#78: Claudia and Crazy Peaches
"As an artist, I have this theory: if you can't eat it or wear it - paint it. That's what helped me decide to use the walls and ceiling of my room as my canvas. I also paint clothes (I tie-dye them, too) and shoes. I have several pairs of high-top sneakers that I decorated in glitter and puff paint. I even have a pair of ballet flats* that are entirely covered in red sequins. I call them my ruby slippers, after Dorothy's in The Wizard of Oz."
I don't know if I've ever loved her more.
"I really enjoy putting unusual combinations together. I'll wear suspenders backwards [this sounds incredibly uncomfortable] with tuxedo pants and a long sleeved T-shirt that I've tie-dyed myself. Or I'll cover an entire jean vest with tiny safety pins and funky plastic charms from a gumball machine and wear that with a jean skirt and bright red cowboy boots."
Sidebar: remember the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is trying to prove to his friends that bright red cowboy boots are totally fashionable? And they're all like, "dude, no." And then he meets some random gay couple, and Ted solicits opinions, and the one guy just goes "Pulling. them. off." Remember that?
I have no point here. I just thought it was funny.
Plot, for those who had stopped reading by this point in the series: Claud's beloved Aunt Peaches is pregnant. She and her husband come to live with the Kishis while preparing to move to Stoneybrook. Peaches wants Claud to hang out with her 24/7, because she quit her job to focus on baby-growing and is understandably bored. Claudia and Peaches end up having a fight. Peaches has a miscarriage (um, unrelated). It's damn sad, as you would expect. (Example sad quote: "Russ took off his coat and held it in his lap as he sat on the arm of the couch. 'The doctors say that Peaches is absolutely fine, and this . . . this was just one of those things. They feel certain that we can try again.' Russ stared at his coat. 'Though I think we may wait quite awhile.'") Yeah. Heavy stuff for a book with an RL4 rating.
We should end on an up note, right?
"Friday. Usually it's the highlight of the week, right? Wrong! I think I had to listen to a lecture from every one of my teachers, including my PE teacher. She thought my sparkle socks were inappropriate for gym class."
A) "But the new kid, Edward Cullen, thought they were great!"
B) Who the hell is her gym teacher? Sue Sylvester?
*I found these Miu Miu ballet flats when I googled 'sequined ballet flats'. If I had $440 just lying around the apartment, they would already be mine.
Things I Couldn't Afford On A Babysitter's Salary in 2008
I was going through old files when I found a wishlist I made back in March of 2008.
(My apologies for the lack of paperclip jewelry and flop socks in the above image.)
It's interesting to look at the colors/styles I was digging two years ago. Honestly, not much has changed in the past couple of years. I'm still really into neutrals and jewel tones, although I tend to wear a helluva lot more grey and black than you might guess from looking at this collage. I still love drapey cardigans and flowing tops. Urban Outfitters was my digital muse, but these days most of my online lusting happens at Need Supply or Anthropologie.
I did end up purchasing some of the items pictured here: the Old Navy lion tee (which is now looking kinda . . . sad. Quality matters, kids!), the Hunter boots, and the Jeffrey Campbell riser oxfords (in black). I ordered the Kat maryjanes (also in black), but I had to send them back because they were cut strangely and gave me massive toe cleavage. Which is a really disgusting phrase.
In other news, I'm (still) trying desperately to ignore my desire for Jeffrey Campbell's Charli clogs, which I mentioned in my last post. I imagine I'd end up in a corner, stroking them and muttering like a loon. Nobody wants that.
. . . but seriously, they're pretty badass, right? Do you think the Pikes are going to need a mother's helper anytime soon?
#52: Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies
"She loves to experiment with her hair, braiding it, twisting it up, wearing ribbons and barrettes and ornaments [like, Christmas ornaments?] in it. And her clothes are outrageous. Her parents let her dress in what style she likes [and then slip J. Crew catalogs under her bedroom door]. A typical Claudia outfit might include a sequined shirt, stirrup pants (maybe black), low black boots, dangly turquoise earrings, and ribbons woven through tiny braids in her hair. And she wouldn't forget sparkly nail polish*."
