by Unknown on Saturday, January 19, 2008

Super Special #7: Snowbound!

As an act of contrition for the dearth of updates, I have scanned an . . . interesting illustration. We can consider it together, explore how it really makes us feel. I'm willing to bet that the answer will be "horrified."

And a link to a larger version. So. Let's begin.

It really annoys me that - hairstyle-wise, at least - you can barely tell Dawn and Stacey apart. Once you look at the outfits, it's quite clear that Stacey is the one dressed like a tramp. Also, earlier in the book she got a perm just for this dance. Judging by this picture, I would say that a refund is in order. And Dawn is wearing some horrible Laura Ashley (I don't think they specify in the book, I'm just remembering prior crimes of fashion) tea-length dress.

Mary Anne and Kristy are also wearing tea-length dresses, which I have always found kinda unflattering. Mary Anne's is so shiny and satiny that I'm expecting an 80s prom movie to break out around her any second now, and Kristy appears to have borrowed her dress from a Sunday School teacher. And she sure does look proud.

Next to Mary Anne we've got Mallory "My parents are SO unfair" Pike. Oh, Mallory. The artist's (artists'?) renditions of her are so all over the place. In some of them she is even surprisingly hot. However, that is not the case here. She may have been sedated before the dance, possibly by those wacky triplets. Her dress is too boring to even snark on. The only thing I can come up with is a half hearted crack about drop-waisted dresses being almost as flattering as tea-length ones. And maybe she just has a long torso. So I'm going to move on. (Thanks for staying with me through that.)

Jessi, I'm sorry to say, looks kinda . . . special. I think she's wearing a one-shouldered dress. Doesn't that seem a little racy for an eleven year old? I mean, she does look about forty-five, so I guess by some bizarre BSC logic it works out. With that bow on the front, she's going to be well-prepared for Mary Anne's 80s prom.

And what is with the hair?

Finally, our girl. I know you can't really tell from my scan, but I can confirm that she is wearing brogues. You are so bomb, Claud. Come to 2008! We're all paying tribute to you! She describes this look as "a black velvet knickers outfit," and knowing that this concoction is made of velvet only makes it all the sweeter. She is also wearing a blouse that is on the verge of pirate-puffy, like she had just seen that Seinfeld episode and found herself inspired ("dere diary: todae i got very enspirred"). And next to that sea of terrible dresses, she looks like the BSC's token cross-dresser. I love it.

There's no need to comment on the side ponytail, is there? Oh, illustrators.


But I don't want to be a pirate!

by shegotzen on 9:10 PM. #

I love you. I just found this blog and it's hilarious.

I currently have a skirt hanging in my closet that I bought because it reminded me of Mary Anne's "famous cities" skirt that she wears to snag Logan.

by Aisling on 2:45 AM. #

Hey, relatively speaking, Claudia has the best outfit there!
I like how they put Jessi in the middle. To show that she's their black friend and they totally love and accept her!
Did they mention she's black? Well, they should have.

by Sarah on 6:42 AM. #

Why is Kristy so happy to be wearing a dress? Why does Jessi indeed, look 45 and not eleven? Why can the illustrators NEVER commit to what Dawn actually looks like? I remember being super scandalised by this when I was young, in NZ "knickers" is another word for I pictured Clauds basically wearing black velvet lingerie...I guess I shouldn't know the picture because it reassured me that she did in fact wear clothes to the dance.

by Laura on 9:46 PM. #

Haha, that update was well worth the wait! I'm surprised Claud didn't have a velvet scrunchie for the ponytail...and that she didn't make earrings, velveteen in one ear, a rabbit in the other. The material of Mary Anne's dress reminds me of what I wore on New Year's, that's the only time you can pull off that shiny stuff!

by Mehreen on 4:23 PM. #

Something that always struck me about the illustrations was that the girls always looked...unwashed. Like a shower could do them good, and maybe running a comb through their hair.

by Robin on 6:43 AM. #

I'm pretty sure Mary Anne's dress is made by the same person who made Josie Grossie's prom dress. It's definitely the same material.

