secretly moved. Because there was no way you could've gotten me to publicly admit that I read it. I was all "wow. This is truly the end of an era." This book was my Kennedy assassination. Devastating.
So, yeah, Stacey quit. And/or was fired, depending on which fictional character you're siding with. Annnnnd then she rejoined the club four books later. What a drama queen. Oh, and then Dawn jetted off to California one book after that! And then Abby showed up out of nowhere, like the unwelcome reappearance of Angelina "Trash Bags" Pivarnick on the Jersey Shore reunion special.
Lotta turnover for the BSC in such a short span of time. Also, how pissed am I that Trash Bags is back for season 2? She's gonna have to beat up the beat pretty damn hard to win me over. (I'm sure she's concerned.)
"Anyway, Claudia the Chocoholic is thin, blemish-free, and stunning. She's Japanese-American, with gorgeous jet-black hair and almond-shaped eyes. And her outfits are as abstract as her paintings. That day, for example, she was wearing this super-baggy men's shirt that must have once belonged to a sumo wrestler, enormous light wool black trousers gathered at the waist with a silken sash, and old work boots. Her hair was pulled back with a barrette in the shape of a set of teeth. Very original, very cool."
Kishi, Lady Gaga would like to know if she can borrow your teeth barrette. Also, Claudia is so damn fashion forward. Replace the work boots with a pair of YSL pumps, and this is an outfit straight out of Karla's Closet. (Maybe minus the teeth barrette.)
"My mom raced into my bedroom, holding a pair of crisp, turquoise, light-wool slacks. 'Here they are!'"
See. Told ya. I bet you don't wear crisp turquoise light-wool slacks on your dates. That's because you're not sophisticated like Stacey. Sorry.
The Early 90s: A Very Fashionable Era Of My Life
Thanks to facebook photos, I can now provide content and embarrass myself at the same time. So today's entry is devoted to photos of me as a scrawny blonde with a serious BSC fixation (not pictured). I remember realizing (this was in fourth grade, I think) that if I wanted to, I could read books at lunch. I didn't have to talk to anyone if I didn't feel like it! This was truly a revelation, one that probably coincided with a particularly exciting Unicorn Club book.
Here I am (third row, seated fifth from left) wearing an outfit picked by Richard Spier. The fact that my hair is curly means that I spent the previous night sleeping with a head full of foam rollers. Comfortable! I'd be willing to bet that the three red buttons on the dress bib are heart shaped. I'm gonna pretend that this was my tribute to Jenny Prezzioso. Really, it's just that my mom was a sucker for super girlie dresses*, and I was too busy reading books and being peanut-sized to realize I looked like a porcelain doll.
Here I am again, front and center for the fourth grade chorus photo. (I have the voice of an angel.**) Maybe because the photographer was so taken by my floral leggings-and-turtleneck combination that he was like "you! Little girl! That cardigan is totally rad! Come forth so we can bask in the glory of your ensemble!" But probably because I was short.
Some of you might be waiting for me to comment on the other little fashion plates in these photos. But I'm not going to, because some of these people have found me on facebook. So there's a small possibility they might be reading this, and I don't want to worry about making enemies. Then again, I will probably never see those people again, as I don't plan on attending any high school reunions. There are two important reasons behind this: 1. I have a shockingly bad memory and would not be able to reminisce appropriately. 2. I have an irrational fear of attending a real-life version of Liz Lemon's high school reunion.
Anyway. Sorry if this was too much fashion for one entry. It's kind of overwhelming, I know.
* These days, she mostly just despairs over the blandness of my wardrobe. "It's okay to wear color, Kim," she says. B. likes to bring this up whenever we're out shopping and I'm adding more grey t-shirts to my collection.
** No I don't.
What Claudia Wore Turns Three
April 1st marked the blog's three year anniversary! Thanks to everyone who's been a part of this project - your links, comments, and e-mails make my day on the regular. To celebrate, I went through the archives and compiled a list of my favorite entries. They used to be some of your favorite entries too, but my comments are still AWOL (yes, I'm bitter). For those of you who are recent converts to the School of Claud, feel free to waste valuable hours of your life getting caught up. Just try not to get fired in the process.
