A Moment with Kim: THIS JUST IN
Luna Lovegood = Claudia Kishi's wizard counterpart. 
Two words: radish earrings.
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A Moment with Kim: If the Babysitters Were Modern-Day Hipsters.
This was accomplished with a single issue of Nylon.
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#13: Goodbye, Stacey, Goodbye
Maybe you've already caught on to the fact that misanthropy is my general life philosophy. Those of you who haven't are probably wondering why I practically froth at the mouth when talking about Stacey. Reason one is that I long for your approval. And you love when I hate.
However, there are other reasons (for one, she dots her "i"s with hearts).
Let's begin.
The woman is a total narcissist. Which I can respect - I spend about 70% of my income on shoes, so it's not like I'm completely unsympathetic to the similarly appearance-obsessed. But she's always talking about her style, as if I'm actually interested in her glitter nail polish or turquoise wool slacks (half the time her style verges on business casual, which is not exactly the image I have of New York fashionistas). She always skims over or outright ignores the vastly superior style of her best friend, and this makes her virtually useless to me. I know when I open a Stacey-narrated book that Claudia will not receive the sycophantic attention she so rightly deserves.
Maybe you've already caught on to the fact that misanthropy is my general life philosophy. Those of you who haven't are probably wondering why I practically froth at the mouth when talking about Stacey. Reason one is that I long for your approval. And you love when I hate.
However, there are other reasons (for one, she dots her "i"s with hearts).
Let's begin.
The woman is a total narcissist. Which I can respect - I spend about 70% of my income on shoes, so it's not like I'm completely unsympathetic to the similarly appearance-obsessed. But she's always talking about her style, as if I'm actually interested in her glitter nail polish or turquoise wool slacks (half the time her style verges on business casual, which is not exactly the image I have of New York fashionistas). She always skims over or outright ignores the vastly superior style of her best friend, and this makes her virtually useless to me. I know when I open a Stacey-narrated book that Claudia will not receive the sycophantic attention she so rightly deserves.
I resent Stacey on Claudia's behalf.
This is not mentally healthy, I know. But once I explain WHY I think you're going to wholeheartedly agree. See, here's the thing. Stacey is spoiled. I'm sure divorce is a terrible thing (I wouldn't know; my parents are that freakish couple who got together in high school and are on, like, year 30 of their marriage and actually still like each other), but the McGills' divorce seems to have worked out pretty well for Stacey. Her guilt-ridden parents are always taking her shopping. Always. And her mom pays for her to have perm after perm. Best believe our girl is not exactly riding the Mom and Pop Kishi gravy train. She has to pay for her fabulous fashions herself, and on a babysitter's salary, no less. And Claudia never had the balls to ask her parents for a fucking diamond ring. At least the McGills responded in a realistic fashion ("bitch, please").
So yeah, Stacey sucks. With that said, this is a pretty sweet book. I really wish Ann M. Martin and company had been able to keep up the sense of realism that permeated the early books in the series. There's even a scene where Claudia and Stacey decide that Stacey can just stay in Stoneybrook and live with the Kishis instead of moving back to New York with her parents. (All four parents immediately shoot down this idea. Which is also pretty realistic.)
Aside from the dangly teddy bear earrings Stacey notices when Claudia is having a conniption fit over losing her first and only best friend, there's only one dose of Claudia style, observed during Stacey's last meeting:
"Claudia was sprawled on the floor, halfway under her bed. She was rooting around in a shoebox and mumbling 'I know I have Fritos somewhere. I just know it.' [Classic!] She was wearing a wonderful Claudia outfit - a purple-and-white striped body suit under a gray jumper-thing. [Descriptive. Thanks, Martin.] The legs of the body suit stretched all the way to her ankles, but she was wearing purple push-down socks anyway. [Because, really, what outfit is complete without a) push-down socks or b) sandals that lace up your calves? Speaking of, I almost bought a pair at H&M the other day just because of the Claudia association, despite the fact that they were sparkly and green and would not match anything I owned and now the more I talk about them the more I want to go back and get them anyway DAMMIT.] Around her middle was a wide purple belt with a buckle in the shape of a telephone. And on her feet were black ballet slippers."
Telephone belt buckle, oh man. And if that wasn't enough, I bring you a mini-edition of What the BSC Wore!
Dawn: ". . . a very short kilt, an oversized red sweater, and yellow socks over red tights. On her head was a red beret with a sparkly initial pin attached to the side."
What? I guess this was before they really settled on the California Casual schtick, because this seems like an outfit straight out of Stacey's closet. In fact, I distinctly remember Stacey wearing a beret with a dinosaur pin in The Truth About Stacey. Get your game on, Martin! I still wished they had dressed Dawn more like Ashley.
Mary Anne: ". . . was wearing an outfit that I had helped her choose. [How philanthrophic of you, Stace.] It was tame, but not dorky - a navy blue minidress with a pink sash, blue tights, and black slippers like Claudia's."
I am so into Gossip Girl that I stopped at "navy blue minidress" and started having happy flashbacks to Blair and Serena traipsing around the city in Lorick's backless dresses. Now those are some fucking New York fashionistas.
Stacey describes Kristy's outfit, too, but I'm not wasting my energy on that crap. You already know what she was wearing.
A Moment with Kim: Get Out Your SunscreenI wonder how Dawn Schafer feels about global warming. Probably good, huh?
What's funny about this particular work of literary genius is that Scholastic must have felt Dawn came off as too much of a blowhard, because they nixed the haughty look of moral superiority on the new edition's cover. I don't know quite how I feel about that. I do know that - unless my eyes deceive me - they also repainted her shirt to achieve that California Casual Texas Tuxedo Look. For this, I'm sure we're all grateful.
Plus, what does 'recycle conservation' even mean? Very mysterious, Schafer.
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#12: Claudia and the New Girl
Let's get this straight, folks: the first rule of the Baby-sitters Club is that you don't talk about the Baby-sitters Club (except for Chapter 3, in which you don't talk about anything but the Baby-sitters Club). Second rule is, if you follow my reference, the same as the first. But the THIRD rule - now that's the one where you aren't allowed to have any friends outside the Baby-sitters Club.
This entry will be filed under the category of What Claudia Wore a Little But Mostly What Claudia's Wacky One-Book-Friend Ashley Wore. And yeah, Ashley's kind of wacky. She's obviously the child of seventies peaceniks who, even today, still have a vaguely illegal aroma emanating from them at all times. A.M.M. tries to attribute it (Ashley's outthereness) to the fact that Ashley went to the Keyes Art Society or something. I think a better explanation would be that Ashley found Papa Peacenik's stash and now spends her afternoons getting baked and painting pictures about the concept of effervescence or something.
The new girl's clothes were the first thing to attract Claud's attention, of course. "They reminded me of something. What was it? Oh, yes. On television not long ago, I'd seen this bizarre movie called Woodstock. It was about a gigantic outdoor rock concert that took place ages ago, like in the sixties, and all the young people who attended it were what my parents call hippies. You know - they wore tons of beaded or silver jewelry and funny long skirts or bell-bottom jeans. The men pierced their ears and wore their hair in ponytails and the women looked like gypsies. (Only my mon said they were 'bohemian.' I think it means the same thing.)"
I already love where this is going.
"Well, this Ashford or whatever her name was [serious lols, but is Ashley really that uncommon a name?], looked like a hippie. She was wearing a very pretty pink flowered skirt that was full and so long it touched the tops of her shoes - which I soon realized were not shoes, but sort of hiking boots. Her blouse, loose and lacy, was embroidered with pink flowers, and both her wrists were loaded with silver bangle bracelets. Her hair, which was almost as long as my friend Dawn's and was dirty blonde, was pulled into a fat braid (which, I might add [you might], was not held in place with a rubber band or anything; it just sort of trailed to an end). But the amazing thing was that because her hair was pulled back, you could see her ears. And she had three pierced earrings in each ear. They were all silver and all dangly, but none matched."
Yuck, that is a lot of dangling silver. Claudia sighs over how lucky Ashley is, since the Conservative Kishis would never let Claudia have six holes. Who knew our girl was such a piercing enthusiast, damn.
When Kristy enters Claud's bedroom for a BSC meeting, Claudia wishes "for the thirty-nine thousandth time [that's such a random number to pick, don't you think? 39?] that she'd do something about her clothes and hair." Ha! She then smoothly turns this musing into an excuse to talk about her own outfit, which, I mean . . . good show, Kishi. [golf clap]
"I was wearing a very short pink cotton dress, white tights [I'm so soaked in Gossip Girl that my mind immediately went to Blair, and I'm not (that) ashamed to admit it], and black ballet slippers. I had swept all of my hair way over to one side, where it was held in place with a piece of pink cloth that matched the dress. Only one ear showed, and in it I had put my big palm tree earring."
Claudia doesn't bother to describe Stacey's outfit (and why should she have to, really?) but she does throw us a bone and mention that Stacey'd "painted her fingernails yellow and then put black polka dots all over them."
I really hate polka dots.
"There she was. She was wearing a puffy white blouse, a blue-jean jacket, a long blue-jean skirt, and those hiking boots again. Beaded bracelets circled both wrists, and she'd tied a strip of faded denim around her head, like an Indian headband."
Nicole Richie circa 2005. Am I wrong? Okay, she probably wouldn't have rocked the Texas tuxedo, but you KNOW you saw that outfit hanging off her bony little frame at one point.
When Claud's art teacher announces that first prize winner in the art show will receive $250 dollars, Claudia can't even begin to think of how she'd spend it. So I decided to extrapolate a bit: I've created a shopping list, complete with creative spelling decisions a la Kishi.
1. akrylic pants and pantbrushses
2. scrunchy mayker to compeat with Stacy's NY scruchies
3. hoe-hoes
4. royle blue acid wash pants. lol hipstrs.
5. goald lame hot pants (dont let mom or Janeen the jenius see)
6. buterfingers
7. neon flop sox
Later in book, in the midst of Claudia's Girlcrush, she notes for the reader that Ashley is wearing "two gold balls and a hoop in one ear. A seashell, a real feather, and a dangly flamingo in the other. Pretty cool." I will begrudgingly admit that doesn't sound too terribly horrendous.
And then, Claudia's love begins to wane. "Then I turned around and nearly ran into Ashley. She was wearing a long, all-the-way-to-her-ankles dress with three rows of ruffles at the bottom. A strip of black cloth was tied around her head. I couldn't see her earrings, but she looked . . . well, all right, I'll admit it. She looked a little bizarre."
. . .
