by Unknown on Sunday, August 03, 2008

#14: Hello, Mallory

For your consideration*, the first cover** to feature Ms. Mallory Pike. The girl can't catch a break, and she knows it. Look at her defeated eyes and slumped posture. And then there's Claudia, who is looking fierce. I'd probably call this bitchface on any other sitter, but Claud is just rockin' out. I'm gonna call shenanigans on the solid colored shirt, though. (No, I don't secretly work for American Apparel. It's just that the comparisons are really easy.) Where is the puffy paint? The beaded flamingo? Where are the Sequins of Creativity***?

Mallory begins Chapter 2 by wondering what the revered thirteen year olds wear to their club meetings. Regrettably, she decides she should dress up. "I thought about Claudia and the other girls in the club. I was pretty sure that when they got dressed up, they wore trendy clothes like big, bright sweater-dresses or sparkly tops and tight pants." Well, except for Kristy. She wears lobster costumes.

"After standing in front of the closet for so long that Vanessa made a pig face at me while she choose her clothes [. . . okay], I finally decided on my red jumper that said Mallory across the front, a short-sleeved white blouse, and white tights with little red hearts all over them."

Oh man, I used to think articles of clothing with your name on them were the SHIT! I had one of the classic L.L.Bean backpacks with my initials on it, but I still longed for another that simply said Kimberly. I thought that would have been the very height of class. But back to the book, because it's about to get awesome:

"'You look like a Valentine,' Vanessa told me, but I didn't care."

A. You should have cared.
B. Scathing sartorial critique from Vanessa! She's doing my job for me. Nice.

Meeting time! Mallory tells us that "Claudia has pierced ears, uses makeup, and wears clothes my mother wouldn't even let me look at in stores, much less buy. Things like short, tight pants [shorts? capris? it's anyone's guess] with little ballet slippers, or torn t-shirts decorated with sequins [of creativity], or overalls and high-topped sneakers. And her jewelry! She has a bracelet that looks like a coiled snake, and earrings that are a dog for one ear and a bone for the other, and I don't know what else."

Oh, I know.

Mary Anne appears to have borrowed an outfit from Stacey again: "a baggy yellow sweater with a silver squiggle pin near the collar, a short skirt made out of sweat-shirt material, yellow tights, and ballet slippers." And we get another description of what it means to be California casual (here described as "kind of casual"): "baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up, shirts with the tails out, and big belts." Mmm. Thrilling.

After Mallory's first meeting, Kristy drops her some helpful advice via the BSC notebook, which is kinda embarrassing since everyone's going to read it. This notebook entry has been lovingly recreated in Paint Shop Pro, because I'm not in the mood to mess with my scanner.

Speak for yourself, Thomas!

Following this lesson in fashion, Mallory adjusts accordingly for the next meeting: "a pair of jeans, a sweat shirt that said I'D RATHER BE WRITING MY NOVEL, and a pair of sneakers. I figured I wouldn't look any better or worse [well. . .] than Kristy, and she was the president."

It only took one meeting to break Mallory's spirit. One! She's completely given up and is now resorting to the worst of all sartorial crimes: dressing for comfort. Comfort! The horror!

* I long to be on Team Griffin.
** from the dibbly-fresh gallery.
*** This is the title of either Claudia's next book, or the band she assembles in high school. You decide!

23 comments

Hee. Oh man, love it. As always, you bring your A game, bb.

If Mallory was on the internet, she'd totally be sending Kristy's note to PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NOTES DOT COM, I swear.

by courtney on 3:20 AM. #

It always kind of weirded me out when Mary Anne randomly wore slightly outrageous outfits (like a plum-and-white striped frigging bodysuit?!)

Mallory's parents won't let her wear baggy overalls and high tops like Claudia? Isn't that the standard outfit of most three year olds?

I'm reading way to much into this...nice to see you here again. I love this :)

by Laura @ Hungry and Frozen on 5:20 AM. #

Cover Claud looks kind of like Japanese Zsa Zsa Gabor to me.

by Sada on 1:08 PM. #

hahaha hilarious. I had forgotten how, er, colourful their outfits were. So 80s/early 90s!

by MizzJ on 7:01 PM. #

No one can rock that side pony tail quite like Claudia "Claud" Kishi

by So@24 on 12:21 AM. #

Oh dear. This just reminded me that this entry inspired me to make my own snake bracelet out of cardboard in art class. I thought it was pretty hot at the time!

by Elisabeth Serenade on 2:20 AM. #

I so love this blog. Poor Mallory...always trying so hard. I had forgotten completely about the Valentine outfit. LMAO

by SMILF on 4:19 PM. #

Ok, so what exactly is a jumper? I was thinking sweater, but does that mean she's not wearing pants and only the tights? And why wear a blouse w/a sweater? Anyone know?

