by Unknown on Wednesday, September 19, 2007

#39: Poor Mallory!

I have been lax in my duties. I would make some sort of semi-witty comparison between myself failing at updating and Claudia failing at writing above a second grade level, but by this point you can probably fill in your own joke for that one.

Claudia, Mallory would like us to know, "is so dibbly sophisticated and chic. She wears wild clothes like big hats; flowered vests over long shirts that belong to her father [I wonder how super-conservative Mr. Kishi feels about Claudia appropriating his business-casual wear into her bizarre fashion concoctions] and which she leaves untucked [GASP!]; short black pants; and then, something just a little offbeat like penny loafers from the 1950s with white bobby socks. And her jewelry. It's the height of dibble-dom. [These are the words on the page. I swear to God.] She makes most of it herself - ceramic-bead necklaces and big dangly earrings, but in shapes you wouldn't expect. For example, in my ears I am allowed to wear studs or very tiny gold hoops. Period. [oh, okay.] Claudia might wear a monkey in one ear and a banana in the other."

And then she might wear a condom in one ear and a dildo in the other. Because she's Claudia. You can't tie her down. You can't tell her what to do. And god knows you can't teach her how to spell.

Hey! Looks like I had it in me after all. Ahhh, nothing like taking stabs at borderline mentally-challenged fictional teenagers. Claud, I love ya baby. You know it's true.