Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic
So apparently Mary Anne lays out her clothes the night before. Unfortunately for us, she laid out "a pink sweater and chinos, with these cute little boots [she'd] just bought." She guesses that you could say her style is "basically pretty preppy." Also pretty boring, M.A.
"Dawn's room was kind of a mess that day. Clothes were flung all over the place. Her jewelry was scattered over her dressing table, and I counted about seven different shoes littering the floor. 'How can you even have any idea of what clean clothes you have?' I asked, shaking my head [in a disapproving schoolmarmish fashion, I'm sure].
'Oh, I know just where everything is,' said Dawn. 'For example, I'm thinking of wearing my denim skirt today [I sincerely hope it does not have a frayed hemline, but I suspect that frayed hemlines are the height of California Casual], and it's hanging on the closet doorknob. And with it, I'll wear my turquoise necklace [add some coral and antiqued silver and you'd have yourself a fan, Schafer], which is behind that book.'"
She should try my method.(That is, oh, maybe one-sixth of my necklace collection. I need to hire someone to follow me around whispering "recession" in my ear at all times, particularly when I'm at Target and those bastards are brazenly flaunting jewelry collections with names like 'global', 'tribal', 'wannabe hippie shit'**, etc.)
Mary Anne had Sugar Snaps for breakfast. Dawn had Healthi-Os. I just thought you'd want to know.
According to Mary Anne, Claudia is a really sophisticated dresser. "For example, that day she was wearing a lacy white top over a solid white bodysuit [I'd like to imagine she was wearing this one instead], a black mini skirt with white polka dots on it, lacy white leggings [I checked Urban Outfitters for an example but ended up getting distracted by these, which you know she would love], and red high-tops. Plus some really outrageous black-and-white jewelry (earrings and bracelets and necklaces [pile it on, baby, you got that]) that she'd made herself out of papier mâché. Claudia's an excellent artist. You should see the portrait she once painted of Tigger."
It does sound snobbish, Stacey, it does. (See, it's funny because if Claudia had said that I'd be in complete (effusive) agreement. These are the jokes.)
- "From my secret psychological study of Wes, I had reached an important conclusion. He preferred dresses to slacks. So on Friday I wore a light, springlike sundress."
- "I vowed to myself that the next day, Friday, I would wear pants to school for the first time in two weeks. Who cared if Mr. Wesley Ellenburg liked dresses? Besides, how did I know how he felt about clothes, anyway? I had completely misjudged his feelings about me, hadn't I? By the next morning, I had begun to have second thoughts. Maybe I hadn't misjudged Wes's [sic] feelings. Sure, he was a twenty-two-year-old man, but that was still young. Everyone knows boys mature more slowly than girls. Maybe he was confused. Maybe he found it too hard to talk about feelings. Maybe he liked me so much he couldn't find the words to say so. I wore the polka-dotted tank dress to school that day."
- "It was Friday, a half hour before the Spring Dance. Mom and I had gone shopping at Bellair's after school. With her employee discount, she had been able to buy me one of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen."
- " I stood in the bathroom and admired it. It was a calf-length silk/cotton dress with pastel floral print, a scoop neck, and a shirred skirt that was slit to above the knee on one side . . . Then I checked my makeup in the mirror, slipped on my bracelet and silver hoop earrings, and stepped into my flats. I pulled my hair back and fastened it with a ribbon. I was ready. 'Watch out, Wes,' I said to the stunning blonde in the mirror."
- "See you at the dance Friday night. Those words kept repeating in my head. He had said them to me. I know it was a harmless statement, but he didn't have to have said it. He could have said 'see you in class,' which had been what he usually said. But no. He had specifically mentioned the dance to me."
- what Jessi wore: "an indigo blue unitard [of fucking course] with a matching open-mesh oversized cardigan."
So of course he has to awkwardly explain to her that 22 and 13 are more different than she thinks, he's a teacher, etc. Finally. But he totally creeps me out by starting off with "Stacey, you are a brilliant, talented, attractive girl . . ." Seriously, is that at all appropriate within the context of that conversation? I want this Miss Carr wannabe kicked out of Stoneybrook Middle School before someone gets pregnant.
And how glad are you that that stupid plotline is done with? And the equally stupid Eyes Wide Shut thing? And can we talk about the sheer homicial rage on Chuck's face at the end of Monday's episode*? That was pretty intense, huh? Would you say that it was more or less OH SNAP inducing than the "I killed someone" scene from All About My Brother?
* and how hot is that Home Video song?**
** and how much do I love asterisks?