Okay, I know this is early on in the series. And therefore it predates a lot of Claudia outfit madness and mayhem. But damn, girl, are you sure you're qualified to make that kind of critique? She of the bungee-cord belt? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, because in the end Claud drops Ashley like a hot potato and returns to the more normal but also more lame realm of cookie-baking and baby-sitting. They do all eat lunch together at the end, which I guess is supposed to be considered social progress. Even though Kristy displays some shocking Outfit Prejudice:
"Kristy scowled at me, and I knew why. Ashley looked just plain weird in her outfit - a long knitted vest over an even longer shirt which she was wearing tails-out over a skirt that didn't match either the vest or the skirt. [Huh? Pay attention, Ann. I guess on the last page she just stops caring.] And there were those hiking boots again."
Kristy needs to step off. Ashley is just expressing all the colors within her, the ebb and flow of her immortal spirit. Quit hating.
By the way, y'all folks (I was recently visiting my cousins in Louisville) need to thank Bethany from OIT for this entry, because she is the main reason I'm even updating. I had a very surreal encounter with her which began with her asking if I was the girl who wrote [this blog] and ended with me being called a celebrity multiple times, which I did NOT have a problem with. So hats off to Bethany!
And finally, if you are interested in reading a little more about me and my thoughts on the blog, The Phoenix writer Caitlin Curran recently did a short piece on What Claudia Wore. I was NOT aware they were going to use this picture. Now all The Phoenix's readers know that I am the shameful owner of a dirty bathroom mirror.
Let's get this straight, folks: the first rule of the Baby-sitters Club is that you don't talk about the Baby-sitters Club (except for Chapter 3, in which you don't talk about anything but the Baby-sitters Club). Second rule is, if you follow my reference, the same as the first. But the THIRD rule - now that's the one where you aren't allowed to have any friends outside the Baby-sitters Club.
This entry will be filed under the category of What Claudia Wore a Little But Mostly What Claudia's Wacky One-Book-Friend Ashley Wore. And yeah, Ashley's kind of wacky. She's obviously the child of seventies peaceniks who, even today, still have a vaguely illegal aroma emanating from them at all times. A.M.M. tries to attribute it (Ashley's outthereness) to the fact that Ashley went to the Keyes Art Society or something. I think a better explanation would be that Ashley found Papa Peacenik's stash and now spends her afternoons getting baked and painting pictures about the concept of effervescence or something.
The new girl's clothes were the first thing to attract Claud's attention, of course. "They reminded me of something. What was it? Oh, yes. On television not long ago, I'd seen this bizarre movie called Woodstock. It was about a gigantic outdoor rock concert that took place ages ago, like in the sixties, and all the young people who attended it were what my parents call hippies. You know - they wore tons of beaded or silver jewelry and funny long skirts or bell-bottom jeans. The men pierced their ears and wore their hair in ponytails and the women looked like gypsies. (Only my mon said they were 'bohemian.' I think it means the same thing.)"
I already love where this is going.
"Well, this Ashford or whatever her name was [serious lols, but is Ashley really that uncommon a name?], looked like a hippie. She was wearing a very pretty pink flowered skirt that was full and so long it touched the tops of her shoes - which I soon realized were not shoes, but sort of hiking boots. Her blouse, loose and lacy, was embroidered with pink flowers, and both her wrists were loaded with silver bangle bracelets. Her hair, which was almost as long as my friend Dawn's and was dirty blonde, was pulled into a fat braid (which, I might add [you might], was not held in place with a rubber band or anything; it just sort of trailed to an end). But the amazing thing was that because her hair was pulled back, you could see her ears. And she had three pierced earrings in each ear. They were all silver and all dangly, but none matched."
Yuck, that is a lot of dangling silver. Claudia sighs over how lucky Ashley is, since the Conservative Kishis would never let Claudia have six holes. Who knew our girl was such a piercing enthusiast, damn.
When Kristy enters Claud's bedroom for a BSC meeting, Claudia wishes "for the thirty-nine thousandth time [that's such a random number to pick, don't you think? 39?] that she'd do something about her clothes and hair." Ha! She then smoothly turns this musing into an excuse to talk about her own outfit, which, I mean . . . good show, Kishi. [golf clap]
"I was wearing a very short pink cotton dress, white tights [I'm so soaked in Gossip Girl that my mind immediately went to Blair, and I'm not (that) ashamed to admit it], and black ballet slippers. I had swept all of my hair way over to one side, where it was held in place with a piece of pink cloth that matched the dress. Only one ear showed, and in it I had put my big palm tree earring."
Claudia doesn't bother to describe Stacey's outfit (and why should she have to, really?) but she does throw us a bone and mention that Stacey'd "painted her fingernails yellow and then put black polka dots all over them."
I really hate polka dots.
"There she was. She was wearing a puffy white blouse, a blue-jean jacket, a long blue-jean skirt, and those hiking boots again. Beaded bracelets circled both wrists, and she'd tied a strip of faded denim around her head, like an Indian headband."
Nicole Richie circa 2005. Am I wrong? Okay, she probably wouldn't have rocked the Texas tuxedo, but you KNOW you saw that outfit hanging off her bony little frame at one point.
When Claud's art teacher announces that first prize winner in the art show will receive $250 dollars, Claudia can't even begin to think of how she'd spend it. So I decided to extrapolate a bit: I've created a shopping list, complete with creative spelling decisions a la Kishi.
1. akrylic pants and pantbrushses
2. scrunchy mayker to compeat with Stacy's NY scruchies
3. hoe-hoes
4. royle blue acid wash pants. lol hipstrs.
5. goald lame hot pants (dont let mom or Janeen the jenius see)
6. buterfingers
7. neon flop sox
Later in book, in the midst of Claudia's Girlcrush, she notes for the reader that Ashley is wearing "two gold balls and a hoop in one ear. A seashell, a real feather, and a dangly flamingo in the other. Pretty cool." I will begrudgingly admit that doesn't sound too terribly horrendous.
And then, Claudia's love begins to wane. "Then I turned around and nearly ran into Ashley. She was wearing a long, all-the-way-to-her-ankles dress with three rows of ruffles at the bottom. A strip of black cloth was tied around her head. I couldn't see her earrings, but she looked . . . well, all right, I'll admit it. She looked a little bizarre."
. . .
Okay, I know this is early on in the series. And therefore it predates a lot of Claudia outfit madness and mayhem. But damn, girl, are you sure you're qualified to make that kind of critique? She of the bungee-cord belt? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, because in the end Claud drops Ashley like a hot potato and returns to the more normal but also more lame realm of cookie-baking and baby-sitting. They do all eat lunch together at the end, which I guess is supposed to be considered social progress. Even though Kristy displays some shocking Outfit Prejudice:
"Kristy scowled at me, and I knew why. Ashley looked just plain weird in her outfit - a long knitted vest over an even longer shirt which she was wearing tails-out over a skirt that didn't match either the vest or the skirt. [Huh? Pay attention, Ann. I guess on the last page she just stops caring.] And there were those hiking boots again."
Kristy needs to step off. Ashley is just expressing all the colors within her, the ebb and flow of her immortal spirit. Quit hating.
By the way, y'all folks (I was recently visiting my cousins in Louisville) need to thank Bethany from OIT for this entry, because she is the main reason I'm even updating. I had a very surreal encounter with her which began with her asking if I was the girl who wrote [this blog] and ended with me being called a celebrity multiple times, which I did NOT have a problem with. So hats off to Bethany!
And finally, if you are interested in reading a little more about me and my thoughts on the blog, The Phoenix writer Caitlin Curran recently did a short piece on What Claudia Wore. I was NOT aware they were going to use this picture. Now all The Phoenix's readers know that I am the shameful owner of a dirty bathroom mirror.
A Moment with Kim: Haters to the Left
For the directionally challenged haters, it's <----- this way.
Some of you fools are not appreciative enough. You demand pictoral evidence documenting these crimes of fashion. (Some of you even think I should be recreating these outfits, but I am not "exotic" [read: asian] enough to do so.) And once in a while I bring the .jpgs, but quite frankly I am too lazy for that shit most of the time. Isn't it bad enough that I'm doing this? Do you know what it's like to explain this hobby to people in Real Life?
People tend to look at you funny, that's all I'm saying.
Luckily for you, I've been listening to a lot of Blackout lately. And in the inspirational words of Britney Spears' songwriters: "they want more? Well, I'll give them more."
Therefore, we interrupt our irregularly scheduled blogging format to bring you:
I know, I know, you're impressed with my mad Photoshop skills, but you don't have to inundate me with graphic design job offers. Your love is all I ask for. Unless you have that doll and are willing to send it to me, in which case I ask for that.
And yeah, that is candy corn. Cause, why not.
I'm pandering to my audience. And my audience is you. And you know you love me.
xoxo,
Gossip Kim*
* wouldn't it be great/horrible if I went through a Gossip Girl Blog Renaissance? "What's up Upper Bradford Court Siders, Gossip Kim here. Did you see the new perm S. was rocking at the Remember September dance? Don't tell M.A., but my sources informed me that L. and S. were looking mighty cozy. Meanwhile, C. resorted to her usual defense when dealing with yet another mom-funded S. makeover: creating bracelets out of telephone cords. Grab your flak jackets, SMS - I don't think we've seen the last battle in this clash of the fashion titans."
For the directionally challenged haters, it's <----- this way.
Some of you fools are not appreciative enough. You demand pictoral evidence documenting these crimes of fashion. (Some of you even think I should be recreating these outfits, but I am not "exotic" [read: asian] enough to do so.) And once in a while I bring the .jpgs, but quite frankly I am too lazy for that shit most of the time. Isn't it bad enough that I'm doing this? Do you know what it's like to explain this hobby to people in Real Life?
People tend to look at you funny, that's all I'm saying.
Luckily for you, I've been listening to a lot of Blackout lately. And in the inspirational words of Britney Spears' songwriters: "they want more? Well, I'll give them more."
Therefore, we interrupt our irregularly scheduled blogging format to bring you:
I know, I know, you're impressed with my mad Photoshop skills, but you don't have to inundate me with graphic design job offers. Your love is all I ask for. Unless you have that doll and are willing to send it to me, in which case I ask for that.
And yeah, that is candy corn. Cause, why not.
I'm pandering to my audience. And my audience is you. And you know you love me.
xoxo,
Gossip Kim*
* wouldn't it be great/horrible if I went through a Gossip Girl Blog Renaissance? "What's up Upper Bradford Court Siders, Gossip Kim here. Did you see the new perm S. was rocking at the Remember September dance? Don't tell M.A., but my sources informed me that L. and S. were looking mighty cozy. Meanwhile, C. resorted to her usual defense when dealing with yet another mom-funded S. makeover: creating bracelets out of telephone cords. Grab your flak jackets, SMS - I don't think we've seen the last battle in this clash of the fashion titans."
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Super Mystery #3: Baby-sitters' Fright Night
By the time the series got to the Super Mystery stage of the game, they were . . . well, I'll be kind and say reaching. The mysteries in general are pretty notorious for being ludicrous. Even when I first read them I was like "the police want you involved in the investigation? Are you sure?" The cop in those books was always letting them into the interrogation room and stuff like that.