I hope it was this sequined shirt. 'Cause I don't have $245 dollars, and maybe Claudia would let me borrow hers. Pretty fly, right? While we're at it, I hope she got her hands on those Chanel knockoffs by Jeffrey Campbell. I wear a size 6, Claud!
The plot of this novel is just, like, BABIES. Babies everywhere! My ovaries are sympathetic. As I was re-reading I noticed that Mary Anne decided she's too young for a child now (uhh, yeah) but that 25 seems like a good age. My ovaries were all "SEE? YOU'RE A YEAR LATE! GET MOVING!" So rude.
Anyway, part of the plot has to do with a Modern Living class in which the 8th graders have to pair up and parent a baby. As portrayed by an egg. Shades of Sweet Valley!
"'I don't know why you want to spend so much time with an egg,' Stacey said to me. She brushed her hair out of her eye.
I gasped. 'Sammie is my daughter!' I exclaimed.
Stacey made a face. 'Honestly, Mary Anne.'
Yeah. Honestly, Mary Anne.
* Public service announcement: that shit is a BITCH to get off.
I Believe Claudia Would Spell It 'Pohpuree'
I found the Potpourri category on Jeopardy absolutely befuddling as a child. Just say Misc., Alex. Are you seriously too good for Misc.? Anyway, here's the What Claudia Wore version of the Potpourri category. Bonus: you don't have to answer in the form of a question! You don't have to answer at all! I told you this blog was better than Jeopardy*.
$200 I'm glad to know that Abby Stevenson lists me as a hilarious comedian. So meta!
$400 My current favorite style blog is The Owls Are Not What They Seem. And not just because of the Twin Peaks reference. Noel Vallens recently DIY-ed a candy necklace that screams Kishi. But, you know, a classier version of Kishi (sorry, Claud). If you're not already addicted to Noel & Joelle's outfit photos, go check 'em out immediately.
$600 You can now access this fine corner of the internet through whatclaudiawore.com. Now you no longer have to google "that blog about bsc fashion, you know, the one written by the crazy lady". You're welcome! The sad downside is that blogger is kinda shady about this whole custom domain thing. All my comments - my beautiful, funny, wonderful comments from all you nostalgia fiends - are gone. They will supposedly be restored by the end of the day. We'll see.
$800 VenusZine's Muses of the Moment dresses up the core four in trends from today.
$1000 Refinery29 featured What Claudia Wore in a killer article about weirdo fashion blogs (technical term!), 6 Style Blogs and Their Singular Obsessions. I was extremely flattered to be listed alongside such innovative blogs. Especially Should Be On The Nanny, because anyone who follows me on Twitter knows how I feel about The Nanny (in brief: she is a delightful, nasal angel to be revered forever).
* New slogan? What Claudia Wore used to be subtitled "a look into the closet of Stoneybrook's most fashion-forward babysitter". But maybe it's time for a new era. "What Claudia Wore: It's Better Than Jeopardy" has a really nice ring to it. Or maybe I've had too much caffeine this morning.
The Kishi Aesthetic Lives On, If Only In Nylon Editorials
How this look would be described by Ann M. Martin and/or a ghostwriter: "Claudia has a really unique, really acute sense of style. For example, today she was wearing a teal-and-white striped tank top under a plaid button down shirt and a lime green cardigan. She pinned a flowery brooch to the cardigan, and was sporting an armload of bangles. I think she'd painted some of them herself. She completed the look with floral, knee-length knickers, purple push-down socks, and extremely dibble lace-up heels. A long pink ribbon held back her jet black hair. The outfit would have looked weird on anyone else, but on Claudia it totally worked."
Image from the March 2010 issue of Nylon.
Let's Take A Moment To Appreciate Pop Stars Claudia Would Approve Of
Y'all know what day it is, right?
Okay, yeah, it's Thursday. I guess I should have been more specific. It's Telephone Day, people. I usually watch Survivor and then immediately fall asleep on Thursday nights. Tonight, I'm staying up until 11:30 so I can watch the premiere on E!. I'm fanning myself in anticipation.