by Mehreen on 3:27 AM. #

maybe it's my inner mean girl coming out but I can't feel sorry for Mal. I'm trying but she's so pathetic.

there, I said it.

by Whitney on 3:11 PM. #

ballet slippers abound!

by smashleigh on 3:52 PM. #

I am so thrilled that I found this blog! In middle school, my 7 best friends & I pretty much ROLEPLAYED the BSC all the time (I was Dawn because I have long blonde hair and one of the girls had to be Shannon, the alternate). We used having "meetings" as an excuse for sleepovers (we didn't actually babysit). So bizarre I know, but so fun. These posts brought back a lot of memory and plenty of laughs.

by Ashley in Wonderland on 7:01 PM. #

i used to be addicted to your blog! :P

but i haven't been here in ages... and now i'm back again, only to find ONE new post :'(

sighh--~ i wish you'd blog more :) cuz you know... you're awesome and all :D

p.s. i especially love how you get worked up about the characters :3... and how you sometimes refer to the 13 year old girls as whiny bitches and such

hehe

by rachel may on 9:53 PM. #

I have just started reading your blog, very entertaining!

by Miss Snix on 8:47 AM. #

I freaking love this blog. Now I have to explain to my boyfriend why I spent an hour reading it. Please keep writing.

by Holly on 9:11 AM. #

THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST BLOG EVER! thanks for bringing back so many memories!

by kokostiletto on 1:35 AM. #

god i read these books a million and one years ago!! so cool!!! xo

by Fashionistadiary on 3:23 PM. #

"Well, except for Kristy. She wears lobster costumes"
HAHAHAHA. oh, the halloween dance and those crazy costumes. wasn't dawn alice in wonderland?

and i can't believe mallory couldn't wear overalls! yet she was allowed to wear a jumper...aren't they basically the same thing? no wonder claudia was so cool.

by alicia on 11:49 PM. #

Oh, Mallory's fashion. I have a t-shirt that was given to me as a gift that says "Careful, or you'll end up in my novel." For obvious reasons (which Mal didn't grasp), I don't wear it uin public unless every other single piece of clothing I own is filthy.

by Krista on 9:35 PM. #

Oh, Mallory's fashion. I have a t-shirt that was given to me as a gift that says "Careful, or you'll end up in my novel." For obvious reasons (which Mal didn't grasp), I don't wear it uin public unless every other single piece of clothing I own is filthy.

by Krista on 9:35 PM. #

I couldnt help but notice, isnt her shirt baby blue on the actual cover? im pretty sure its is...

Okay... So the BSC wants Mal to join. But they give her a test on her knowledge-and THEY had to look up the answers. Now, if only people who know that are good enough for the BSC, then they shouldn't be in the club!

It was SO unlike them to be so mean, especially Mary Anne, who's usually so sensitive!

And when Mal told them that Nicky'd broken his finger, Kristy acted like she thought Mal was phychic!

'That accident shouldn't of happened. You were in charge of Nicky. You should've been watching him.'

I'll tell you how Nicky broke his finger! He was playing volleyball with a friend of his. His brothers had JUST come home. They had weird hairdos. His friend saw them and stared. Nicky threw the ball(I don't play volleyball. Maye that's not what you do. Throw it, I mean), and his friend JUST managed to send it back. Nicky didn't think his friend would be able to send it back, and he just caught sight of his brothers besides. So the ball hit and broke his finger.

I'd like to see what KRISTY would've done in that situation.

Oh, yeah, I WOULD've rated it five, except the BSC members drove me CRAZY so much!

Cheers,
Chrissy



V Ribbed Belts

by bestonline323 on 2:52 PM. #

Mallory forgot to wear pants... it happens to the best of us.

by stace on 6:30 PM. #

'Jumper' does not mean the same thing as 'sweater' in American English--although it is the British equivalent of sweater. In the US, a jumper is "a sleeveless one-piece dress usually worn with a blouse." Like what I wore to Sunday school when I was five. The writer was establishing that this was the best outfit Mallory could come up with, her idea of fashionable, and she came out looking like a little kid.

by Libellule on 3:01 AM. #

In other words, no, Mal wasn't wearing pants, but she didn't need any because she had on a (frowsy and childish) dress. Is it a coincidence that 'mal' is French for 'bad?' The perfect name for the most hapless BSC member (although Mallory from Family Ties was actually pretty cool and had great style). I don't envision anyone serenading Ms. Pike with "marry me, Mallory!"

by Libellule on 3:06 AM. #

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