This one involves a huge diamond being hidden in a ceramic pumpkin Abby buys as a souvenir. I'll leave it at that.
"For example, today, while Claudia was no doubt running around Stoneybrook in some tribute to the season that included Halloween colors and themes (last year it was Doc Martens with pumpkin stickers, a hand-batiked shirt in orange and black, plus one orange sock and one black sock), Stacey had gone for almost total black [like her soul?]: black jeans, black boots, black turtleneck, silver cropped top over that, black boots with silver side buttons and silver X earrings."
I feel like there are people who will be okay with that outfit. However, it would help if we could understand what Ghostwriter here was trying to say. Is it a vest? What if it was a silver sequined vest, guys. How Urban Outfitters of her. Seriously.
Oh, and listen to this shit:
"Jessi's fond of wearing leotards even when she is not dancing; she has them in every color imaginable."
ANGRY SIGH.
By the time the series got to the Super Mystery stage of the game, they were . . . well, I'll be kind and say reaching. The mysteries in general are pretty notorious for being ludicrous. Even when I first read them I was like "the police want you involved in the investigation? Are you sure?" The cop in those books was always letting them into the interrogation room and stuff like that.
This one involves a huge diamond being hidden in a ceramic pumpkin Abby buys as a souvenir. I'll leave it at that.
"For example, today, while Claudia was no doubt running around Stoneybrook in some tribute to the season that included Halloween colors and themes (last year it was Doc Martens with pumpkin stickers, a hand-batiked shirt in orange and black, plus one orange sock and one black sock), Stacey had gone for almost total black [like her soul?]: black jeans, black boots, black turtleneck, silver cropped top over that, black boots with silver side buttons and silver X earrings."
I feel like there are people who will be okay with that outfit. However, it would help if we could understand what Ghostwriter here was trying to say. Is it a vest? What if it was a silver sequined vest, guys. How Urban Outfitters of her. Seriously.
Oh, and listen to this shit:
"Jessi's fond of wearing leotards even when she is not dancing; she has them in every color imaginable."
ANGRY SIGH.
#84: Dawn and the School Spirit War
To quote our girl, oh my lord. I am exhausted just thinking about the amount of fashion I'm about to bring you. Plus, this book is the ever-so-subtle Nazi metaphor tome. Remember those? I mean, it's not half as laughable as It Can't Happen Here, but it's still kinda "Very Special Episode", if you get my drift. Plus, it's narrated by Dawn, so you know a lot of self-righteous lecturing lies ahead. The fact that I remembered the title of that Sweet Valley book without even having to google it is kind of making me want to kill myself. I'm hoping and praying it's just stuck in my brain because it's so ridiculously melodramatic. And look at that cover! Poor Elizabeth is always in peril. It must be really tough to be her. Oh, and speaking of those wacky Wakefield twins: check it out.
Okay, that's enough sidetracking. (You and I both know this is categorically untrue: in my world, there is never enough sidetracking.) Let's get started.
So the book starts out with Dawn bitching about how it's still too cold in Stoneybrook for her baggy white cotton pants. Predictably enough, she points out that they would be totally weather-appropriate in California. God, quit yer bitchin' and just buy a plane ticket already.
Dawn also backhandedly shits on Mallory, which amuses me. Direct quote: "despite the age difference, we're friends with Mal because she's also a Baby-sitters Club member." If I was overseeing a rewrite of this book, the next line would be: "Otherwise, we wouldn't be caught dead with this idiot! She's always talking about horses!"
"I smiled to myself when Claudia appeared. Her long black hair was tucked into a wide-brimmed purple rain hat with colorful Native American designs painted on the brim. She wore a matching purple slicker with identical designs along the hum. Even her umbrella matched! She is the only person I know who can manage to look totally fashionable on a disgusting, rainy day.
'What do you think?' Claudia asked when she noticed Mary Anne, Mallory, and me staring at her rain outfit [with looks of sheer horror on our faces]. 'I painted the designs myself. They're authentic. I got them from a book.'"
Oh, a book. Okay, then. Authentic enough for me!
As they're discussing the School Spirit month that this masterpiece will center on, Dawn muses that Claudia's comment about wearing the school colors means that "she was probably already trying to figure out how to work them into a cool new outfit." Damn straight she was! The girl thinks about two things: candy and fashion. And occasionally children, if the little rugrats can't figure out how to entertain themselves. But she resents them for it.
Onwards to Pajama Day. This is where the fun really gets rolling, because shy-to-the-point-of-social-retardation Mary Anne is all tweaked out about the idea of wearing pajamas to school. But let's cut through the bullshit and get back to the fashion.
"'I have an idea for making a pajama set with the initials SMS silk-screened across the front.' said Claudia.
'But aren't you supposed to wear your real pajamas?' Mary Anne asked [while weeping softly into her napkin].
'So I'll sleep in the outfit one night. That will make them real pajamas.' [Touché, Kishi. Your creative mind never fails to amaze.]
'I'm going to wear these pajamas Nannie bought me that are so weird looking I never actually sleep in them,' Kristy said excitedly. 'They have pink bunnies all over them. They'd be perfect.' [Nannie also knits you sweaters with scottie dogs on the front, K-Thom. What's that about?]
'You want to look ridiculous?' Mary Anne asked incredulously.
'Sure, that's the fun of it.' [That is so Kristy. But I kind of love her for it.]
'Kristy, you should wear your hair all stuck up on top of your head,' Claudia suggested. 'You know, like you just woke up.'
'Good idea! But why just me? Why don't you wear your hair like that?'
'Claudia wants to look like she breezes out of bed in attractive silk-screened pajamas with her hair looking perfect,' I teased.
'Exactly,' Claudia said."
Because she is a super-tranny from Transylvania who is not apologizing for it. Seriously though, you know Claudia grew up to be the woman who, after spending the night with a man, sneaks out of bed at 5am and spends an hour making herself all glowing and tousled and sexified and then sneaks back into bed all "what? I always look like this in the morning!" I, on the other hand, don't even bother to wipe the drool off my pillow. Love me, love my excessive amounts of drool, that's what I say.
California Casual time! "I pulled on jeans, a blue workshirt [what? I guess she means it's from Carhartt or something? Ann M. Martin, I demand you explain this fuckery immediately.], socks [good to know], and sneakers, and raced down the stairs. I came to a screeching halt when I reached the kitchen. Mary Anne stood at the counter eating a bowl of corn flakes dressed in a yellow sweat shirt dress, yellow stockings, and black flats. [This could possibly be cute. I'm astounded.] 'Mary Anne, why are you dressed all in . . .' Then I remembered. 'Class Color Day!' I cried.
Yellow was the eighth-grade color. [Thanks, braintrust, but I think we could have figured that one out on our own, especially since you've been in eighth grade for about ten years at this point.]
'I've been dying to wear this new dress somewhere so today seemed like a good opportunity,' Mary Anne said with a hint of apology in her voice. [Don't let her guilt you with her "morals", Mary Anne. Conform to the demands of society! We're all doing it!] I think she felt a little guilty about giving in to School Spirit Month [lord, it's not like it's going to take away her virtue or anything. That's what Logan's there for. That phrasing sounds like Dawn suspects School Spirit Month might be a date rapist.] after all the complaining she'd done.
I didn't blame her, though. If you have a great new yellow dress on a day when you're supposed to wear yellow, why not wear the dress?
I, however, didn't have anything yellow in my wardrobe. And I don't look particularly good in yellow. [Really? Miss Hippie Happy Sunshine?] 'Do you have anything else that's yellow?' I asked Mary Anne.
'I don't think so.' Mary Anne put her bowl in the dishwasher. 'Anyway, it's getting late.'
'I'm going back upstairs to see if I can dig up something yellow.' I said.
'You'd better be fast.' [That's what she said.] [Sorry.]
'Go ahead without me,' I told Mary Anne.
'All right. Good luck.'
I zoomed back upstairs and started pulling open my drawers. There was nothing yellow. Then I threw open the suitcase which still held my summery stuff from [<3<3<3] California [<3<3<3]. 'Yellow! Yes!' I cried triumphantly [nothing like a good triumphant cry] as I snapped up a pair of yellow socks."
Not. Even. Trying. Anyway, it gets hysterical from here, as Dawn ends up snapping at this television interviewer and then is portrayed unfairly as a raging bitch (which, I mean . . . too easy) on the local news show and her mom Sharon gets all into an uproar and the whole community basically implodes. Have you ever thought about how much of life in Stoneybrook revolves around these seven girls? I'm surprised they haven't erected a statue dedicated to the finest organization ever created. No, not Hooters.
Here is a dramatic pictoral representation. I'll give you a moment to digest. Thanks to dibbly-fresh for letting me steal their scan. Without permission.
After all the brouhaha calms down, everyone decides to let those who want to celebrate Spirit Month do so, and those who aren't interested don't have to participate. I mean, duh. They had to hold a fucking town conference over this. Unbelievable. In the final chapter, Dawn lets us know that on Pajama Day, Claudia "looked chic in her lounging pajamas."
Again, duh.
In bad news, I am totally running out of BSC books and the Hadley Salvation Army is failing to provide me with the cheap paperbacks I need. I am getting suspicious here, because that store is overrun with UMass hipsters who snatch up all the good shit before you get there. (However, I did find this hilariously seventies Mary Kate and Ashley vest the other day. It's like, all velvet and flower embroidery and basically looks like something Claudia would have whipped up on a lazy Saturday morning while eating copious amounts of Hersey's kisses.) Is it possible the hipsters are buying my books? 'Cause, how dare they.
Sorry guys, I was drinking some chardonnay while writing this entry and it apparently made me more chatty than usual. If you made it all the way through, we are now bffs and your hand-woven friendship bracelet is in the mail.
Shegotzen: I feel like I'm answering a personal ad, but e-mail me.
To quote our girl, oh my lord. I am exhausted just thinking about the amount of fashion I'm about to bring you. Plus, this book is the ever-so-subtle Nazi metaphor tome. Remember those? I mean, it's not half as laughable as It Can't Happen Here, but it's still kinda "Very Special Episode", if you get my drift. Plus, it's narrated by Dawn, so you know a lot of self-righteous lecturing lies ahead. The fact that I remembered the title of that Sweet Valley book without even having to google it is kind of making me want to kill myself. I'm hoping and praying it's just stuck in my brain because it's so ridiculously melodramatic. And look at that cover! Poor Elizabeth is always in peril. It must be really tough to be her. Oh, and speaking of those wacky Wakefield twins: check it out.
Okay, that's enough sidetracking. (You and I both know this is categorically untrue: in my world, there is never enough sidetracking.) Let's get started.
