by Unknown on Saturday, January 19, 2008

Super Special #7: Snowbound!

As an act of contrition for the dearth of updates, I have scanned an . . . interesting illustration. We can consider it together, explore how it really makes us feel. I'm willing to bet that the answer will be "horrified."



And a link to a larger version. So. Let's begin.

It really annoys me that - hairstyle-wise, at least - you can barely tell Dawn and Stacey apart. Once you look at the outfits, it's quite clear that Stacey is the one dressed like a tramp. Also, earlier in the book she got a perm just for this dance. Judging by this picture, I would say that a refund is in order. And Dawn is wearing some horrible Laura Ashley (I don't think they specify in the book, I'm just remembering prior crimes of fashion) tea-length dress.

Mary Anne and Kristy are also wearing tea-length dresses, which I have always found kinda unflattering. Mary Anne's is so shiny and satiny that I'm expecting an 80s prom movie to break out around her any second now, and Kristy appears to have borrowed her dress from a Sunday School teacher. And she sure does look proud.

Next to Mary Anne we've got Mallory "My parents are SO unfair" Pike. Oh, Mallory. The artist's (artists'?) renditions of her are so all over the place. In some of them she is even surprisingly hot. However, that is not the case here. She may have been sedated before the dance, possibly by those wacky triplets. Her dress is too boring to even snark on. The only thing I can come up with is a half hearted crack about drop-waisted dresses being almost as flattering as tea-length ones. And maybe she just has a long torso. So I'm going to move on. (Thanks for staying with me through that.)

Jessi, I'm sorry to say, looks kinda . . . special. I think she's wearing a one-shouldered dress. Doesn't that seem a little racy for an eleven year old? I mean, she does look about forty-five, so I guess by some bizarre BSC logic it works out. With that bow on the front, she's going to be well-prepared for Mary Anne's 80s prom.

And what is with the hair?

Finally, our girl. I know you can't really tell from my scan, but I can confirm that she is wearing brogues. You are so bomb, Claud. Come to 2008! We're all paying tribute to you! She describes this look as "a black velvet knickers outfit," and knowing that this concoction is made of velvet only makes it all the sweeter. She is also wearing a blouse that is on the verge of pirate-puffy, like she had just seen that Seinfeld episode and found herself inspired ("dere diary: todae i got very enspirred"). And next to that sea of terrible dresses, she looks like the BSC's token cross-dresser. I love it.

There's no need to comment on the side ponytail, is there? Oh, illustrators.