2010
2009
2008
2007
There's been a lot of BSC-related press recently, thanks to the recent release of the prequel. I'll point you to two articles that I was lucky enough to be involved in -- Monica Hesse's Baby-Sitters Club returns and Tali Yahalom's The Baby-Sitters Club's New Cult Following. Thanks to both for taking the time to chat with me! And thanks again to all of you for reading and playing along. Because you can always count on me*, and I can count on you.
* except for regular updates. You can't count on that.
#78: Claudia and Crazy Peaches
"As an artist, I have this theory: if you can't eat it or wear it - paint it. That's what helped me decide to use the walls and ceiling of my room as my canvas. I also paint clothes (I tie-dye them, too) and shoes. I have several pairs of high-top sneakers that I decorated in glitter and puff paint. I even have a pair of ballet flats* that are entirely covered in red sequins. I call them my ruby slippers, after Dorothy's in The Wizard of Oz."
I don't know if I've ever loved her more.
"I really enjoy putting unusual combinations together. I'll wear suspenders backwards [this sounds incredibly uncomfortable] with tuxedo pants and a long sleeved T-shirt that I've tie-dyed myself. Or I'll cover an entire jean vest with tiny safety pins and funky plastic charms from a gumball machine and wear that with a jean skirt and bright red cowboy boots."
Sidebar: remember the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is trying to prove to his friends that bright red cowboy boots are totally fashionable? And they're all like, "dude, no." And then he meets some random gay couple, and Ted solicits opinions, and the one guy just goes "Pulling. them. off." Remember that?
I have no point here. I just thought it was funny.
Plot, for those who had stopped reading by this point in the series: Claud's beloved Aunt Peaches is pregnant. She and her husband come to live with the Kishis while preparing to move to Stoneybrook. Peaches wants Claud to hang out with her 24/7, because she quit her job to focus on baby-growing and is understandably bored. Claudia and Peaches end up having a fight. Peaches has a miscarriage (um, unrelated). It's damn sad, as you would expect. (Example sad quote: "Russ took off his coat and held it in his lap as he sat on the arm of the couch. 'The doctors say that Peaches is absolutely fine, and this . . . this was just one of those things. They feel certain that we can try again.' Russ stared at his coat. 'Though I think we may wait quite awhile.'") Yeah. Heavy stuff for a book with an RL4 rating.
We should end on an up note, right?
"Friday. Usually it's the highlight of the week, right? Wrong! I think I had to listen to a lecture from every one of my teachers, including my PE teacher. She thought my sparkle socks were inappropriate for gym class."
Choose-your-own-weak-closing-joke:
A) "But the new kid, Edward Cullen, thought they were great!"
B) Who the hell is her gym teacher? Sue Sylvester?
*I found these Miu Miu ballet flats when I googled 'sequined ballet flats'. If I had $440 just lying around the apartment, they would already be mine.
Things I Couldn't Afford On A Babysitter's Salary in 2008
I was going through old files when I found a wishlist I made back in March of 2008.
(My apologies for the lack of paperclip jewelry and flop socks in the above image.)
It's interesting to look at the colors/styles I was digging two years ago. Honestly, not much has changed in the past couple of years. I'm still really into neutrals and jewel tones, although I tend to wear a helluva lot more grey and black than you might guess from looking at this collage. I still love drapey cardigans and flowing tops. Urban Outfitters was my digital muse, but these days most of my online lusting happens at Need Supply or Anthropologie.
I did end up purchasing some of the items pictured here: the Old Navy lion tee (which is now looking kinda . . . sad. Quality matters, kids!), the Hunter boots, and the Jeffrey Campbell riser oxfords (in black). I ordered the Kat maryjanes (also in black), but I had to send them back because they were cut strangely and gave me massive toe cleavage. Which is a really disgusting phrase.
In other news, I'm (still) trying desperately to ignore my desire for Jeffrey Campbell's Charli clogs, which I mentioned in my last post. I imagine I'd end up in a corner, stroking them and muttering like a loon. Nobody wants that.
. . . but seriously, they're pretty badass, right? Do you think the Pikes are going to need a mother's helper anytime soon?