So the book starts out with Dawn bitching about how it's still too cold in Stoneybrook for her baggy white cotton pants. Predictably enough, she points out that they would be totally weather-appropriate in California. God, quit yer bitchin' and just buy a plane ticket already.
Dawn also backhandedly shits on Mallory, which amuses me. Direct quote: "despite the age difference, we're friends with Mal because she's also a Baby-sitters Club member." If I was overseeing a rewrite of this book, the next line would be: "Otherwise, we wouldn't be caught dead with this idiot! She's always talking about horses!"
"I smiled to myself when Claudia appeared. Her long black hair was tucked into a wide-brimmed purple rain hat with colorful Native American designs painted on the brim. She wore a matching purple slicker with identical designs along the hum. Even her umbrella matched! She is the only person I know who can manage to look totally fashionable on a disgusting, rainy day.
'What do you think?' Claudia asked when she noticed Mary Anne, Mallory, and me staring at her rain outfit [with looks of sheer horror on our faces]. 'I painted the designs myself. They're authentic. I got them from a book.'"
Oh, a book. Okay, then. Authentic enough for me!
As they're discussing the School Spirit month that this masterpiece will center on, Dawn muses that Claudia's comment about wearing the school colors means that "she was probably already trying to figure out how to work them into a cool new outfit." Damn straight she was! The girl thinks about two things: candy and fashion. And occasionally children, if the little rugrats can't figure out how to entertain themselves. But she resents them for it.
Onwards to Pajama Day. This is where the fun really gets rolling, because shy-to-the-point-of-social-retardation Mary Anne is all tweaked out about the idea of wearing pajamas to school. But let's cut through the bullshit and get back to the fashion.
"'I have an idea for making a pajama set with the initials SMS silk-screened across the front.' said Claudia.
'But aren't you supposed to wear your real pajamas?' Mary Anne asked [while weeping softly into her napkin].
'So I'll sleep in the outfit one night. That will make them real pajamas.' [Touché, Kishi. Your creative mind never fails to amaze.]
'I'm going to wear these pajamas Nannie bought me that are so weird looking I never actually sleep in them,' Kristy said excitedly. 'They have pink bunnies all over them. They'd be perfect.' [Nannie also knits you sweaters with scottie dogs on the front, K-Thom. What's that about?]
'You want to look ridiculous?' Mary Anne asked incredulously.
'Sure, that's the fun of it.' [That is so Kristy. But I kind of love her for it.]
'Kristy, you should wear your hair all stuck up on top of your head,' Claudia suggested. 'You know, like you just woke up.'
'Good idea! But why just me? Why don't you wear your hair like that?'
'Claudia wants to look like she breezes out of bed in attractive silk-screened pajamas with her hair looking perfect,' I teased.
'Exactly,' Claudia said."
Because she is a super-tranny from Transylvania who is not apologizing for it. Seriously though, you know Claudia grew up to be the woman who, after spending the night with a man, sneaks out of bed at 5am and spends an hour making herself all glowing and tousled and sexified and then sneaks back into bed all "what? I always look like this in the morning!" I, on the other hand, don't even bother to wipe the drool off my pillow. Love me, love my excessive amounts of drool, that's what I say.
California Casual time! "I pulled on jeans, a blue workshirt [what? I guess she means it's from Carhartt or something? Ann M. Martin, I demand you explain this fuckery immediately.], socks [good to know], and sneakers, and raced down the stairs. I came to a screeching halt when I reached the kitchen. Mary Anne stood at the counter eating a bowl of corn flakes dressed in a yellow sweat shirt dress, yellow stockings, and black flats. [This could possibly be cute. I'm astounded.] 'Mary Anne, why are you dressed all in . . .' Then I remembered. 'Class Color Day!' I cried.
Yellow was the eighth-grade color. [Thanks, braintrust, but I think we could have figured that one out on our own, especially since you've been in eighth grade for about ten years at this point.]
'I've been dying to wear this new dress somewhere so today seemed like a good opportunity,' Mary Anne said with a hint of apology in her voice. [Don't let her guilt you with her "morals", Mary Anne. Conform to the demands of society! We're all doing it!] I think she felt a little guilty about giving in to School Spirit Month [lord, it's not like it's going to take away her virtue or anything. That's what Logan's there for. That phrasing sounds like Dawn suspects School Spirit Month might be a date rapist.] after all the complaining she'd done.
I didn't blame her, though. If you have a great new yellow dress on a day when you're supposed to wear yellow, why not wear the dress?
I, however, didn't have anything yellow in my wardrobe. And I don't look particularly good in yellow. [Really? Miss Hippie Happy Sunshine?] 'Do you have anything else that's yellow?' I asked Mary Anne.
'I don't think so.' Mary Anne put her bowl in the dishwasher. 'Anyway, it's getting late.'
'I'm going back upstairs to see if I can dig up something yellow.' I said.
'You'd better be fast.' [That's what she said.] [Sorry.]
'Go ahead without me,' I told Mary Anne.
'All right. Good luck.'
I zoomed back upstairs and started pulling open my drawers. There was nothing yellow. Then I threw open the suitcase which still held my summery stuff from [<3<3<3] California [<3<3<3]. 'Yellow! Yes!' I cried triumphantly [nothing like a good triumphant cry] as I snapped up a pair of yellow socks."
Not. Even. Trying. Anyway, it gets hysterical from here, as Dawn ends up snapping at this television interviewer and then is portrayed unfairly as a raging bitch (which, I mean . . . too easy) on the local news show and her mom Sharon gets all into an uproar and the whole community basically implodes. Have you ever thought about how much of life in Stoneybrook revolves around these seven girls? I'm surprised they haven't erected a statue dedicated to the finest organization ever created. No, not Hooters.
Here is a dramatic pictoral representation. I'll give you a moment to digest. Thanks to dibbly-fresh for letting me steal their scan. Without permission.
After all the brouhaha calms down, everyone decides to let those who want to celebrate Spirit Month do so, and those who aren't interested don't have to participate. I mean, duh. They had to hold a fucking town conference over this. Unbelievable. In the final chapter, Dawn lets us know that on Pajama Day, Claudia "looked chic in her lounging pajamas."
Again, duh.
In bad news, I am totally running out of BSC books and the Hadley Salvation Army is failing to provide me with the cheap paperbacks I need. I am getting suspicious here, because that store is overrun with UMass hipsters who snatch up all the good shit before you get there. (However, I did find this hilariously seventies Mary Kate and Ashley vest the other day. It's like, all velvet and flower embroidery and basically looks like something Claudia would have whipped up on a lazy Saturday morning while eating copious amounts of Hersey's kisses.) Is it possible the hipsters are buying my books? 'Cause, how dare they.
Sorry guys, I was drinking some chardonnay while writing this entry and it apparently made me more chatty than usual. If you made it all the way through, we are now bffs and your hand-woven friendship bracelet is in the mail.
Shegotzen: I feel like I'm answering a personal ad, but e-mail me.
Super Special #8: Baby-sitters at Shadow Lake
I bring: more pictures. Because it is a snow day and I've yet to even change out of my pajamas. There really couldn't be a better time for me to update. I feel very close to you all after witnessing the dance attire of the last entry together. And I bring better news this time.
And slightly larger.
Seriously, doesn't this cover just embody the spirit of the whole series? Girls around a campfire staring lovingly at each other, holding flashlights under their faces, toasting marshmallows, and wearing some extremely intense American Apparel-style glasses frames? Plus, for once they are all drawn fairly true to what they looked like (in my ten year old mind, anyway). Sure, Dawn's hair still isn't nearly long enough, but at least it's not the same damn shade/style as Stacey's. And of course, they all look approximately 27 years old.
With that said, can we talk about Claudia? Because I feel like I see this outfit on my campus everyday. Minus the side ponytail, that is. I'm starting to think that Claudia was actually some sort of bizarre idiot savant who secretly constructed a time machine and spent a lot of time checking in on 2007/2008. I almost kind of love the cowboy boots. I don't think I could rock them, but our heroine is totally pulling them off.
Thoughts on the other ladies: Now, I'm a big fan of mustard yellow. However. What the hell is Stacey wearing? Why did she think yellow gold was a good jewelry choice? Sam spends the entire book pining after this?
Surprisingly, I'm totally behind Mallory's outfit choice. I don't know why, I just am. I think it's those damn big glasses. They somehow make the safari-reminiscent double breasted shirt okay. With the right pair of shoes (I would probably want to tuck the jeans into some campus boots, but that's me) this could somehow be a good outfit. I find myself quite bemused by the whole thing.
The only other sitter worth noting is Kristy, because she is also surprising me by being almost adorably cute. I always picture her in baggy, ill-fitting stuff, jeans with the bottoms rolled up (why did the illustrators rely so much on that detail? It looked horrible!) and turtlenecks with lots of pills. She is practically L.L. Bean ready in her little preppy sneakers and khakis! Cutie.
And now for some text.
"On that particular day, Claud was wearing a pink tank top over a white tank top and a pair of neon pink-and-black bicycle shorts. Also, she was wearing three pairs of flop socks [ you know what simile is rapidly approaching, don't you], arranged so that her ankles looked like multicolored ice cream cones. Her sneakers were Day-Glo yellow. [cause why not?]
Stacey was wearing a simple (for her) outfit - black leggings [there they are again. Say it with me now: leggings are not pants. Except if Claudia wears them. I'm cool with that.], a long black t-shirt with brilliant [I know she means colorful but I prefer to imagine that the starfishes' SAT results were printed on the back of the shirt] starfish swooping across the front, black flop socks, and high-tops.
'Doesn't black absorb heat?' I asked Stacey. 'Isn't that why people wear a lot of white in the summertime? Because it reflects the sunlight or something? You must be boiling.'
'Yeah, but I look good,' she replied [up for debate, sweetheart], and everyone laughed. Sometimes Stacey says things like that just to annoy me, since I couldn't care less about clothes."
They're all out to get you, Kristy.
"It's four o'clock," said Claudia.
"So?"
"The dance begins at eight."
"Yikes!" I cried. I sat up fast. "Boy, do we have a lot to do."
"Thank goodness we don't have to get too dressed up," I said.
Oh really? Then why do you need four hours? I can't be alone in thinking this is a totally irrational amount of time to spend preparing for a dance in a lodge with a bunch of vacationing families. Even for these two. Oh! By the way, while packing for the babysitters' overnight on Shadow Island, Dawn calls out Claudia for packing her makeup. I think this book takes place not too long after Dawn's Big Date. Maybe she's still bitter.
And finally, I would like to close with another illustration, presented as further evidence of my time machine theory. She's wearing buffalo plaid and Ray-Ban sunglasses. Somebody's been reading a lot of Nylon.
I bring: more pictures. Because it is a snow day and I've yet to even change out of my pajamas. There really couldn't be a better time for me to update. I feel very close to you all after witnessing the dance attire of the last entry together. And I bring better news this time.
