Incredulous Kristy Remains Incredulous; Internet is a Delightful Place
You guys are so great. I love all your Incredulous Kristys. My deepest fear was that you'd be like "huh" and not even bother, but instead you made a bunch of masterpieces, possibly while under the influence. And I would never judge you for that. You work hard! Take the edge off, have another beer. I've been so overjoyed with the incredulous nature of it all that I put up a bunch of them on tumblr. I can't promise that little side project will last (RIP What Chuck Wore), but there was too much gold not to redistribute it somehow.
Of the Kristys submitted in the last post, my favorite had to be lemonpants's Indignant Kristy, who can't even believe these bitches would be grabbin' slices without asking permission.
Ahh, the pizza toast; a great BSC tradition. Lemonpants, if you would like a not-so-gently used copy of Claudia's Book as a reward for this brilliance, please e-mail me.
Other things that are great:
- Phi adding Chloe Doc Martens to her interpretation of Claudia's outfit in Abby the Bad Sport.
- Season five of Bad Girls Club. Don't look at me like that. These are the girls Cokie Mason (AND PROBABLY STACEY MCGILL, JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE) grew up to be. It's the greatest trash ever. Make some popcorn.
- Drew Grant churning out more Bret Easton Ellis/BSC crossovers: Mary Anne's Man, Stacey and Dawn's Big Adventure Parts 1 and 2
- Getting psyched for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Seriously, I can't even talk about how excited I am. There are no words, just squealing noises and jazz hands. Somewhere in Stoneybrook, Mallory is painstakingly sewing some sweet-ass wizard robes for a midnight showing at the Washington Mall. You know she is.
Incredulous Kristy Does Not Have Time For Your Gum Chewing Shenanigans
Guys, look at this fucking book cover. It is practically a meme in itself. First of all, Claudia's room appears to be a barren, orange-carpeted wasteland. Isn't club headquarters supposed to be crowded and messy and full of art supplies and old Halloween candy? (Illustrator: "Look, I put a painting of Hershey's Kisses on the wall, what more do you want.") Secondly, Jessi (wearing some weird shiny leggings that look suspiciously Dov Charney approved) is clearly thinking "oh shit, I am so screwed right now." Wendy (the Bad Baby-sitter of the title) is like "what? This ain't your castle, I can chew some damn gum. Jeez."
Kristy . . . is wearing the bitchiest bitchface of all the bitchfaces. I can't stop staring. It's amazing. Let's take a closer look.
Since you guys make me laugh regularly, I'm pretty sure you can come up with a better caption for her than I can. So I made a memegenerator template for her. I call her Incredulous Kristy, but you can call her whatever you want. If you come up with something funny, please make an image and leave me a comment with a link to your creation. Funniest image wins the dubious prize of a beat up copy of Claudia's Book, where you can learn all about the formative events that made Kishi the artist and bad speller she is today.
Claudia Kishi Can't Help Being Inspirational, She Just Is
Phi sent me the gorgeous image you see above. She's taken on the task of interpreting ghostwriter fashion speak and illustrating Claudia's outfits. This rendition of Claud's look in book #60 (Mary Anne's Makeover) is her first installment. I'm particularly loving the paint-splattered leggings.
#68: Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter
This book should be called Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter and Also the Hilarious Baby-sitter. The Hilarious Baby-sitter is Kristy. But first, a Claudia outfit.
"For example, today she was wearing an oversized white shirt under a black vest covered with a design of shiny beads. (She sewed the beads on it herself.) She wore neon green leggings and black ballet slippers (on which she'd sewn a matching bead design). From one of her pierced ears hung a dangling earring made from the same beads and on the other ear she wore a small green hoop earring. It was an original look that only Claudia could make work."
I've realized that my tendency to overuse parentheses is a direct result of reading too many BSC books as a child. My college professors couldn't even beat it out of me; that's how ingrained in my psyche these damn books are. I may need professional help.