#52: Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies
"She loves to experiment with her hair, braiding it, twisting it up, wearing ribbons and barrettes and ornaments [like, Christmas ornaments?] in it. And her clothes are outrageous. Her parents let her dress in what style she likes [and then slip J. Crew catalogs under her bedroom door]. A typical Claudia outfit might include a sequined shirt, stirrup pants (maybe black), low black boots, dangly turquoise earrings, and ribbons woven through tiny braids in her hair. And she wouldn't forget sparkly nail polish*."
I hope it was this sequined shirt. 'Cause I don't have $245 dollars, and maybe Claudia would let me borrow hers. Pretty fly, right? While we're at it, I hope she got her hands on those Chanel knockoffs by Jeffrey Campbell. I wear a size 6, Claud!
The plot of this novel is just, like, BABIES. Babies everywhere! My ovaries are sympathetic. As I was re-reading I noticed that Mary Anne decided she's too young for a child now (uhh, yeah) but that 25 seems like a good age. My ovaries were all "SEE? YOU'RE A YEAR LATE! GET MOVING!" So rude.
Anyway, part of the plot has to do with a Modern Living class in which the 8th graders have to pair up and parent a baby. As portrayed by an egg. Shades of Sweet Valley!
"'I don't know why you want to spend so much time with an egg,' Stacey said to me. She brushed her hair out of her eye.
I gasped. 'Sammie is my daughter!' I exclaimed.
Stacey made a face. 'Honestly, Mary Anne.'
Yeah. Honestly, Mary Anne.
* Public service announcement: that shit is a BITCH to get off.
I Believe Claudia Would Spell It 'Pohpuree'
I found the Potpourri category on Jeopardy absolutely befuddling as a child. Just say Misc., Alex. Are you seriously too good for Misc.? Anyway, here's the What Claudia Wore version of the Potpourri category. Bonus: you don't have to answer in the form of a question! You don't have to answer at all! I told you this blog was better than Jeopardy*.
$200 I'm glad to know that Abby Stevenson lists me as a hilarious comedian. So meta!
$400 My current favorite style blog is The Owls Are Not What They Seem. And not just because of the Twin Peaks reference. Noel Vallens recently DIY-ed a candy necklace that screams Kishi. But, you know, a classier version of Kishi (sorry, Claud). If you're not already addicted to Noel & Joelle's outfit photos, go check 'em out immediately.
$600 You can now access this fine corner of the internet through whatclaudiawore.com. Now you no longer have to google "that blog about bsc fashion, you know, the one written by the crazy lady". You're welcome! The sad downside is that blogger is kinda shady about this whole custom domain thing. All my comments - my beautiful, funny, wonderful comments from all you nostalgia fiends - are gone. They will supposedly be restored by the end of the day. We'll see.
$800 VenusZine's Muses of the Moment dresses up the core four in trends from today.
$1000 Refinery29 featured What Claudia Wore in a killer article about weirdo fashion blogs (technical term!), 6 Style Blogs and Their Singular Obsessions. I was extremely flattered to be listed alongside such innovative blogs. Especially Should Be On The Nanny, because anyone who follows me on Twitter knows how I feel about The Nanny (in brief: she is a delightful, nasal angel to be revered forever).
* New slogan? What Claudia Wore used to be subtitled "a look into the closet of Stoneybrook's most fashion-forward babysitter". But maybe it's time for a new era. "What Claudia Wore: It's Better Than Jeopardy" has a really nice ring to it. Or maybe I've had too much caffeine this morning.
The Kishi Aesthetic Lives On, If Only In Nylon Editorials
How this look would be described by Ann M. Martin and/or a ghostwriter: "Claudia has a really unique, really acute sense of style. For example, today she was wearing a teal-and-white striped tank top under a plaid button down shirt and a lime green cardigan. She pinned a flowery brooch to the cardigan, and was sporting an armload of bangles. I think she'd painted some of them herself. She completed the look with floral, knee-length knickers, purple push-down socks, and extremely dibble lace-up heels. A long pink ribbon held back her jet black hair. The outfit would have looked weird on anyone else, but on Claudia it totally worked."
Image from the March 2010 issue of Nylon.
Let's Take A Moment To Appreciate Pop Stars Claudia Would Approve Of
Y'all know what day it is, right?