And slightly larger.
Seriously, doesn't this cover just embody the spirit of the whole series? Girls around a campfire staring lovingly at each other, holding flashlights under their faces, toasting marshmallows, and wearing some extremely intense American Apparel-style glasses frames? Plus, for once they are all drawn fairly true to what they looked like (in my ten year old mind, anyway). Sure, Dawn's hair still isn't nearly long enough, but at least it's not the same damn shade/style as Stacey's. And of course, they all look approximately 27 years old.
With that said, can we talk about Claudia? Because I feel like I see this outfit on my campus everyday. Minus the side ponytail, that is. I'm starting to think that Claudia was actually some sort of bizarre idiot savant who secretly constructed a time machine and spent a lot of time checking in on 2007/2008. I almost kind of love the cowboy boots. I don't think I could rock them, but our heroine is totally pulling them off.
Thoughts on the other ladies: Now, I'm a big fan of mustard yellow. However. What the hell is Stacey wearing? Why did she think yellow gold was a good jewelry choice? Sam spends the entire book pining after this?
Surprisingly, I'm totally behind Mallory's outfit choice. I don't know why, I just am. I think it's those damn big glasses. They somehow make the safari-reminiscent double breasted shirt okay. With the right pair of shoes (I would probably want to tuck the jeans into some campus boots, but that's me) this could somehow be a good outfit. I find myself quite bemused by the whole thing.
The only other sitter worth noting is Kristy, because she is also surprising me by being almost adorably cute. I always picture her in baggy, ill-fitting stuff, jeans with the bottoms rolled up (why did the illustrators rely so much on that detail? It looked horrible!) and turtlenecks with lots of pills. She is practically L.L. Bean ready in her little preppy sneakers and khakis! Cutie.
And now for some text.
"On that particular day, Claud was wearing a pink tank top over a white tank top and a pair of neon pink-and-black bicycle shorts. Also, she was wearing three pairs of flop socks [ you know what simile is rapidly approaching, don't you], arranged so that her ankles looked like multicolored ice cream cones. Her sneakers were Day-Glo yellow. [cause why not?]
Stacey was wearing a simple (for her) outfit - black leggings [there they are again. Say it with me now: leggings are not pants. Except if Claudia wears them. I'm cool with that.], a long black t-shirt with brilliant [I know she means colorful but I prefer to imagine that the starfishes' SAT results were printed on the back of the shirt] starfish swooping across the front, black flop socks, and high-tops.
'Doesn't black absorb heat?' I asked Stacey. 'Isn't that why people wear a lot of white in the summertime? Because it reflects the sunlight or something? You must be boiling.'
'Yeah, but I look good,' she replied [up for debate, sweetheart], and everyone laughed. Sometimes Stacey says things like that just to annoy me, since I couldn't care less about clothes."
They're all out to get you, Kristy.
"It's four o'clock," said Claudia.
"So?"
"The dance begins at eight."
"Yikes!" I cried. I sat up fast. "Boy, do we have a lot to do."
"Thank goodness we don't have to get too dressed up," I said.
Oh really? Then why do you need four hours? I can't be alone in thinking this is a totally irrational amount of time to spend preparing for a dance in a lodge with a bunch of vacationing families. Even for these two. Oh! By the way, while packing for the babysitters' overnight on Shadow Island, Dawn calls out Claudia for packing her makeup. I think this book takes place not too long after Dawn's Big Date. Maybe she's still bitter.
And finally, I would like to close with another illustration, presented as further evidence of my time machine theory. She's wearing buffalo plaid and Ray-Ban sunglasses. Somebody's been reading a lot of Nylon.- 30 comments • Category: Super Special
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Super Special #7: Snowbound!
As an act of contrition for the dearth of updates, I have scanned an . . . interesting illustration. We can consider it together, explore how it really makes us feel. I'm willing to bet that the answer will be "horrified."
And a link to a larger version. So. Let's begin.
It really annoys me that - hairstyle-wise, at least - you can barely tell Dawn and Stacey apart. Once you look at the outfits, it's quite clear that Stacey is the one dressed like a tramp. Also, earlier in the book she got a perm just for this dance. Judging by this picture, I would say that a refund is in order. And Dawn is wearing some horrible Laura Ashley (I don't think they specify in the book, I'm just remembering prior crimes of fashion) tea-length dress.
Mary Anne and Kristy are also wearing tea-length dresses, which I have always found kinda unflattering. Mary Anne's is so shiny and satiny that I'm expecting an 80s prom movie to break out around her any second now, and Kristy appears to have borrowed her dress from a Sunday School teacher. And she sure does look proud.
Next to Mary Anne we've got Mallory "My parents are SO unfair" Pike. Oh, Mallory. The artist's (artists'?) renditions of her are so all over the place. In some of them she is even surprisingly hot. However, that is not the case here. She may have been sedated before the dance, possibly by those wacky triplets. Her dress is too boring to even snark on. The only thing I can come up with is a half hearted crack about drop-waisted dresses being almost as flattering as tea-length ones. And maybe she just has a long torso. So I'm going to move on. (Thanks for staying with me through that.)
Jessi, I'm sorry to say, looks kinda . . . special. I think she's wearing a one-shouldered dress. Doesn't that seem a little racy for an eleven year old? I mean, she does look about forty-five, so I guess by some bizarre BSC logic it works out. With that bow on the front, she's going to be well-prepared for Mary Anne's 80s prom.
And what is with the hair?
Finally, our girl. I know you can't really tell from my scan, but I can confirm that she is wearing brogues. You are so bomb, Claud. Come to 2008! We're all paying tribute to you! She describes this look as "a black velvet knickers outfit," and knowing that this concoction is made of velvet only makes it all the sweeter. She is also wearing a blouse that is on the verge of pirate-puffy, like she had just seen that Seinfeld episode and found herself inspired ("dere diary: todae i got very enspirred"). And next to that sea of terrible dresses, she looks like the BSC's token cross-dresser. I love it.
There's no need to comment on the side ponytail, is there? Oh, illustrators.
As an act of contrition for the dearth of updates, I have scanned an . . . interesting illustration. We can consider it together, explore how it really makes us feel. I'm willing to bet that the answer will be "horrified."
And a link to a larger version. So. Let's begin.
It really annoys me that - hairstyle-wise, at least - you can barely tell Dawn and Stacey apart. Once you look at the outfits, it's quite clear that Stacey is the one dressed like a tramp. Also, earlier in the book she got a perm just for this dance. Judging by this picture, I would say that a refund is in order. And Dawn is wearing some horrible Laura Ashley (I don't think they specify in the book, I'm just remembering prior crimes of fashion) tea-length dress.
Mary Anne and Kristy are also wearing tea-length dresses, which I have always found kinda unflattering. Mary Anne's is so shiny and satiny that I'm expecting an 80s prom movie to break out around her any second now, and Kristy appears to have borrowed her dress from a Sunday School teacher. And she sure does look proud.
Next to Mary Anne we've got Mallory "My parents are SO unfair" Pike. Oh, Mallory. The artist's (artists'?) renditions of her are so all over the place. In some of them she is even surprisingly hot. However, that is not the case here. She may have been sedated before the dance, possibly by those wacky triplets. Her dress is too boring to even snark on. The only thing I can come up with is a half hearted crack about drop-waisted dresses being almost as flattering as tea-length ones. And maybe she just has a long torso. So I'm going to move on. (Thanks for staying with me through that.)
Jessi, I'm sorry to say, looks kinda . . . special. I think she's wearing a one-shouldered dress. Doesn't that seem a little racy for an eleven year old? I mean, she does look about forty-five, so I guess by some bizarre BSC logic it works out. With that bow on the front, she's going to be well-prepared for Mary Anne's 80s prom.
And what is with the hair?
Finally, our girl. I know you can't really tell from my scan, but I can confirm that she is wearing brogues. You are so bomb, Claud. Come to 2008! We're all paying tribute to you! She describes this look as "a black velvet knickers outfit," and knowing that this concoction is made of velvet only makes it all the sweeter. She is also wearing a blouse that is on the verge of pirate-puffy, like she had just seen that Seinfeld episode and found herself inspired ("dere diary: todae i got very enspirred"). And next to that sea of terrible dresses, she looks like the BSC's token cross-dresser. I love it.
There's no need to comment on the side ponytail, is there? Oh, illustrators.
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#75: Jessi's Horrible Prank
In non-BSC related news, I got linked to by a comment in Oh No They Didn't. I am silly amounts of happy about it. Haaay ONTD!
Also, Lindsay, perhaps Claudia can help you. You look horrible.*
Claudia, on the other hand, looks fantastic. At least according to Jessi she does. But Jessi considers ballet leotards haute couture, so we shouldn't take anything she says too seriously.
First off, this paragraph starts with the usual girlcrushing 'she looks like a model even though she consumes 5 pounds of chocolate on a daily basis' drivel, so we're skipping straight to the outfit. But I thought I'd let you know it was there.
"she always puts together the coolest outfits, mostly from stuff she finds in flea markets. For example, at that meeting she was wearing '50's-style cat's-eye glasses frames, a plastic barrette in the shape of an alligator, a tie-dyed T-shirt, and bell-bottoms. "
Does anyone get the feeling that Claudia dresses crazier than usual for BSC meetings, just to freak out the more sedate members of the club?
p.s. if you have not seen Kristy's Serious Case of Bitchface in the previous entry, the time is now.
* I would also be glad to help, for a meager six-figure consultation fee. Let me know.
In non-BSC related news, I got linked to by a comment in Oh No They Didn't. I am silly amounts of happy about it. Haaay ONTD!
Also, Lindsay, perhaps Claudia can help you. You look horrible.*
Claudia, on the other hand, looks fantastic. At least according to Jessi she does. But Jessi considers ballet leotards haute couture, so we shouldn't take anything she says too seriously.
First off, this paragraph starts with the usual girlcrushing 'she looks like a model even though she consumes 5 pounds of chocolate on a daily basis' drivel, so we're skipping straight to the outfit. But I thought I'd let you know it was there.
"she always puts together the coolest outfits, mostly from stuff she finds in flea markets. For example, at that meeting she was wearing '50's-style cat's-eye glasses frames, a plastic barrette in the shape of an alligator, a tie-dyed T-shirt, and bell-bottoms. "
Does anyone get the feeling that Claudia dresses crazier than usual for BSC meetings, just to freak out the more sedate members of the club?
p.s. if you have not seen Kristy's Serious Case of Bitchface in the previous entry, the time is now.
* I would also be glad to help, for a meager six-figure consultation fee. Let me know.
#74: Kristy and the Copycat
Can you even deal with this cover? I sure can't.
And, to a: the q: in the tagline: only if crimes of fashion don't count.
For a Kristy-narrated book, this is surprisingly loaded with outfit descriptions.
