by Kim on Friday, August 21, 2009

Claudia Kishi Discovers Online Shopping; Singlehandedly Saves Economy.

Mom and Pop Kishi were pretty hard on our girl, huh? They should just be glad her reign of fashion-y terror didn't overlap with the era of Spending All Your Disposable Income on Online Shopping. She would've racked up massive credit card debt in no time. I mean, think about it. She'd be all hopped up on Yodels and frantically bidding on ebay auctions for fringed vests and snake bracelets. (Or snake earrings, or snake rings, or sandals that laced up her calves.*)

Chickdowntown would've seen her coming. And rolled out the virtual welcome mat.

She's fictional, though. And you are not. (At least, not as far as I know.) So they'll settle for your love by sending you this horse shoe slim clutch by Moyna Handbags. Claudia would be totally jealous, am I right? And you're going to look great. (May I suggest pairing it with some shredded denim and earrings made from paper clips and seed beads? So fetch!**)

Wanna get your hands on the clutch? Easy enough. Chickdowntown has one reserved for a lucky What Claudia Wore reader. All you have to do (besides 'live in the United States' - sorry, international ladies) is drop me a comment naming the Ann M. Martin-approved item you'd die to own. Is it Dawn's I'm Awesome necklace? Stacey's beret, adorned with a sparkly dinosaur pin? One of the 5 million jumpsuits these crazy chicks are always sporting? The iconic telephone cord bracelet? Claudia's bungee cord belt? (If so, why? It's a bungee cord, dude.)

The contest will close on September 3rd. I'll use a Ouija board to pick the winner. (Just kidding, I will probably put your names in a sassy hat or something.) In the meantime, follow Chickdowntown on twitter, become a fan on facebook, and check out J.A.K.'s western plaid shirts. Mostly because the yellow/orange one is callin' my name and I just want someone to tell me it'd look great with my Fryes.

I'm gonna go call Claudia, maybe she can find it for me in her dad's closet. Forgive us, Pop Kishi.

* the laces would be two tiny snakes. With beads for eyes. God, I need those sandals immediately.
** If Regina George is Cokie Mason, then Gretchen Weiners is Grace Blume. Think about it.

by Kim on Monday, August 03, 2009

#37: Dawn and the Older Boy

Oh, Dawn. I'm choosing to ignore your teased bangs and will instead focus on your dinner companion. Travis. Travis the Older Boy from California. Travis the Older Boy from California with Suspiciously Pristine Sneakers.
You look smitten, and I'm concerned.

Not so much about the age thing. I mean, I get it lady. Maturity, experience, etc. But this guy looks exactly like my mental picture of Randall Flagg and that CANNOT be a good thing. He's probably two seconds away from eating your face. For god's sakes, woman! Run!

Guys, I know you feel me on this. Just look at him. That is clearly the face of a killer. Dude, he probably has the skin of a killer* as well.

Anyway. Let's get started with some makeovers.

"I glanced around Kristy Thomas's bedroom and saw that all six of my friends were experimenting with lipstick and nail polish. A few of them, like Stacey McGill, were even trying out new hairstyles. It was a sort of mass 'make-over,' and there was a lot of giggling going on. (And some of the 'befores' looked better than the 'after', if you know what I mean.)"

I do know what you mean, but I'm supposed to be the quippy one here. Back off, Schafer.

"Claudia is a beautiful, dramatic-looking Japanese-American who loves exotic clothes. (She's also the vice-president of the BSC.) Claudia's one of those people who can wear anything and get away with it. Today, for example, she had stuck to two colors: black and white. Black cotton bib overalls over a white turtleneck with a shiny black patent leather belt looped around her waist. Black suede ankle boots and white cotton socks. [Wow, yikes. I'm down with mixing up the casual and the formal, but I can't stand behind this. I'm not sure I can ever stand behind visible white cotton socks. Okay, maybe if they're flop socks and I've layered three different pairs so that my ankles look like ice cream cones.] Long black hair swept off her face with giant white plastic barrettes. Anyone else would look like a penguin in that get-up, but Claudia looked great. [Like a beautiful, dramatic-looking, Japanese-American penguin.]