Okay, yeah, it's Thursday. I guess I should have been more specific. It's Telephone Day, people. I usually watch Survivor and then immediately fall asleep on Thursday nights. Tonight, I'm staying up until 11:30 so I can watch the premiere on E!. I'm fanning myself in anticipation.
If Claudia Kishi was real, she'd probably be a member of the Haus of Gaga by now.
Look at this free bitch. I mean, DAMN.Update: It's here, for those of you who can't make it 'til 11:30 EST (aka me).
#58: Stacey's Choice
Lazy ghostwriter alert: no outfits in Chapter Two. The below is as good as it gets.
"But Claud and I have the exact same taste in clothes and fashion [they do?], and very similar interests. We are both sophisticated and trendy. I know I sound like I'm bragging, but everyone says this about us. [Sigh.] We keep track of the new styles, and we wear tights and boots, baggy tops, and big jewelry. Claud likes hats, and often wears one, and we experiment with makeup and accessories. We experiment with our hair, too, especially Claudia."
Meh. Here's my outfit, which is perhaps even more boring than the above paragraph: an oversized heathered grey sweater, dark blue Hudson triangle pocket jeans, a bronze two-strand beaded necklace, and a vintage antique gold necklace with a hippie girl charm. I'm also wearing last night's eye makeup. This is FASHION, people.
Sorry I don't have an alligator barrette in my hair. I felt it would clash with the leftover eye makeup. I'll make it up to you with some cover analysis.
This scene occurs immediately after their shopping trip (don't get too excited, they don't get all the way to the Washington Mall). They sure seem happy, don't they? Do you think it's because Jessi and Mal weren't able to come?
Mary Anne looks adorable. I don't know why she felt she needed that haircut. Claudia is wearing cowboy boots, black leggings, and a necklace that she may have gotten at a Prince concert. Kristy felt like a sassy glimpse of calf would complete her ensemble, judging by the cuffed jeans. Stacey looks vaguely simian. Is she suffering from some sort of oversized head/shrunken leg disorder? Is this a side effect of all those insulin shots? Dawn looks like a ray of sweetness and light wrapped in cotton candy. I wonder if she knows that all the hairspray she used on those teased bangs is terrible for the ozone layer.
"We dragged ourselves away from the jewelry and finally (after stopping to look at hair accessories and knee socks) wound up in Junior Dresses.
'Here's a nice one,' said Mary Anne. She held out a plaid dress that maybe a grandmother would look okay in, but not me.
I shook my head.
Dawn pointed to a floral-print dress. [God, what is it with Dawn and floral prints?]
I shook my head. 'I need something wild.'
'Not too wild,' Mary Anne cautioned. 'Not for a dinner with your dad.'
'I'll find something,' I said confidently.
We wandered through Bellair's for nearly an hour. Claud bought a pair of black-and-white checked leggings [I'd prefer to think she bought these . . . or maybe these!]. Mary Anne bought a hair ribbon. Kristy made fun of a two-thousand dollar brooch."
Kristy would be so fun to shop with, guys! I bet it would be like shopping with my boyfriend, who asked me if the $114 jeans I was salivating over would do the dishes for me, too. (They don't, but they make my butt look great. Which is almost as good.) Then I reminded him how much money he just spent on his new car, and he shut up.
"In all honesty, I didn't expect find quite such a challenge at Zingy's. Putting together the perfect outfit there took a little longer than I'd planned. But I did it. (I think I drove the saleswoman crazy in the process, though.) By the time I left I was carrying a shopping bag in which were folded a hot pink (fake) silk jacket which fell to my knees, new black leggings, pink-and-black socks, and a black body suit [Won't the leggings give her some serious pantylines when paired with the body suit? Or is she planning on wearing it on top of the leggings? Don't bodysuits typically have snaps at the crotch? That seems inappropriate.]. I planned to wear the outfit with black flats, and to dress it up with some jewelry and maybe a couple of barrettes in my hair.
When Claud saw me in the final combination of clothes (standing next to a chair piled high with discarded jackets, pants, tops, and socks), she drew in her breath. 'You look fabulous. It is the perfect outfit,' she said."
Well, I suppose she would know. I'm still perplexed by the whole body suit/leggings combination.