"Claudia settled back on one of the benches with Alicia on her lap and began rooting around in her backpack. I was guessing that she had some junk food stashed inside (Claudia is a junk food gourmet) but I was wrong. [Something tells me Kristy is gonna have some trouble sleeping tonight.] She pulled out a pair of sunglasses: the frames were plain round wire rims, but the green plastic lenses were square, stuck into the frames by their four corners. I had to smile. Claudia definitely has style, and it's definitely, uniquely hers."
Of course Claudia is coming to Krushers practice, now that it's plot-convenient. I see right through you, ghostwriters. A+ on the sunglasses, though.
Okay guys, New York Style coming up!
"Stacey had pulled back her permed [gotta mention that every book] blonde hair back with a leopard-print scarf tied under one ear. [?] She was wearing one of her favorite pairs of earrings, gold leaf-shaped ones. She was also wearing a black wrap long-sleeve top, a short low-slung skirt with a big belt, black tights, and leopard print flats. She looked extremely cool. Which of course she is."
Wow. If the ghostwriters were trying to describe a ballet wrap cardigan, I'm actually kind of on board with that. The rest of it I could take or leave.
"What can I say about Claudia? She's as cool as Stacey. But if Stacey's style is New York [it is?!], Claudia's is - planetary. Out of this world. Planet Claudia."
. . . .
"Today she was into big [that's what she said. what? I miss The Office.]: a big yellow shirt with red x-shaped buttons, enormously baggy white pants, and big red Doc Martens double-laced with black and yellow shoelaces. Her long straight black hair was pulled upon top of her head with more black and yellow shoelaces braided together. Her earrings said 'stop' and 'go' - 'stop' in her left ear and 'go' in her right."
I'd forgotten about those earrings! Excellent work, Claud. Good show, good show.
"On the theory that the clothes make the coach (or at least help), Claudia and Stacey had conferred the night before and had dressed up for the occasion. Claudia was wearing a red satin baseball cap, purple sweatpants that were cut off just below the knees, purple high-tops with neon pink laces, red-and-white-striped socks, and a red and pink tie-dyed crop top shirt. Stacey was in black bicycle shorts with neon yellow racing stripes down the sides, a pair of Nikes with matching neon yellow swooshes on the side, (but ordinary white laces [Claudia: 1 Stacey: 0]), an enormous white v-neck t-shirt, a black jog bra, and a Brooklyn Dodgers baseball cap, turned around backwards. They were both using old gloves of mine. Stacey was wearing my whistle. Claudia had this funky clay whistle shaped like a bird on a leather thong around her neck that she'd made in art class. It didn't really blast like Stacey's, but the Krushers all liked it anyway."
I'm glad for them.
Super Special #5: California Girls!
Bringing out the big guns today - this is one of my all-time favorites. I was ready to claim it was my number one, but then realized that I should NOT be rash about this. However, this outfit makes a strong case for itself.
"You never knew what kind of outfit or hairdo you'll see on Claud. For instance, on the day of this meeting, she was wearing a red shirt with Mexican hats and cactus plants printed on it, and blue-and-white-striped pants held up by polka-dotted suspenders. On her head was what looked like an engineer's cap (it matched her pants), and dangling from her ears were miniature cowboy boots, which she'd made herself."
Take that, Cory Kennedy!
At the airport in LA, Jessi notes that Mr. Schafer is really patient, a trait she is able to observe because they had to wait for "about forty-five minutes" to claim their luggage. " (This is partially because Stacy and Claudia had packed so much.)" That joke's gettin' tired, army of ghostwriters. Just so you know.
And, Claudia's demure date outfit, which sounds too painfully ugly to imagine:
"Ordinarily I would have worn some wild combination of pants and high-topped sneakers and large jewelry. But for this evening I had borrowed a very tame dress from Dawn. I think it might have been a Laura Ashley dress. It was simple - a small-flowered print with half sleeves, a regular old waistline, and a nice lace collar. Then I had borrowed a pair of flat pink shoes from Mary Anne.
I looked like a nine-year-old. Or maybe a grandmother."
Yikes. Yeah ya did.
Bringing out the big guns today - this is one of my all-time favorites. I was ready to claim it was my number one, but then realized that I should NOT be rash about this. However, this outfit makes a strong case for itself.
"You never knew what kind of outfit or hairdo you'll see on Claud. For instance, on the day of this meeting, she was wearing a red shirt with Mexican hats and cactus plants printed on it, and blue-and-white-striped pants held up by polka-dotted suspenders. On her head was what looked like an engineer's cap (it matched her pants), and dangling from her ears were miniature cowboy boots, which she'd made herself."
Take that, Cory Kennedy!
At the airport in LA, Jessi notes that Mr. Schafer is really patient, a trait she is able to observe because they had to wait for "about forty-five minutes" to claim their luggage. " (This is partially because Stacy and Claudia had packed so much.)" That joke's gettin' tired, army of ghostwriters. Just so you know.
And, Claudia's demure date outfit, which sounds too painfully ugly to imagine:
"Ordinarily I would have worn some wild combination of pants and high-topped sneakers and large jewelry. But for this evening I had borrowed a very tame dress from Dawn. I think it might have been a Laura Ashley dress. It was simple - a small-flowered print with half sleeves, a regular old waistline, and a nice lace collar. Then I had borrowed a pair of flat pink shoes from Mary Anne.
I looked like a nine-year-old. Or maybe a grandmother."
Yikes. Yeah ya did.
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#44: Dawn and the Big Sleepover
". . . even the way she dresses is artistic. For instance, she walked into school today wearing a bright yellow, oversize man's jacket with rolled-up sleeves; a wide paisley tie right out of the nineteen-sixties; orange stirrup pants; ankle boots; and huge hoop earring - and you know what? [What?!] On her, it looked totally cool."
WHY ISN'T SHE WEARING A SHIRT? I am alarmed.
And now, the outfit you've all been waiting for. Seriously, if I remember my blog comments correctly, multiple folks have reminisced about Claud appropriating some Flintstones-themed style. For those of you that have hazy half-memories of some ludicrous shit, let me bring this gem of an outfit to the forefront of your minds again. You may never be able to forget it. And if you're lacking a Halloween costume, may I suggest going as Claudia's Tribute to a Time When Dinosaurs and Humans Coexisted in Cartoon Harmony?
"Claudia greeted us at the door to her room with her hair in a ponytail on top of her head, held up by a huge barrette in the shape of a bone, like Pebbles in The Flintstones. It made her hair bounce when she moved. She was even wearing a Pebbles-type outfit - a pink, off-the-shoulder blouse with huge polka dots and a ragged bottom over black tights. On anyone else it would have looked dumb or babyish, but on Claudia it looked cool."
Dawn may want to have her eyes checked; I'm not sure even our fictional fashion idol could pull off this one. At least it's not a side ponytail, I guess. The illustrators for this series relied far too much on that particular hairstyle.
WHY ISN'T SHE WEARING A SHIRT? I am alarmed.
And now, the outfit you've all been waiting for. Seriously, if I remember my blog comments correctly, multiple folks have reminisced about Claud appropriating some Flintstones-themed style. For those of you that have hazy half-memories of some ludicrous shit, let me bring this gem of an outfit to the forefront of your minds again. You may never be able to forget it. And if you're lacking a Halloween costume, may I suggest going as Claudia's Tribute to a Time When Dinosaurs and Humans Coexisted in Cartoon Harmony?
"Claudia greeted us at the door to her room with her hair in a ponytail on top of her head, held up by a huge barrette in the shape of a bone, like Pebbles in The Flintstones. It made her hair bounce when she moved. She was even wearing a Pebbles-type outfit - a pink, off-the-shoulder blouse with huge polka dots and a ragged bottom over black tights. On anyone else it would have looked dumb or babyish, but on Claudia it looked cool."
Dawn may want to have her eyes checked; I'm not sure even our fictional fashion idol could pull off this one. At least it's not a side ponytail, I guess. The illustrators for this series relied far too much on that particular hairstyle.
Super Special #4: Baby-sitters Island Adventure
I'm skipping Super Specials #2 and #3 because I don't really remember any outfit stuff going on. In #2 they were at summer camp and wore uniforms (whatever on that one, by the way) and in #3 Claudia was really busy having a crush on that skiing instructor. I'll come back to them at a later date, maybe. I know you're cool with it.
Especially since this is the Super Special in which Claudia loses a race because of fashion.
"The race started off well (for me) since I was ahead. I had dressed properly for sailing - loose, comfortable clothing that I could move around in [California Casual], and that wouldn't get caught in anything. Claudia, on the other hand, couldn't help dressing up just a little. She is a real clotheshorse, and I guess she wanted to look good, since she knew we'd have an audience. So she'd put on a tank top and baggy drawstring pants. Over the top, she was wearing a button-down shirt of her father's. [Mr Kishi: "Dammit Claudia!"] The sleeves were rolled up, but none of the buttons were buttoned. She was also wearing big earrings that she had made herself. Claudia is quite artistic. [News to me!] So the thing is, she looked good but, as it turned out, she was not dressed for sailing.
As soon as we were on the water and had picked up some speed, her shirt started blowing around. She was busier peeling the shirt off her face than she was steering the boat or doing anything else. Then one of her huge earrings got caught on a sail and had to struggle to set it free. With the wind blowing around me, I couldn't hear anything from her boat, but I could see her lips moving and I bet she was saying some things she isn't supposed to say."
Claud is a badass. Also - suck it, Dawn. Kidding! Mostly.
"That morning I dressed sensibly for our rematch. No jewelry at all (I was not about to lose on account of earrings), and a long-sleeved jersey that I could tuck into my jeans. I even pulled my hair back and braided it so it wouldn't blow in my face.
At about ten o'clock my phone rang. I was just finishing putting on my makeup. (I didn't see how I could possibly lose a race on account of makeup.)"
"Luckily, Dawn didn't seem to need a response. She went on talking. "What, um, what are you wearing?" she asked. I could tell she was trying not to laugh.
'Jeans, a polo shirt, sneakers, and a visor. And my hair is braided, and I do not have any jewelry on,' I answered indignantly."
Actually, that part makes me laugh. Dawn, you're off the hook this time.
I'm skipping Super Specials #2 and #3 because I don't really remember any outfit stuff going on. In #2 they were at summer camp and wore uniforms (whatever on that one, by the way) and in #3 Claudia was really busy having a crush on that skiing instructor. I'll come back to them at a later date, maybe. I know you're cool with it.
Especially since this is the Super Special in which Claudia loses a race because of fashion.