'What do you think,' she asked, holding up a white hoop earring next to her face. 'Too much?'

I nodded. 'Maybe just a little.' The earring was the size of a doorknob."

It's nice of you to get the little people involved, Claud. But you and I both know that the concept of 'too much' doesn't exist in your world. Ignore California Casual over there. She wears clogs.

What? You own clogs? Oh. Well, I'm sure you look GREAT in them. Don't mind me.

Makeover madness continues: "'Stacey had scrunched her own hair into a cloud of blonde curls and was trying for the same effect with my stepsister.

Mary Anne shot me a desperate look [pull it together, Spier] in the mirror, just as Stacey gave a final pat to her hair and said pointedly, 'Doesn't she look great?'

I was on the spot. 'I think it's a nice change,' I began. 'Of course, you wouldn't have to wear it that way every day.'

'She should. It's a big improvement.' Stacey said flatly."

Holy shit, man. It's about to be a (what) GIRLFIGHT**.

The next morning, Dawn meets the Older Boy (henceforth referred to as OB), a friend of Charlie's. The scene is moderately amusing - the babysitters go downstairs, are struck dumb by the presence of cute high school guys, and flock back upstairs to primp.

"Upstairs, I took a quick shower and spent the next hour fiddling with my hair and makeup. I decided that I wanted to look casual (but gorgeous!) and finally settled on a pale blue ten-button top [I'm getting 'henley' from this description] with my favorite jeans."

For whatever reason, said cute high school guys are still chilling in the Brewer's kitchen an hour later. Travis lures Dawn in with ocean talk and mentions of Malibu and his affinity for granola. He even drops some fashion advice, letting her know she should always wear blue. Because it brings out the color of her eyes. Just like the ocean.

I think he should always wear brown. Because he is full of it.

They go on a couple of nebulous date-things (gotta love the nebulous date-thing, staring across the table all "hmm. This feels date-y. I'm totally catching vibes here.") after school involving grilled cheese sandwiches and girly accessory shopping. No joke.

Oh, and he gives her a blue beaded necklace and hair combs. "'When I saw this,'" he smarms, "'it just made me think of you. That's all. It's the same shade as your eyes.'"

You know, I might have found that kinda cute, but he follows it up by being a total douche and not appreciating Schafer for the unique little snowflake that we all know she is. God, what a jerk. It's my job to tell these girls they look like crap.

Check out this gem:

"'Usually, I just brush my hair and wear it straight. It's so long.'

'Oh yeah. That's another thing I wanted to mention.' Travis picked up a strand of hair and looked at critically. 'When's the last time you got your hair cut?'

'Cut? I never get it cut. Well, sometimes I have the ends trimmed a little.'

Travis gave me a very serious look. 'I think you should lose a few inches, maybe three or four. It will give your hair more lift, you know?'" [Seriously, I would smack a guy for telling me I needed to cut my hair.]

"'Maybe,' I said doubtfully. I like my hair the way it is - very long and fine. Whenever I try a new style, I usually hate it and go right back to wearing it straight."

Feel ya, girl. I experimented with bangs a couple years ago and couldn't hack it after a few short months. Now where was I? Oh yeah, somewhere around "this guy spends a creepy amount of time looking at/thinking about jewelry":

"'I saw some pierced earrings in here that would look great on you,' he said. He led me to a display counter and spun an earring tree with his thumb. 'Good! They're still here.' He lifted a pair of delicate silver earrings off the tree and held them out to me. 'Do you like them?'

They were perfect. Tiny butterflies in flight. 'I love them,' I said softly.

[I suspect Merry-Go-Round is the Stoneybrook version of a Claire's Accessories. Have some class, Older Boy.]

Travis held them up to my ear and smiled. 'I knew they'd be right for you.'

'I'll wear them under the stars,' I promised him. (I should explain that I wear two earrings in each ear.)

'No,' Travis said flatly. 'You should wear them up higher. Just get another hole punched in your ear.'"