#75: Jessi's Horrible Prank
I didn't read this book as a youngin, so I wasn't colored by nostalgia during the experience. And man, it was kind of a difficult book to read. Uncomfortable. On the plus side, Jessi is a pretty enjoyable narrator here -- she's kind of goofy, getting involved in the Sixth-Grade Follies (a send-up of life at Stoneybrook Middle School created and performed by the sixth grade class) and doing impressions of Dolly Parton, Garth from Wayne's World, etc. She's got friends outside of the BSC. She's not obsessed with being the world's greatest ballerina.
On the minus side, the A plot is a doozy. The horrible prank has to do with one of their teachers, the unfortunately named Mr. Trout. This man is not cut out for teaching, to say the least. He's got no sense of how to discipline snotty pre-teens, and Jessi's classmates walk all over him. There's a scalping incident involving his toupee and a fishhook. Since you're all at the EDGES of your SEATS over this riveting plotline, I'll sum up by saying that he ends up leaving SMS and Jessi feels bad and writes him a letter and he writes back all "LOL Don't feel bad! Screw middle school, I'm going back to grad school!" and then the book ends abruptly, like maybe the ghostwriter drank one too many martinis and couldn't be bothered to come up with an ending*.
(Seriously, I don't know why Scholastic didn't contact me about these rewrites; I really get to the heart of the matter in NO TIME FLAT. I can even pull back on the swearing and netspeak if I try very hard! Like, VERY hard.)
But enough about plot. You don't come here for plot. You come here for fashion, and I need to update at least once before I go on vacation. (That's right, those of you who don't follow me on twitter or tumblr**: I'm headed to Disney World! But there's no Bahama cruise, because the boyfriend and I don't have rich stepfathers willing to shell out tons of dough for us and all of our friends.) So: fashion.
"Plus, she always puts together the coolest outfits, mostly from stuff she finds in flea markets. For example, at that meeting she was wearing '50s-style cat's-eye glasses frames***, a plastic barrette in the shape of an alligator****, a tie-dyed t-shirt, and bell-bottoms. And it looked fantastic."
As if there was a question.
Oh yeah, there's a subplot. Various sitting charges put on a show called the BSC Follies. Whatever, find the book yourself if you're that interested. I just thought some of the portrayals were worth mentioning.
"Vanessa walked out, toting a huge backpack. She had her hair pulled back and fastened by something that looked like a dog bone.
She pulled out a Milky Way bar, stuffed it in her mouth, and said 'Hi, I'm Claudia!'
'Aaaaaugh!' Claudia screamed.
. . . Next came Margot, holding a bag of carrots. 'I'm Dawn. Yummy, this is my dinner.'
. . . Vanessa/Claudia kept stuffing her face the whole way through, constantly pulling snacks out of her backpack, mumbling all her words. At one point she picked up the clock and said 'This would make a fabulous hat!'
Charlotte/Stacey sniffed disapprovingly. 'N.O.M.H. - Not On My Head!'"
God, these kids do my job better than I ever could. I should be insulted or something.
* Not that I know anything about this.
** And for the record, I am waaaay more prolific on both of those platforms than I ever will be here. Sorry, it's just the way it is. Most days, I only have 140 characters worth of funny in me. It's a sad reality.
*** Last week, B. and I were watching season three of 30 Rock when we realized the horrible yet fitting truth: Liz Lemon and I wear the EXACT SAME GLASSES. Also sometimes I wear snuggies while eating cheese by myself late at night. You can't judge me!
**** I want to go to there.
Mystery #1: Stacey and the Missing Ring
America's favorite baby-sitters are detectives, too, guys! As implausible as that may be!
So Stacey wants a diamond ring, and isn't content to wait for, you know, adulthood. She's convinced she needs a diamond birthstone ring RIGHT NOW. At age 13. And pits her mother and father against each other when Mrs. McGill 'bitch please'-es her. And the rest of the babysitters are kind of uncomfortable about it.
"'I wouldn't dare to ask my parents for a diamond ring," said Mallory [sensibly]. 'Even if it was my birthstone.'
'But it is totally gorgeous, don't you think?' I asked.
Everybody nodded, but they looked a little overwhelmed. I wished they could have been more on my side. I wanted Claud to say 'You deserve a ring like that, Stacey, and your mother's a meanie not to buy it for you.' But she didn't say that."