"The race started off well (for me) since I was ahead. I had dressed properly for sailing - loose, comfortable clothing that I could move around in [California Casual], and that wouldn't get caught in anything. Claudia, on the other hand, couldn't help dressing up just a little. She is a real clotheshorse, and I guess she wanted to look good, since she knew we'd have an audience. So she'd put on a tank top and baggy drawstring pants. Over the top, she was wearing a button-down shirt of her father's. [Mr Kishi: "Dammit Claudia!"] The sleeves were rolled up, but none of the buttons were buttoned. She was also wearing big earrings that she had made herself. Claudia is quite artistic. [News to me!] So the thing is, she looked good but, as it turned out, she was not dressed for sailing.
As soon as we were on the water and had picked up some speed, her shirt started blowing around. She was busier peeling the shirt off her face than she was steering the boat or doing anything else. Then one of her huge earrings got caught on a sail and had to struggle to set it free. With the wind blowing around me, I couldn't hear anything from her boat, but I could see her lips moving and I bet she was saying some things she isn't supposed to say."
Claud is a badass. Also - suck it, Dawn. Kidding! Mostly.
"That morning I dressed sensibly for our rematch. No jewelry at all (I was not about to lose on account of earrings), and a long-sleeved jersey that I could tuck into my jeans. I even pulled my hair back and braided it so it wouldn't blow in my face.
At about ten o'clock my phone rang. I was just finishing putting on my makeup. (I didn't see how I could possibly lose a race on account of makeup.)"
"Luckily, Dawn didn't seem to need a response. She went on talking. "What, um, what are you wearing?" she asked. I could tell she was trying not to laugh.
'Jeans, a polo shirt, sneakers, and a visor. And my hair is braided, and I do not have any jewelry on,' I answered indignantly."
Actually, that part makes me laugh. Dawn, you're off the hook this time.
#39: Poor Mallory!
I have been lax in my duties. I would make some sort of semi-witty comparison between myself failing at updating and Claudia failing at writing above a second grade level, but by this point you can probably fill in your own joke for that one.
Claudia, Mallory would like us to know, "is so dibbly sophisticated and chic. She wears wild clothes like big hats; flowered vests over long shirts that belong to her father [I wonder how super-conservative Mr. Kishi feels about Claudia appropriating his business-casual wear into her bizarre fashion concoctions] and which she leaves untucked [GASP!]; short black pants; and then, something just a little offbeat like penny loafers from the 1950s with white bobby socks. And her jewelry. It's the height of dibble-dom. [These are the words on the page. I swear to God.] She makes most of it herself - ceramic-bead necklaces and big dangly earrings, but in shapes you wouldn't expect. For example, in my ears I am allowed to wear studs or very tiny gold hoops. Period. [oh, okay.] Claudia might wear a monkey in one ear and a banana in the other."
And then she might wear a condom in one ear and a dildo in the other. Because she's Claudia. You can't tie her down. You can't tell her what to do. And god knows you can't teach her how to spell.
Hey! Looks like I had it in me after all. Ahhh, nothing like taking stabs at borderline mentally-challenged fictional teenagers. Claud, I love ya baby. You know it's true.
I have been lax in my duties. I would make some sort of semi-witty comparison between myself failing at updating and Claudia failing at writing above a second grade level, but by this point you can probably fill in your own joke for that one.
Claudia, Mallory would like us to know, "is so dibbly sophisticated and chic. She wears wild clothes like big hats; flowered vests over long shirts that belong to her father [I wonder how super-conservative Mr. Kishi feels about Claudia appropriating his business-casual wear into her bizarre fashion concoctions] and which she leaves untucked [GASP!]; short black pants; and then, something just a little offbeat like penny loafers from the 1950s with white bobby socks. And her jewelry. It's the height of dibble-dom. [These are the words on the page. I swear to God.] She makes most of it herself - ceramic-bead necklaces and big dangly earrings, but in shapes you wouldn't expect. For example, in my ears I am allowed to wear studs or very tiny gold hoops. Period. [oh, okay.] Claudia might wear a monkey in one ear and a banana in the other."
And then she might wear a condom in one ear and a dildo in the other. Because she's Claudia. You can't tie her down. You can't tell her what to do. And god knows you can't teach her how to spell.
Hey! Looks like I had it in me after all. Ahhh, nothing like taking stabs at borderline mentally-challenged fictional teenagers. Claud, I love ya baby. You know it's true.
#36: Jessi's Baby-sitter
"My friends and I were dressed in typical outfits. Typical, but not necessarily traditional. For instance, Stacey was wearing tight black pants that reached just above her ankles, and sported a column of four silvery buttons at the bottoms. (The buttons were just for show, I think.) Over the pants she was wearing a long (past her knees) blue jacket made of soft material. [How does Jessi know? Is La Martin trying to imply that Jessi is rubbing up on Stacey? I know the junior members idolize the thirteen year olds, but that's just creepy.] Under that she was wearing a sleeveless blouse. Now that was unusual. [And by unusual, she means stupid. Keep trying, McGill.]
Claud was wearing a fake leopard-skin vest, a fairly tame blouse, and blue leggings. She had made her jewelry herself - five papier-mache [always with the papier-mache] bracelets that were painted in soft desert colors.
Mary Anne and Dawn had traded outfits, which they do pretty often. That's one nice thing about having a stepsister who's your best friend and also about your size. They were both dressed colorfully, and trendily, but not as wildly as Claud and Stace. [I love how Jessi kind of glosses over M.A. and Dawn . . . La Martin must have run out of steam after dreaming up the soft jacket and blue leggings. "They're colorful and trendy, okay? California Casual! Moving on!"]
Then there was Kristy in her jeans and turtleneck [dammit Kristy]. And finally Mal and me, also in jeans, but wearing (if I do say so myself) pretty fresh [fresh = cool, for those of you who've forgotten that the baby-sitters have not discovered drugs and alcohol yet and thus have to entertain themselves by making up annoying slang] sweat shirts. And Mal had been allowed to buy high-top sneakers with beaded designs on the sides!"
Goody for Mal. I think we'll all sleep better tonight knowing that her high-tops are beaded. One small victory for fashion-challenged eleven year olds everywhere.
"My friends and I were dressed in typical outfits. Typical, but not necessarily traditional. For instance, Stacey was wearing tight black pants that reached just above her ankles, and sported a column of four silvery buttons at the bottoms. (The buttons were just for show, I think.) Over the pants she was wearing a long (past her knees) blue jacket made of soft material. [How does Jessi know? Is La Martin trying to imply that Jessi is rubbing up on Stacey? I know the junior members idolize the thirteen year olds, but that's just creepy.] Under that she was wearing a sleeveless blouse. Now that was unusual. [And by unusual, she means stupid. Keep trying, McGill.]
Claud was wearing a fake leopard-skin vest, a fairly tame blouse, and blue leggings. She had made her jewelry herself - five papier-mache [always with the papier-mache] bracelets that were painted in soft desert colors.
Mary Anne and Dawn had traded outfits, which they do pretty often. That's one nice thing about having a stepsister who's your best friend and also about your size. They were both dressed colorfully, and trendily, but not as wildly as Claud and Stace. [I love how Jessi kind of glosses over M.A. and Dawn . . . La Martin must have run out of steam after dreaming up the soft jacket and blue leggings. "They're colorful and trendy, okay? California Casual! Moving on!"]
Then there was Kristy in her jeans and turtleneck [dammit Kristy]. And finally Mal and me, also in jeans, but wearing (if I do say so myself) pretty fresh [fresh = cool, for those of you who've forgotten that the baby-sitters have not discovered drugs and alcohol yet and thus have to entertain themselves by making up annoying slang] sweat shirts. And Mal had been allowed to buy high-top sneakers with beaded designs on the sides!"
Goody for Mal. I think we'll all sleep better tonight knowing that her high-tops are beaded. One small victory for fashion-challenged eleven year olds everywhere.
#33: Claudia and the Great Search
"'. . . I must say, though, that it's hard to believe you are sisters.'
Well, thanks a lot. I've heard that plenty of times, but it never gets any easier. Most people say it when they find out what a dud I am in school. (I can barely spell. [sigh]) I think this teacher meant, though, that Janine and I don't look alike. We certainly don't dress alike. For instance, that day, Janine was wearing one of her usual plain outfits - a long pleated plaid skirt, a white shirt with a round collar, stockings, and blue heels. Her hair is short and cut in a pageboy, so she can't do much with it. I, on the other hand, was dressed in one of my usual wild outfits - a very short black skirt, an oversized white shirt with bright pink and turquoise poodles on it, flat turquoise shoes with ankle straps, and a ton of jewelry, including dangly poodle earrings. My long hair was swept to one side in a high ponytail held in place with a huge pink barrette." I'm pretty surprised that the barrette didn't have a poodle on it.
You gotta love when La Martin uses the crutch of comparing wardrobes to illustrate how different they are.
"If I were handed a check for $250, I'd run to Bellair's Department Store and buy this really neat Day-Glo green sweater with charms knitted into it that I'd seen on sale. [Classic Claudia. I love it.] Then I'd go to the art store and buy some new oil paints, a good supply of brushes, and this great silk-screening set I've had my eye on. After that, if any money was left over, I'd hit the candy store in a bad way. Mmm - Baby Ruth bars, Three Musketeers bars, M & Ms (plain and peanut), Reese's Peanut Butter Cups . . . Oh, the possibilities were mind-boggling." And delicious.
And, to cap it all off, some bsc style for you all to enjoy - particularly Stacey's 'funky New York sweatshirt'.
"I glanced around my bedroom. Every single one of us had leaned forward. On the floor, Jessi in her jeans and ballet leotard, and Mal in a new sweater dress, were leaning forward. On the bed, Stacey in a funky New York sweat shirt, Mary Anne in one of Dawn's baggy t-shirts, and I in a Day-Glo-striped top and skintight knit pants, were leaning forward. And on the desk chair, Dawn, wearing an outfit of Mary Anne's, had cocked her head toward Kristy."
"'. . . I must say, though, that it's hard to believe you are sisters.'
Well, thanks a lot. I've heard that plenty of times, but it never gets any easier. Most people say it when they find out what a dud I am in school. (I can barely spell. [sigh]) I think this teacher meant, though, that Janine and I don't look alike. We certainly don't dress alike. For instance, that day, Janine was wearing one of her usual plain outfits - a long pleated plaid skirt, a white shirt with a round collar, stockings, and blue heels. Her hair is short and cut in a pageboy, so she can't do much with it. I, on the other hand, was dressed in one of my usual wild outfits - a very short black skirt, an oversized white shirt with bright pink and turquoise poodles on it, flat turquoise shoes with ankle straps, and a ton of jewelry, including dangly poodle earrings. My long hair was swept to one side in a high ponytail held in place with a huge pink barrette." I'm pretty surprised that the barrette didn't have a poodle on it.
You gotta love when La Martin uses the crutch of comparing wardrobes to illustrate how different they are.