So that's about it for fashion. On a positive note, the folks at Scholastic must've been having a grand ol' time (read: they'd been drinking) when they put this book together, because it is full of hilarity. Except for the b plot about Margo Pike shoplifting troll dolls, but in hindsight that's unintentionally hilarious, too. Come on, Margo. A ring with a troll doll on it? Dream bigger.
Kristy Has A Flair For The Dramatic:
"Kristy was right beside me so I handed her the phone.
That might have been a mistake.
'Dawn, you have to come home, like, right away,' she said urgently into the phone. 'No, I'm not kidding. We're in a mess here and we need you back.'
'You're going to make her feel bad,' said Mary Anne, reaching out to take the phone from Kristy.
Kristy turned away from Mary Anne, still talking into the phone. 'Yes, that was Mary Anne. . . . No, you can't talk to her until you swear you'll come back right away.'
Mary Anne reached around and scooped the phone out of Kristy's hand. 'Don't pay attention to her,' she told Dawn. 'We're doing all right.'
'No, we're not!' Kristy shouted into the mouthpiece."
No wonder she got the role of Peter Pan. BSC President, master thespian . . . is there anything she can't do? (Besides walk in heels, that is.)
Kristy Might As Well Take Over Writing This Blog:
"'Dawn!' she screamed excitedly. We could hear her all the way down in the living room. Instantly we thundered up the stairs to join in on the phone call.
'We just finished watching your video,' Claudia was telling her as we ran into the room. 'It was great!' Claudia cupped her hand around the phone and turned to us. 'It's Dawn.'
'Duh,' said Kristy."
I should be taking notes from this bitch. Snark doesn't have to be wordy. Sometimes a simple yet eloquent "duh" will suffice. Point taken, Thomas. Point taken.
Claudia'd Be Into It: The Uniform Project
I'm sure many of you are already familiar with the Uniform Project (those of you who aren't can read about the site's mission and history here). It was started in 2009 by a woman named Sheena Matheiken who pledged to wear the same dress for a year to raise money for the Akanksha Foundation.
The Uniform Project's Pilot series features a new woman - and dress - each month. Lesley Arfin is taking on the challenge for September, wearing a Judi Rosen design (and plenty of quirky socks!) to raise funds for Phoenix House.
The concept of the Uniform Project is a fascinating one, and I think Claudia would really dig the challenge. Dude, can you even imagine the crazy dress she'd come up with? It'd be of her own design, of course. Probably tie-dyed, maybe with a dramatic cowlneck. She'd add a little something to it each day; by the end of the month it would be covered in sequins, feathers, fringe, perler beads, and puffy paint. She'd mix things up by pairing it with her sneaker collection, snake bracelet, sandals that wrap up her calves, skeleton earrings, bungee cord belt, etc. Flawless bitch!
Below are some images of India Salvor Menuez, who kicked off the Pilot series in August. Her profile describes her as "effortless, artsy, slightly subversive, and ultra mellow" . . . kind of like a certain babysitter we all know and love. Shades of Kishi abound in India's outfit choices, amiright?
Mismatched socks & mismatched shoes (sometimes together), crazy colorful crochet pieces, leggings galore . . . love it. India even cut one version of the dress in half (see the top left and bottom right pictures) and wore it as a skirt & crop top. Girl, you know Claudia would.
BSC at Fashion Week: What Is This I Can't Even
I feel like my entire Google Reader has been taken hostage by New York Fashion Week. Which is pretty great; I get to enjoy NYFW in small, clickable doses (while eating Honey Mustard and Onion pretzels, which would probably be frowned upon at most shows), and Mark All As Read once I'm tired of staring at the beautiful people.
One of my favorite reads has been White Lightning -- Elizabeth Spiridakis is the kind of blogger who inspires me to use cliched phrases like "keeping it real". Plus she gets really excited about ridiculous shoes and throws outfits together in a way Claudia Kishi would totally approve of.