Oh, guuuuuurl. Of course she didn't. Claudia can't even get her parents to buy her a buttered popcorn when they go to the movies together.
Stacey's diamond-lust unfortunately corresponds with her babysitting job for a new client, a really rich client with lots of bling. You see where this is going (if you don't, refer back to the title). Ring disappears, the BSC gets less calls then usual, everyone weeps gently, Claudia none-too-stealthily searches Stacey's room for the ring, the ring turns out to have been stolen by Rich Client's Klepto-Cat, all is well, Stacey continues to be massively spoiled.
"'And by the way, I may get the birthstone ring after all,' I said. 'My mom told me last night that she and my dad talked about it, and they might go in together to get it for me for my next birthday - or for Christmas, or some other special occasion.'"
Like her next perm. God, it's nice to be Stacey, isn't it? (Okay, fine, she has diabetes. Whatever. I have Crohn's disease, you don't see ME telling you about it in detail every time I write an entry. But maybe I will from now on. From now on, every entry will have a Chapter Two, in which we talk about Kim's Great Idea for a BSC/fashion blog, and Kim's Health Woes, and the number of siblings Kim has. I can tell you're already riveted!)
Anyway. Fashion. Now with fun titles!
Charlie Gets In A Good One:
"'Mmmm,' I said. 'Somebody smells good. What is that smell?'
'Must be my new shampoo,' answered Dawn. 'It's called Wildflower Wash.' She tossed her hair, and I could smell the sweet scent again.
Charlie coughed. 'Smells more like Accident in the Perfume Factory to me,' he said."
Claudia Has A "Current Favorite Mall Outfit":
"Claud looked terrific in black leggings, red high-top sneakers, and an oversized red sweater. She was carrying a red plastic lunch box as a purse."
That is so unfair. In high school, I thought it would be funny to bring my lunch in my second-grade Barbie lunch box, and everyone just thought I was weird. I mean, I was weird. But still. Where's my kudos?
T-Shirts Are California Casual; Don't Get Between Claudia And A Pair Of Sneakers:
"Dawn loves the T-shirt store, so we spent some time in there. She tried to decide between a blue shirt with a picture of whales on it and a yellow one that said 'Go For It' in big black letters, but she finally ended up getting neither. 'I don't really need a new T-shirt right now,' she said.
'I don't really need new sneakers, either,' said Claud. 'But that's not going to stop me!' She led the way to the shoe store. Claud has the biggest sneaker collection of anyone I know, I swear. She's got red ones (two other pairs besides the ones she was wearing that day) and purple ones and black ones and white ones and polka-dotted ones. I bet she could wear a different pair of sneakers every day for a month.
'What do you think?' she asked, holding up a pair of lace-and-sequin-trimmed pink high-tops. 'Pretty cool, right?'"
Fun fact: Claudia wears a size seven.
Claudia Is Some Sort Of Bizarre Fashion Idiot Savant:
"Something was definitely up. Claud always pays a lot of attention to clothes. She can remember every outfit she's worn to school over a season, and she tries never to repeat the exact same outfit."
Did I mention that Claudia made Stacey an apology gift (you know, for accusing her of stealing and whatnot)? Yeah. "An earcuff (a very cool accessory these days) with a collection of blue stones and beads hanging from it." She is good to you, McGill. Some might say too good.
"Oh My Lord" Said Claudia When She Saw The Horrific Font Choices
Some of you have pointed me in the direction of this Nylon blog entry, which unveils the new covers for the first few editions of the re-released BSC books. You wanted to know what I think.
Short version: I feel like this.
Long version: I think they are hideous. Heinous. Horrendously ugly. Who signed off on this? Why didn't they call me? Those images are straight off a $5.00 cd-rom of clip art released in the mid 90's. And the fonts! The FONTS, people.
Short version: I feel like this.
Long version: I think they are hideous. Heinous. Horrendously ugly. Who signed off on this? Why didn't they call me? Those images are straight off a $5.00 cd-rom of clip art released in the mid 90's. And the fonts! The FONTS, people.
I guess I should congratulate them on not using Comic Sans. Way to go, design team.