If Claudia Kishi was real, she'd probably be a member of the Haus of Gaga by now.
Look at this free bitch. I mean, DAMN.
Update: It's here, for those of you who can't make it 'til 11:30 EST (aka me).
#58: Stacey's Choice
Lazy ghostwriter alert: no outfits in Chapter Two. The below is as good as it gets.
"But Claud and I have the exact same taste in clothes and fashion [they do?], and very similar interests. We are both sophisticated and trendy. I know I sound like I'm bragging, but everyone says this about us. [Sigh.] We keep track of the new styles, and we wear tights and boots, baggy tops, and big jewelry. Claud likes hats, and often wears one, and we experiment with makeup and accessories. We experiment with our hair, too, especially Claudia."
Meh. Here's my outfit, which is perhaps even more boring than the above paragraph: an oversized heathered grey sweater, dark blue Hudson triangle pocket jeans, a bronze two-strand beaded necklace, and a vintage antique gold necklace with a hippie girl charm. I'm also wearing last night's eye makeup. This is FASHION, people.
Sorry I don't have an alligator barrette in my hair. I felt it would clash with the leftover eye makeup. I'll make it up to you with some cover analysis.
This scene occurs immediately after their shopping trip (don't get too excited, they don't get all the way to the Washington Mall). They sure seem happy, don't they? Do you think it's because Jessi and Mal weren't able to come?
Mary Anne looks adorable. I don't know why she felt she needed that haircut. Claudia is wearing cowboy boots, black leggings, and a necklace that she may have gotten at a Prince concert. Kristy felt like a sassy glimpse of calf would complete her ensemble, judging by the cuffed jeans. Stacey looks vaguely simian. Is she suffering from some sort of oversized head/shrunken leg disorder? Is this a side effect of all those insulin shots? Dawn looks like a ray of sweetness and light wrapped in cotton candy. I wonder if she knows that all the hairspray she used on those teased bangs is terrible for the ozone layer.
"We dragged ourselves away from the jewelry and finally (after stopping to look at hair accessories and knee socks) wound up in Junior Dresses.
'Here's a nice one,' said Mary Anne. She held out a plaid dress that maybe a grandmother would look okay in, but not me.
I shook my head.
Dawn pointed to a floral-print dress. [God, what is it with Dawn and floral prints?]
I shook my head. 'I need something wild.'
'Not too wild,' Mary Anne cautioned. 'Not for a dinner with your dad.'
'I'll find something,' I said confidently.
We wandered through Bellair's for nearly an hour. Claud bought a pair of black-and-white checked leggings [I'd prefer to think she bought these . . . or maybe these!]. Mary Anne bought a hair ribbon. Kristy made fun of a two-thousand dollar brooch."
Kristy would be so fun to shop with, guys! I bet it would be like shopping with my boyfriend, who asked me if the $114 jeans I was salivating over would do the dishes for me, too. (They don't, but they make my butt look great. Which is almost as good.) Then I reminded him how much money he just spent on his new car, and he shut up.
"In all honesty, I didn't expect find quite such a challenge at Zingy's. Putting together the perfect outfit there took a little longer than I'd planned. But I did it. (I think I drove the saleswoman crazy in the process, though.) By the time I left I was carrying a shopping bag in which were folded a hot pink (fake) silk jacket which fell to my knees, new black leggings, pink-and-black socks, and a black body suit [Won't the leggings give her some serious pantylines when paired with the body suit? Or is she planning on wearing it on top of the leggings? Don't bodysuits typically have snaps at the crotch? That seems inappropriate.]. I planned to wear the outfit with black flats, and to dress it up with some jewelry and maybe a couple of barrettes in my hair.
When Claud saw me in the final combination of clothes (standing next to a chair piled high with discarded jackets, pants, tops, and socks), she drew in her breath. 'You look fabulous. It is the perfect outfit,' she said."
Well, I suppose she would know. I'm still perplexed by the whole body suit/leggings combination.