Anyway, I was catching up on her Fashion Week coverage when I came across her entry on Rachel Antonoff's slumber party themed presentation and . . . I died a little inside.
(More information about the presentation can be found on Daily Candy and Stylecaster. If all Fashion Week presentations involved bubbles and s'mores, I'd be trying to elbow my way inside a few right now. 'Cause, come on. Free s'mores.)
Change of Season
Autumn is exciting for many reasons: fall foliage, delicious pumpkin ales, an excuse to eat a lot of candy, my birthday, etc. After a summer of sweating through tank tops, getting back to layering/boots weather is maybe the most exciting reason of all. A lot of fall trend reports (like this one at Refinery29) are pointing to camel as the shade of the season, and I never say no to a good neutral. Below, some items from my fall lust list. Off to rob a bank or two, see ya later.
Clockwise from top left: 1. Frye Darci studded clog 2. UO Risky reader 3. Anthropologie Million Elephants bag 4. Frye Miranda t-strap 5. Swedish Hasbeens Jodhpur bootie 6. Madewell cascade colordrop necklace 7. Madewell biker bomber jacket
#110: Abby the Bad Sport
This book has no redeeming value. There's a lot of talk about soccer and being a team player, and not a single trip to the Washington Mall. I hated it and I would like to have those forty-five minutes of my life back, or reparations* in the form of Madewell gift cards.
At least there was an outfit to go with the standard-issue character introductions.
"Claudia often wears her art on her sleeve - almost literally. On this, my first Monday back at the BSC, for example, she was in a little crop-top muscle shirt that she had batikked green and blue. She'd sewed a bunch of buttons up the front as if it were a vest. She also had on skinny black shorts, one blue sock and one green sock, and black Doc Martens with one blue shoelace (on the foot with the green sock) and one green shoelace (on the foot with the blue sock). Her long black hair had been gathered into a single braid. A blue ribbon with more buttons attached to it was woven into the braid. Her earrings? Buttons, naturally."
Love the sock/shoelace switch-up. Very Clarissa Explains it All. Oh, and let's pretend the socks were thigh-highs, even though we all know Mama Kishi would not be feelin' that. Oh! And let's make the shorts leather. So 2010!
We also have some team spirit from the BSCers, who come to all of Abby's games. They're good friends. I would have told Abby that her sport was boring and I'd support her by meeting her later for a Seinfeld marathon, after she'd gotten all of that running and kicking out of her system.
"Claudia has decorated an oversized T-shirt for the occasion with purple-and-white soccer balls and had made earrings to match. Kristy was wearing a purple baseball hat covered with buttons. Stacey wore a purple silk T-shirt, and Mary Anne was wearing a purple striped shirt. Jessi had on a purple leotard [of course she did], while Mallory was wearing purple-and-white-striped socks and a white hat with a booster button on it."
Dude, the Unicorn Club is going to be so mad when they hear that the babysitters are wearing their signature color.
* Yes. Reparations from Ann M. Martin and her army of ghostwriters. You'd want them too if you'd read this crap.
Fashion Mystery Solved: Claudia's Ballet Slipper Fixation
Remember how often Claudia's outfits involved ballet slippers? Sometimes customized? Stacey talked about Claud's sneaker collection, but inquiring minds really wanted to know about the ballet slippers. I took ballet classes as a child* (didn't we all?) and I could not wrap my head around the concept of anyone wearing those things in public. I mean, they're very cute and comfortable once they've been broken in, but they're super thin leather with a suede sole. They can barely handle a year on the wooden floor of a dance studio. How was she commuting to Stoneybrook Middle School in those things?
My theory was that she either only wore them inside her bedroom or it was a semantic issue -- Ann M. Martin was actually trying to describe ballet flats, and her limited fashion vocabulary caused her to use dance shoe terminology.
Then I saw this entry on No Fashion Victims and nearly did a pas de bourrée of joy. I'd recognize that peach-y nude shade anywhere!