Josie Grossie -- Never Been Kissed

by joanne on 1:33 AM. #

Another thing about the hair: Don't they always describe Dawn's hair as being l-o-o-o-n-g or some shit like that? In that illustration her hair is the same l-e-e-e-n-g-t-h as Stacey's "perm".

by Betsy on 2:01 PM. #

Wow. The picture alone made me burst out laughing.
Stacey looks pretty foxy, actually. Way to slut it up, hobag.
Kristy totally stole that dress from Laura Ingalls Wilder. And is she not wearing a bra? Things seem a little saggy up there.
Dawn looks cute. A bit debutante-ish, maybe.
Mary Anne gets a pass because I have a soft spot for tacky, shiny prom dresses.
Mal gets props for not looking particularly hideous. Congratulations for seeming less repulsive than usual!
Claud is totally a cross-dresser, possibly even a tranny. Tee-hee.
And Jessi ... yeah ... in addition to looking pretty damn matronly for an 11-year-old, she's also the least graceful ballet dancer I've ever seen. Her posture is totally pigeon-toed and awkward.
Ahhh, the BSC: a never-ending fount of hilarity.

by joanna on 8:59 PM. #

Oh Stacey, ever since we found out your secret in Book 3, you've lived how you've wanted to. Even if that means dressing a little whorish.

And Dawn. Come on! You're so hot! Why must you be so conservative! Covering up your long gams does NOT cause global warming.


I swear I'm straight.

Oh! I thought you'd enjoy the 1st bullet point in this entry:

by So@24 on 5:44 PM. #

Welcome back!

This whole illustration is a gem, but Jessi & Mallory's faces are probably the best part of it all.
Eleven is the start of the "awkward years," isn't it?

by kate on 9:50 AM. #

Oh. My. God.

I am in love with this blog. Annnnd linked!

I am actually taken back to the early 00's, when I wrote a fairly lengthly encyclopedia entry for the BSC at

Love love love,

by Tiff on 1:24 AM. #

I'd totally wear that Claudia outfit, give or take a side ponytail.

by dehumidifier on 8:56 PM. #

wow, your blog is perfection!

by Sarah on 4:34 PM. #

Hah, I just realized that Claudia speaks kitteh!

This was my favorite BSC book. The cover always made me feel sorry for Kristy, cause that is a bad dress even by 80s middle school standards.

by Kara on 8:52 PM. #

srsly, claud looks like the buffet waitress at the dance, not a dancer.

still bangin' though. haha.

by Melissa on 10:40 PM. #

This blog is amazing. I remember wanting earrings that one was a dog and the other, a bone. So stylish!

^Aisling, I have a famous cities inspired skirt, too!!

by Rachel on 5:16 PM. #

I think Stacy was modeled after my aunt in high school.

Yes, my aunt dressed trampy. Yes, she had her blonde hair permed. That illustration looks terrifyingly like her...**shudder**

by Chelsea on 7:33 AM. #

Oh oh oh. I'm having trouble controlling my thoughts.
Claud- that's it. No more side ponytails for you. And since when did you have bangs?
Stacey- very sophisticated... for a whore. Your perm = epic fail.
Dawn- brush your hair.
Jessi- oh, Jessi...
Mallory- looks like Mary Anne's pinching you innapropriately. Which of course she would never EVER do.
Mary Anne- your hair actually looks nice (however I'm surprised the photographer wasn't blinded by the glare of the flash reflecting off your dress when they took the photo).
Kristy- I know that's not really you. Not eve you are derranged enough to wear that... thing.
SMS- nice dance decorations.
I wish for a do-over of that illustration.

by stace on 5:02 PM. #

I agree with all of the above, but I think the thing that horrified me the most about this picture the first time I saw it was that Kristy's smile takes up half her face, and Jessi looks like she's trying to touch her eyebrows with her top lip. It's truly terrifying to delve too far into this illustration...

by Jodee on 10:09 AM. #

OK, most of them are awful, but an LBD is classic, not whorey. Leave Stace alone and drop the PHD!

by Libellule on 3:57 AM. #

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