Seriously, I'm baffled at their decision to do away with the original block letter logo. If they wanted to argue that the illustrations were dated, I'd be able to nod ruefully. I'd give them that, even though I'm sure we all feel that's part of their charm. But that logo is a total classic. Do I think this cover will impact the buying decisions of, say, an 8 year old? No, of course not. But I'd be surprised if many of the original readers end up reinvesting . . . the nostalgia factor has been totally done away with. Like sparkleneelysparkle said:
"These aren't bastions of fucking literary glory. They’re books about teenage girls. and I am sad that we have to fucking SPOON FEED them to you so that they are relevant to your lives (OMG WHATS A WALKMAN????) the only thing that is cool about them is that they are a snapshot of what people read in the 80s and 90s."You really screwed the pooch on this one, Scholastic.
Things I Cannot Afford on a Babysitter's Salary
Bags and cardigan: Anthropologie, necklace: Free People, earrings: Need Supply, ring: Digby & Iona, flats: Frye
The PR folks over at Digby & Iona sent me a press release about that stump ring. Not a big deal - I tend to get them from time to time, I think all fashion bloggers* do. Except I'm bitter about this press release, because that ring is intense and I totally want it and the last thing I should be spending my money on is more statement jewelry. As I was salivating, B. looked over my shoulder and suggested that if they REALLY wanted me to write about it, they'd send me one. But here I am, writing about it anyway. So you win, Digby & Iona. But I'm not linking to your site. Because I am bitter.
Things you can entertain yourself with until I post an actual entry:
- Enjoy "Say Hello to Ur Friends": The Baby-sitters Club - Reloaded at McSweeney's (thanks @taliyahalom)
- Annoy your coworkers with The Complex "Jersey Shore" Soundboard
- Meg likes her fashion "with a healthy dose of rage and sparkle", like Claudia after the inevitable reality bites phase hits.
- Stare into the existential void with Unhappy Hipsters
- Knit yourself a badass squirrel sweater Claudia would definitely approve of. Incorporate it into a theme outfit involving acorn earrings and hand-painted treebranch leggings.
* if that's what you can call this . . . not sure I would, but try telling that to the folks over at Jean Straps (seriously . . . jean straps).
Critical "I like to be told I'm funny" update: I clearly do not have a future in PR, because I just got an e-mail from Digby & Iona and I was expecting it to read "bitch, it ain't our fault you're poor!" Because that would've been my reaction. Instead, I was thanked for mentioning the ring and - the real kicker - told that "the post was simply hilarious." Flattery will get you everywhere, Digby & Iona. You win again!
(I expect an e-mail from the Jean Straps people extoling my comedic genius within the next few days.)
Like You Didn't Already Know the Internet Is A Pretty Strange Place
. . . I mean, you're here, aren't you?
. . . I mean, you're here, aren't you?
So I was aware there were BSC-related twitter accounts. I thought the concept was fairly amusing, especially when I found myself listed on maryanne_spier's "girlsiwishwereinthebsc" list (caption: "If these girls lived in Stoneybrook I'm sure we'd be best friends!"). I chuckled. I wondered how many eyerolls I'd get away with before they staged a sarcasm intervention. ("Kim, we're worried that you're not being sincere when you say hello to your friends. You haven't even updated your Kid Kit lately!") I thoughtfully (read: two martinis deep, finding myself hilarious) answered a tumblr question about whether I'd rather live with Mary Anne or Claudia.
Then I woke up around 4:00 a.m. the other night. I was sick. I could get into the snotty details, but you've all had colds before and you don't really care. I never ended up falling back asleep. Instead - and Isweartogodreallythishappened - I heard a cat inside my apartment.
I don't own a cat. Clearly, there was only one explanation.
Yup. My apartment is haunted. Luckily, I had my iPod touch handy. In the interest of ghostbusting, I tweeted this little gem:
I congratulated myself on my wit and ability to reference books I should've forgotten long ago, and figured that was that. Until I saw this reply: 
I'll have you know that the laundry room in my building is a basement that's straight out of Silence of the Lambs. I can only conclude that Dawn Schafer is trying to have me killed. Probably because I make fun of her so often.Should I tweet back and tell her I'm sorry for all the jokes, and I recycle on a regular basis? Should I put the organic lotion in the handwoven basket? What do I do, internet? What do I do?
I've retained a troubling amount of information about books I read during my childhood.
Bloglovin feed
