If this doesn't bring you back, you and I were NOT watching the same video cassettes in the 90s. Check the source for more BSC gif sets, including Kristy's first monologue of the series. I can still hear the actress' smirky tone during that line about loving animals and "sitting for Little Miss Piggy." Line read of the century tbh.
Also, please note: Claudia hung her neon yellow sunglasses from her hoop earrings so she could more easily access her snacks. So inspiring.
I am about to turn 30*. What better time could there be to reflect on the important literature I was reading a decade and a half ago? This is adulting, people. Forget figuring out your 401k: real adult behavior is tracking down as many early Sweet Valley University books as you possibly can, and nearly weeping with joy over their trashy perfection.
I mean, there’s implied sex in these books. Drugs. Sociopaths obsessed with Elizabeth Wakefield. Although I guess you’d be hard pressed to find a Sweet Valley series that DIDN’T have sociopaths obsessed with Elizabeth Wakefield. Maybe the one where they’re seven and in second grade, but I wouldn’t bet my apartment on it.
In case you don’t remember this amazing series, a few highlights (not in order, ‘cause who can keep all this nonsense straight?**) from the first ten books:
- Elizabeth gets ‘fat’. Fat just means that she gains, oh, twenty pounds, but the entire campus reacts as though she’s morbidly obese, and of course once she puts her mind to it the pounds magically go away.
- Jessica becomes a waitress. Hilarity ensues.
- Enid changes her name to Alex and becomes an alcoholic.
- Todd and Elizabeth break up. He also becomes an alcoholic.
- It’s never clear how all these 18 year olds are getting so much booze so easily. I guess it’s like Dillon Texas, where 15 year old football players are more than welcome at every bar in town.
- Elizabeth is nearly murdered. Multiple times.
- Jessica gets married. The marriage eventually gets annulled.
- Lila gets married to an Italian count. The marriage ends in a fatal jet ski accident.***
- Elizabeth has a crazy Southern roommate who seduces a biology student and gets him to release a ton of fruit flies in Elizabeth and Jessica’s dorm room. By the time this happens, they’re both so immune to the insanity of their lives that they’re like ‘oh, look, fruit flies.’
- Winston gets assigned to a girls dorm and ends up learning a lot about Womanhood And Himself.
- Sorority drama. It’s pretty much just the Unicorn Club all over again.
- Elizabeth and her new boyfriend are so fucking obsessed with themselves that they make a big damn deal about their one week anniversary, to the point that all their friends end up planning a surprise party for them and they all eat ice cream together. Really.
- Bruce and Lila are involved in a terrible plane crash. They fall in hate-love. It is awesome.
- Stephen Wakefield shoots Jessica’s husband. Or he shoots himself during a dramatic scuffle. Something soapy like that.
- Jessica is almost raped. She is saved by Elizabeth and a mysterious stranger.
- Aggressive racists.
- Lila, wracked with grief over the death of her husband, gives away all of her clothes. And not to me. There’s real tragedy for you.
I mean, it goes on and on. That’s not nearly all of it. I advise you all to quit your jobs immediately and dedicate your lives to reliving this awesomeness. Totally worth it.
It kinda makes me wish there’d been a Babysitters Club: The College Years. I bet things would get real wacky over at Stoneybrook University.
*** I bet you don’t believe this is real.
I can't get enough of the delightful scene on this cover, which unfortunately appears nowhere within the book. Look at those joyful babysitters! Updating Claudia's outfit was pretty easy and fun until I realized it was getting way too classy and coordinated, at which point I threw in some neon accessories. Gotta keep it real Kishi style.
Here's the original book entry, which is formatted kinda funky and missing its image, but hey, close enough, right?
Shameless self promotion: I'm running a giveaway at my job right now and I've grown addicted to promoting it. So, uh, consider entering my contest? The prize is 12 artisan candles and my eternal love and devotion. Fuck, if one of you guys wins it, let me know when I email you from my super-profesh work email (I suggest 'have you found my red ribbon?' as our code) and I'll smuggle a BSC book in there or something. It'll be like Babysitters Chain Letter, but with ethically made candles.
I was touring the internet and came across this. I . . . don't know how to feel about it.
I searched for this show but found nothing else about it online, so I guess it never came to fruition. Maybe Ann M. Martin issued a cease and desist, who knows.
A couple other administrative updates:
1. I kinda accidentally lost the whatclaudiawore.com domain and the company sitting on it wants $$$ to get it back, so, um, we've returned to the super fetch blogspot.com url. I own whatclaudiawore.co (small comforts) so maybe I'll set that up one of these days.
Just more evidence that I'm the most dedicated blogger out there!
2. Sometimes I see things that make me think of Claudia and I add weird captions and put them on Pinterest. It's like a mini-dose of Stoneybrook fashionz. Enjoy! Or don't. Don't let me tell you how to live your best life.
I've retained a troubling amount of information about books I read during my childhood.
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