Hey. Sociopath. Calm the hell down. And then he has the audacity to bring Cali back into the equation, claiming that "all the girls" have 3 holes in each ear. Look, I know I talk a lot of shit about Schafer, but I am very wounded by all this making over of a fictional teenager who is perfectly fine just as she is***.

After Dawn hears that Travis has been hanging out with a girl his age (Kristy's big mouth strikes again), she makes the totally rational decision to stalk him. Yeah, I smell a healthy relationship in the works here. Would more Twilight jokes be appropriate at this time****?

Travis is wearing "faded jeans and a white t-shirt" when Dawn spots him. "But he wasn't alone. He turned around and linked arms with a great-looking girl. Her long red hair tumbled down her back, and she had high cheekbones, just like a model. She was dressed in a white cotton flight suit [I was all 'this must be some high-fashion terminology I've never heard of', but then I google image searched 'flight suit' and the results were precisely what I'd imagined], exactly the kind of trendy outfit that Claudia or Stacey would wear. I hated her on sight, and then I stopped and reminded myself that it wasn't her fault she was gorgeous."

The outfit, on the other hand, is entirely her fault.

So Dawn spies on Travis and Sara (or Flight Suit Girl, as I prefer to think of her) a second time. Travis takes Sara to Merry-Go-Round, and Dawn decides it's time to confront him. She starts by being all 'so, looks like this is one of your favorite spots.' The dig doesn't have the impact she'd hoped for, and Flight Suit Girl interrupts by showing Travis some "heavy gold hoop earrings.

'What do you think, Travis?' she asked, ignoring me. 'Are these too big?'

I couldn't resist. 'Yes, definitely too big. They look like they should be holding up a shower curtain.'

[What does Dawn have against big jewelry? Hrmph.]

Sara frowned and gave Travis a 'who-is-this-person?' look, and he introduced us.

'Dawn is from California, too,' he added.

'Really?' Sara gave me a cool smile. 'Oh, now I remember,' she said, as if a light bulb had switched on inside her head. 'Dawn Schafer . . . the little girl you told me about.'

Little girl? I was steaming. What nerve. I needed a really stinging comeback, but my mind was a blank. And the next words out of Sara's mouth were even worse. 'I'm sure you've turned her into a real beauty, Travis,' she murmured."

Dude, what kind of fucked-up dynamics are going on here?! I'm so disturbed. Poor Dawn pulls it together, but kinda embarrasses herself further with her retort, snapping that she was "'already a beauty'."

In the end, Sensitive Mary Anne reminds Dawn about the plot of My Fair Lady and Dawn realizes she's Eliza Doolittle. And then she starts talking to animals and Mary Anne has to inform her that Eliza Doolittle and Dr. Dolittle are two entirely different characters and then she wonders if maybe Dawn has gotten into Sharon's stash. (I mean, why do you think she could never find anything? And stored her keys in the vegetable drawer and shit? Think about it.)

Nah, that didn't happen. It would've been more interesting, though. Dawn calls Travis on his shit and he doesn't get it but she feels vindicated in the end and then starts an epistolary romance with Logan's cousin Lewis ('cause those Kentucky boys like to keep it in the family). And by book 50 she's totally forgotten all these valuable lessons about loving you for you (or whatever). I think we all remember that particular clusterfuck.

* you: "did she just drop a Twilight reference? oh my GOD, she did. I am NEVER reading this blog AGAIN."
** I know.
*** Assuming she lets me burn her entire wardrobe and start from scratch.
**** Twilight jokes are both never AND always appropriate.

by Kim on Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Moment with Kim: Freaked Out Mexicans, College Clichés, Closets

You guys are hilarious (and that assessment is based on your comments alone -- I can't even imagine what it'd be like to get drunk together and perform dramatic reenactments of Important Fights in BSC History). Let's be friends forever, like the BSC spinoff series featuring ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS on the book covers (I hope the orginal series' illustrator was fired for being so annoyingly inconsistent). I was done with Stoneybrook by the time the whole Friends Forever series started, but I do remember gaping at the books all 'what the hell is going on here, Martin?'* They did a decent job casting Claudia, I guess. I mean, check it out! She's on a disaster date! Been there, lady.

