#14: Hello, Mallory

For your consideration*, the first cover** to feature Ms. Mallory Pike. The girl can't catch a break, and she knows it. Look at her defeated eyes and slumped posture. And then there's Claudia, who is looking fierce. I'd probably call this bitchface on any other sitter, but Claud is just rockin' out. I'm gonna call shenanigans on the solid colored shirt, though. (No, I don't secretly work for American Apparel. It's just that the comparisons are really easy.) Where is the puffy paint? The beaded flamingo? Where are the Sequins of Creativity***?

Mallory begins Chapter 2 by wondering what the revered thirteen year olds wear to their club meetings. Regrettably, she decides she should dress up. "I thought about Claudia and the other girls in the club. I was pretty sure that when they got dressed up, they wore trendy clothes like big, bright sweater-dresses or sparkly tops and tight pants." Well, except for Kristy. She wears lobster costumes.

"After standing in front of the closet for so long that Vanessa made a pig face at me while she choose her clothes [. . . okay], I finally decided on my red jumper that said Mallory across the front, a short-sleeved white blouse, and white tights with little red hearts all over them."

Oh man, I used to think articles of clothing with your name on them were the SHIT! I had one of the classic L.L.Bean backpacks with my initials on it, but I still longed for another that simply said Kimberly. I thought that would have been the very height of class. But back to the book, because it's about to get awesome:

"'You look like a Valentine,' Vanessa told me, but I didn't care."

A. You should have cared.
B. Scathing sartorial critique from Vanessa! She's doing my job for me. Nice.

Meeting time! Mallory tells us that "Claudia has pierced ears, uses makeup, and wears clothes my mother wouldn't even let me look at in stores, much less buy. Things like short, tight pants [shorts? capris? it's anyone's guess] with little ballet slippers, or torn t-shirts decorated with sequins [of creativity], or overalls and high-topped sneakers. And her jewelry! She has a bracelet that looks like a coiled snake, and earrings that are a dog for one ear and a bone for the other, and I don't know what else."

Oh, I know.

Mary Anne appears to have borrowed an outfit from Stacey again: "a baggy yellow sweater with a silver squiggle pin near the collar, a short skirt made out of sweat-shirt material, yellow tights, and ballet slippers." And we get another description of what it means to be California casual (here described as "kind of casual"): "baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up, shirts with the tails out, and big belts." Mmm. Thrilling.

After Mallory's first meeting, Kristy drops her some helpful advice via the BSC notebook, which is kinda embarrassing since everyone's going to read it. This notebook entry has been lovingly recreated in Paint Shop Pro, because I'm not in the mood to mess with my scanner.

Speak for yourself, Thomas!

Following this lesson in fashion, Mallory adjusts accordingly for the next meeting: "a pair of jeans, a sweat shirt that said I'D RATHER BE WRITING MY NOVEL, and a pair of sneakers. I figured I wouldn't look any better or worse [well. . .] than Kristy, and she was the president."

It only took one meeting to break Mallory's spirit. One! She's completely given up and is now resorting to the worst of all sartorial crimes: dressing for comfort. Comfort! The horror!

* I long to be on Team Griffin.
** from the dibbly-fresh gallery.
*** This is the title of either Claudia's next book, or the band she assembles in high school. You decide!