"If I were handed a check for $250, I'd run to Bellair's Department Store and buy this really neat Day-Glo green sweater with charms knitted into it that I'd seen on sale. [Classic Claudia. I love it.] Then I'd go to the art store and buy some new oil paints, a good supply of brushes, and this great silk-screening set I've had my eye on. After that, if any money was left over, I'd hit the candy store in a bad way. Mmm - Baby Ruth bars, Three Musketeers bars, M & Ms (plain and peanut), Reese's Peanut Butter Cups . . . Oh, the possibilities were mind-boggling." And delicious.
And, to cap it all off, some bsc style for you all to enjoy - particularly Stacey's 'funky New York sweatshirt'.
"I glanced around my bedroom. Every single one of us had leaned forward. On the floor, Jessi in her jeans and ballet leotard, and Mal in a new sweater dress, were leaning forward. On the bed, Stacey in a funky New York sweat shirt, Mary Anne in one of Dawn's baggy t-shirts, and I in a Day-Glo-striped top and skintight knit pants, were leaning forward. And on the desk chair, Dawn, wearing an outfit of Mary Anne's, had cocked her head toward Kristy."
#31: Dawn's Wicked Stepsister
(In the previous entry, so@24 asked when Logan Bruno is going to get some love. The sad truth is: not until he starts wearing oversized sweatshirts and sandals that lace up to his knees.)
"And her clothes! Nobody dresses like Claudia. She is totally cool. She wears funky stuff like pink sparkly high-topped sneakers, or short flared skirts over skintight leggings, or wild jewelry she's made herself. She's good at pottery and is always creating earrings (she has one hole in one ear and two in the other) or beaded necklaces or bracelets."
Leggings. No comment. But seriously, if she (or Ghostwriter) had strung those items together, it'd kinda be an outfit. A ridiculous one, but I think we've established that's pretty much par for the course at this point.
Later, at a meeting, they start talking about what they're going to wear to some dance. These girls LOVE going to dances.
"'I'm wearing my pink dress,' said Claudia. 'The short one. And my earrings look like globes. Oh, and a necklace I made from candy.'
'You had candy in your room and you didn't eat it?' I said."
Snap.
(In the previous entry, so@24 asked when Logan Bruno is going to get some love. The sad truth is: not until he starts wearing oversized sweatshirts and sandals that lace up to his knees.)
"And her clothes! Nobody dresses like Claudia. She is totally cool. She wears funky stuff like pink sparkly high-topped sneakers, or short flared skirts over skintight leggings, or wild jewelry she's made herself. She's good at pottery and is always creating earrings (she has one hole in one ear and two in the other) or beaded necklaces or bracelets."
Leggings. No comment. But seriously, if she (or Ghostwriter) had strung those items together, it'd kinda be an outfit. A ridiculous one, but I think we've established that's pretty much par for the course at this point.
Later, at a meeting, they start talking about what they're going to wear to some dance. These girls LOVE going to dances.
"'I'm wearing my pink dress,' said Claudia. 'The short one. And my earrings look like globes. Oh, and a necklace I made from candy.'
'You had candy in your room and you didn't eat it?' I said."
Snap.
#21: Mallory and the Trouble with Twins
In this book, Mallory spends most of her time complaining about how dorky she is (not without good reason, I'm sure you all remember) . . . which, naturally, includes much discussion of how bomb Claud is. This entry features some serious BSC style, so be prepared!
"Now, let me get back to Claudia Kishi. She's the one who already has pierced ears, remember? Claud is the vice-president of the Babysitters Club and probably the trendiest, coolest kid in all of Stoneybrook Middle School. She's into art and makes some of her own clothes and jewelry - wild things, like socks on which she paints palm trees and coconuts; or gigantic, bright papier-mache pins and bracelets. Whether she makes her clothes or buys them, they are totally cool, and you can count on Claudia to add her own personal touches. "
Mallory is also dying to have her ears pierced, so part of her hero-worshipping includes checking out Claud's ears. "Hanging from them were little pairs of red sneakers. Cool!" She mentions that Dawn is also wearing earrings - clip-on turquoise triangles. "They were cool, too, I guess," she adds doubtfully.
"Claudia was lying on her bed with one leg propped up on a pillow. She'd broken that leg a few months earlier and every now and then, especially if rain was on the way, her leg would give her some trouble. [Betsy's legacy.] She looked absolutely great, though, pillow or no pillow. Her long hair was fixed in about a million braids which were pulled back and held in place behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a t-shirt she'd painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push-down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She'd made those, I knew. She'd found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures and dollhouse furniture. Claudia amazes me."
For whatever reason, in this book Dawn and Mary Anne are little fashion plates as well. But they are salad fashion plates - inferior to Claudia, who is both our dinner plate AND desert bowl of fashion. Mary Anne "was wearing a short plum-colored skirt over a plum-and-white-striped body suit. The legs of the body suit stopped just above her ankles, and she'd tucked the bottoms into her socks. I don't know where her shoes were. She'd taken them off. The neat thing about her outfit was that she was wearing white suspenders with her skirt. I immediately decided to use some of my hard-earned Arnold money to buy suspenders. And maybe a pair of push-down socks like Claud's. Or, if I became rich, to copy Dawn Schafer's entire outfit.
Dawn was wearing this cool oversized (really oversized) blue shirt. One of the coolest things about it was that it was green inside, so that when she turned the collar down and rolled the sleeves up, you could see these nice touches of green at her neck and wrists. She was wearing a green skirt - and clogs. I'd never seen a person actually wearing clogs, just photos of people in Sweden. Dawn was the only kid in school who could get away with wearing them. She is so self-possessed."
Deere Dairy: Why is Don so self-posessed? And why wo'nt she shut up about my twinkies? Luv, Claudia.
"Claud, Dawn, Jessi, and I began opening our presents. We opened the ones from Kristy and Mary Anne first.
'These are the things we kept buying at the mall that day,' Kristy informed us. Her eyes were shining. [Creepy!]
Well, you've never heard such squealing. The earring had been chosen very carefully, and we were all thrilled. Dawn has been given two pairs, studs in the shape of California (her home state [O RLY?]) and others that were gold loops with oranges hanging from them. California oranges, I guess. Claud's earrings looked like artists' palettes, Jessi's were ballet shoes, and mine were horses, since I like to read about them.
'Thank you, thank you!' we kept saying.
Then we opened Claud's earrings. 'I made them myself,' she announced.
Even if she hadn't said so, we all would have known. And we began laughing nonstop. Claud had collected little charms and strung together these wild bunches of minature Coke cans, eyeglasses, forks, animals, you name it, and added feathers and beads."
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Valuable Lesson was about being yourself. Or standing up to your parents. Or getting your ears pierced, maybe. To be perfectly honest, I was more than a little distracted by all the mall visits in this one, so I'm not sure I even have a Valuable Lesson to share with you. For all the Valuable Lessons Ann M. Martin was so keen on cramming in, I'm surprised there wasn't a book in which Claudia has to go the dentist and it turns out that her teeth are rotting right out of her head.
In this book, Mallory spends most of her time complaining about how dorky she is (not without good reason, I'm sure you all remember) . . . which, naturally, includes much discussion of how bomb Claud is. This entry features some serious BSC style, so be prepared!
"Now, let me get back to Claudia Kishi. She's the one who already has pierced ears, remember? Claud is the vice-president of the Babysitters Club and probably the trendiest, coolest kid in all of Stoneybrook Middle School. She's into art and makes some of her own clothes and jewelry - wild things, like socks on which she paints palm trees and coconuts; or gigantic, bright papier-mache pins and bracelets. Whether she makes her clothes or buys them, they are totally cool, and you can count on Claudia to add her own personal touches. "
Mallory is also dying to have her ears pierced, so part of her hero-worshipping includes checking out Claud's ears. "Hanging from them were little pairs of red sneakers. Cool!" She mentions that Dawn is also wearing earrings - clip-on turquoise triangles. "They were cool, too, I guess," she adds doubtfully.
"Claudia was lying on her bed with one leg propped up on a pillow. She'd broken that leg a few months earlier and every now and then, especially if rain was on the way, her leg would give her some trouble. [Betsy's legacy.] She looked absolutely great, though, pillow or no pillow. Her long hair was fixed in about a million braids which were pulled back and held in place behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a t-shirt she'd painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push-down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She'd made those, I knew. She'd found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures and dollhouse furniture. Claudia amazes me."
For whatever reason, in this book Dawn and Mary Anne are little fashion plates as well. But they are salad fashion plates - inferior to Claudia, who is both our dinner plate AND desert bowl of fashion. Mary Anne "was wearing a short plum-colored skirt over a plum-and-white-striped body suit. The legs of the body suit stopped just above her ankles, and she'd tucked the bottoms into her socks. I don't know where her shoes were. She'd taken them off. The neat thing about her outfit was that she was wearing white suspenders with her skirt. I immediately decided to use some of my hard-earned Arnold money to buy suspenders. And maybe a pair of push-down socks like Claud's. Or, if I became rich, to copy Dawn Schafer's entire outfit.
Dawn was wearing this cool oversized (really oversized) blue shirt. One of the coolest things about it was that it was green inside, so that when she turned the collar down and rolled the sleeves up, you could see these nice touches of green at her neck and wrists. She was wearing a green skirt - and clogs. I'd never seen a person actually wearing clogs, just photos of people in Sweden. Dawn was the only kid in school who could get away with wearing them. She is so self-possessed."
Deere Dairy: Why is Don so self-posessed? And why wo'nt she shut up about my twinkies? Luv, Claudia.
"Claud, Dawn, Jessi, and I began opening our presents. We opened the ones from Kristy and Mary Anne first.
'These are the things we kept buying at the mall that day,' Kristy informed us. Her eyes were shining. [Creepy!]
Well, you've never heard such squealing. The earring had been chosen very carefully, and we were all thrilled. Dawn has been given two pairs, studs in the shape of California (her home state [O RLY?]) and others that were gold loops with oranges hanging from them. California oranges, I guess. Claud's earrings looked like artists' palettes, Jessi's were ballet shoes, and mine were horses, since I like to read about them.
'Thank you, thank you!' we kept saying.
Then we opened Claud's earrings. 'I made them myself,' she announced.
Even if she hadn't said so, we all would have known. And we began laughing nonstop. Claud had collected little charms and strung together these wild bunches of minature Coke cans, eyeglasses, forks, animals, you name it, and added feathers and beads."
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Valuable Lesson was about being yourself. Or standing up to your parents. Or getting your ears pierced, maybe. To be perfectly honest, I was more than a little distracted by all the mall visits in this one, so I'm not sure I even have a Valuable Lesson to share with you. For all the Valuable Lessons Ann M. Martin was so keen on cramming in, I'm surprised there wasn't a book in which Claudia has to go the dentist and it turns out that her teeth are rotting right out of her head.
I've retained a troubling amount of information about books I read during my childhood.
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