Anyway, commenter Stace raised an important point. Stick this in your peace pipe and smoke it:

Why did [Dawn] always have to be cool anyway? Like if a guy in a sombrero came running into a BSC meeting shooting at them, everyone would go into hysterics but Dawn, who would just sit there munching celery saying "A freaked out Mexican? Who hasn't seen one?"
I would've read that Super Special HARD.

---------

For someone who is so deeply entrenched in Hipster Studies (read: sometimes I go to Urban Outfitters and tally up all the Minnetonka-wearing customers), you'd think I'd be an avid McSweeney's reader. But I am merely a casual McSweeney's reader, so let's thank Scarlett for tweeting me the link to the greatest McSweeney's list of all time: Titles From The Baby-Sitters Club: The College Years Series.

They're great**. And I feel like that list could go on forever. My suggestions:

  • Mary Anne and the Missed Period
  • Abby and the Sex Ed Improv Group
  • Stacey McGill, Sororstitute
  • Dawn Hits the Bong
  • Kristy and the Group Project From Hell
  • Claudia's Shoplifting Secret
Again: I would read those books hard. Shit, I would write those books hard. Scholastic! Call me! I like to drop f-bombs and use the word awesome to describe just about everything!

In other words, I am supremely qualified.

---------

Sometimes people think its a good idea to let me talk about my clothes on the internet. Lemondrop.com's Closet Fever series features fashion bloggers talking about their favorite items of clothing. And I am one of those bloggers! Neat!

Things to note: Frye Carmen side zip boots I spent way too much on, Paris Hilton pose, vague semblance of a smile (I tried, really I did), shelving unit stocked with skinny jeans, Laine-approved amounts of black and grey closet items, tacky ring (as seen on greasy mobster stereotypes).

Check out the rest of the feature here. Julie: thanks for giving me another opportunity to wax poetic about Frye shoes.

In the interest of full shopping habit disclosure: I bought shoes recently. I know, I've been making all these claims about how I'm not shopping anymore because I need to look into this whole 'future' thing. But it's totally fine because these puppies are extremely practical. Okay, whatever, they're not.

* Once I was waiting at Goodwill for my boyfriend to finish his shift and I ended up reading Claudia Gets Her Guy to pass the time. I don't remember much about the story, but I do remember being pleasantly surprised by the lack of annoying child-centric subplots.
** Although the image of Claudia in those wretched VS PINK sweatpants that college chicks seem to love makes me die a little inside.

by Kim on Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Moment with. . . woah! Woman, What Are You Wearing?

Mrs. Obama*, what the heck are you doing? The only explanation for this is that you are a big Kishi fan (okay, there are probably other explanations, but I have a blog about The Kishi so there's a certain direction I need to take this, dig?) and you're rocking some sort of tribute ensemble. Maybe you got some BSC books for Malia and Sasha at a garage sale. You seem like the kind of down-to-earth woman who can still appreciate the lure of a good garage sale, even though you happen to be, oh, the First Lady. So perhaps you were reading the books together - I appreciate your hands-on parenting style, for real - and you found yourself admiring the panache of the Kishi. So you woke up one day and decided 'elegant sheath dresses be damned! I'm going to do this up Claudia-style!'

It happens to all of us. I had a phase where I thought skirts over jeans was a really clever idea (I will try to find photographic evidence later so everyone can point and laugh merrily). But, honestly and with all due respect, I don't think this is the best look for you.

If I start seeing earrings made from paper clips, we are going to have to have a TALK.

* relevant: the entry in which I photoshopped the President's head onto Kristy Thomas' body. I'm still pretty proud of that.

by Kim on Tuesday, June 02, 2009

#82: Jessi and the Troublemaker

Breaking news: Jessi's hairstyle? A bun, adorned with a scrunchy. BREAKING NEWS, GUYS.

And I'm not even going to address the jeans.