The perfect hybrid of dance shoe and real world flat. They exist. Topshop makes them. And they look super cute with boyfriend jeans. Go make your Kishi fashion dreams come true.
* I was no Jessi, unless Jessi was small and pointy and often had underwear bunching issues with her leotard. Also once in a while I got sent out of the room for fooling around too much. What a shocker.
Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery at the Museum
This isn't a recap blog, but I often talk a little bit about plot in my book entries. Don't expect much of that for the mysteries. I really dislike them, and I've talked about why in past entries.
That said, I'm glad I got my hands on this one. Not because of the plot (it's stupid). The cover, however, more than makes up for the detective-y hijinks. And we get FOUR Claudia outfits. They're all amazing.
1. "I love to put outrageous outfits together, and I hate looking like everyone else. I mean, I do wear trendy clothes, like leggings and big slouchy socks and Doc Marten boots, but I always add my own touches so that I stand out from the crowd. For instance, earrings I've made myself, or a big belt that I found in a thrift store. I also like to play around with my hair. One day I'll wear it in a French braid, and the next day it'll be in a ponytail on the top of my head.
That Sunday, my hair was in a long braid hanging down one side of my head [hey! Me too! Right now!], with red ribbons threaded into it [oh. Damn. Bested again.]. I was wearing a red-and-white striped shirt that hung down almost to my knees, red leggings, and black high-top sneakers. Even though I wasn't planning on going anywhere that afternoon, I had put some thought into my outfit. That's just the way I am."
2. "I had dressed up a little, in pink lace leggings and a long black sweater. My hair was tied back with a pink ribbon, and I was wearing pink ballet-type flats."
As seen on the cover!
Related: wise words from Blair Waldorf. Yeah. Honestly, Kishi. And while we're on the topic of Gossip Girl, I watched a season 4 promo and got all excited (smut! babies! fashion! petty bitchiness! Chuck Bass!), even though I totally know better. I refuse to fall for the CW's shenanigans this time. Your fancy trailers and excellent font choices can't fool me, Schwartz.
3. "'Forget about the mystery! [Seriously, word.] This will be my first formal party, I'm going to meet a famous artist - and I have no idea what to wear!'
'You look nice in what you have on now,' said Kristy. 'Why don't you just wear that?'
I looked down at myself. I was wearing a pair of bright red leggings topped by a white man-tailored shirt and a vest that used to belong to my father. Only Kristy would think my outfit qualified as 'formal'."
3½. (closet search) "Stacey pulled out a black velvet dress. 'How about this?' she asked.
I shook my head. 'Boring,' I said.
She nodded and threw it on the bed. 'What about these silk pants?'
'Are pants okay at a formal party?' asked Mary Anne doubtfully. 'You don't want to look like a kid who doesn't know how to dress.'
'Ditch the pants,' I said immediately.
Stacey pulled outfit after outfit out of my closet. I have a lot of clothes, but nothing seemed right. Most of them are fine for school, or even for special events like dances or parties. But nothing looked right for a party like this one. A grown-up party.
'You look terrific in this,' Stacey said, holding up a bright blue sweater-dress.
'Thanks,' I said. 'But it's not right, either.'
'Do you think I could borrow it?' she asked."
4. "'What's this?' Stacey asked, reaching into the back of the closet and coming out with a long, silky pale green robe embroidered in gorgeous colors. . .
. . . I took off my vest and shirt, and slipped on the kimono. The silk felt soft and light against my skin. It seemed to float around me. I tied the sash (which Mimi called an 'obi') around my waist and stood up straight.
'Wow,' said Mary Anne softly.
'Awesome,' said Stacey. 'You look totally awesome.'
I walked to the mirror to see for myself. The green and blue colors of the kimono set off my black hair, and the long, fluttering sleeves looked romantic. For half a second, I saw Mimi's face instead of mine in the mirror, and I felt tears come to my eyes."
Spoiler alert: the janitor did it. There you go. That's the kind of crook who would steal art, apparently.