"Stacey's sophistication shows up in the super-responsible and mature way in which she usually acts [book #83: Stacey vs. the BSC. Just sayin'.], but also in the way she dresses. We are pretty casually dressed at the BSC meetings, but even if Stacey is just wearing jeans like most of the rest of us, she goes one step further into cool [?]. For instance, today, when we were wearing sweaters and shirts [well, those both seem like logical choices, kid - do you want everyone else in leotards, too?], Stacey had on an oversized black sweater and a metallic gold t-shirt underneath. With her huge blue eyes and naturally dark lashes, and the shoulder length blonde hair that she keeps perfectly cut, she looked just like a model."

Jessi, what the hell: "But Claudia's sophistication and style are not big city. They're more artistic." The more I stare at this statement, the less sense it makes. Is it possible all the RL4 writing is rotting my brain? Also, why would 'big city' and 'artistic' be mutually exclusive?

Jessica Ramsey, you have so much to learn.
Which is logical, since you're 11.

"Claudia's style is unique. She doesn't often wear jeans, but she was wearing them today - only she'd cut patterns in the legs of the jeans (which were major faded) and was wearing leopard tights underneath so that they showed through. [I feel like we've all seen this on lookbook.nu.] She was wearing her Doc Martens with yellow shoelaces, and she'd used matching shoelaces to pull her hair back into a thick, long braid. Her earrings were a pair she made herself, out of little yellow feathers and black beads. And she was wearing a black and yellow striped flannel shirt buttoned up to her throat, with another pair of shoelaces made into a sort of bow tie."

BOW TIE.

(I hope season three of Gossip Girl brings us a scene in which Chuck Bass pulls open a drawer and it is just filled with, like, 100 bowties in perfect rows on some sort of custom-made bowtie organizer. They should be organized by color.)

by Kim on Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Is Susie Bubble the Claudia-est Blogger of All?

There are a lot of ladies out there who are truly bringin' the heat in terms of personal style. I used to post to Wardrobe Remix on occasion (because my jeans are very fascinating), so I have some idea of the kind of work and dedication that goes into chronicling one's wardrobe choices. There's the awkward 'photoshoot' process (made waaay more awkward if you don't have a partner in crime or camera remote and are forced to rely on the ten second dash method), the time and effort that goes into editing and composing entries, and of course the chutzpah needed to share your style with the world.

Before sitting down to write this entry I told myself sternly that I need to refrain from stock terms such as 'fierce bitch' because not everyone finds said b-word endearing. (Hi Mom.) Is 'sassy wench' politically correct and socially acceptable? Whatever.
This is Susie Bubble. Seriously, look at her and her blatant disregard for the so-called "rules" of fashion! Claudia approves! Susie is a style blogger (stylebubble.co.uk) from the United Kingdom whose dedication to the world of fashion never fails to amaze me. She's got an amazing, eclectic sense of style that mixes high fashion with thrift, diy, and high street items. In addition to chronicling her own sartorial concoctions, Susie keeps us up to date with informative, thoughtful posts about current news in the fashion world. For many of us (including yours truly, who is completely overwhelmed by the study of haute couture and only recently found out how to correctly pronounce Yves Saint Laurent), fashion bloggers are the best possible resource when it comes to industry news. Susie does an amazing job, and I kinda want to hug her and tell her she's fabulous and then maybe try on her shoes.

Like our heroine, Susie isn't just a consumer - she's also a creator. She teamed up with Borders & Frontiers to create a gorgeous t-shirt available for purchase through the blog. If I wasn't currently trying desperately to refrain from expanding my wardrobe - it's hard - for the sake of my paltry bank account, I'd already own three.
Check out this entry, where she shows off the design on both white and grey backgrounds while making lots of cute faces. As if I didn't love her enough already, her affinity for heathered grey jersey tees makes me just about squeal with glee (I'm currently wearing one right now! With jeans! Shocking, I know!).

If you aren't already a fan, go check out the blog. Her link list alone could keep you busy for days. Susie, you rock. Thanks for breaking the mold and sharing your unique viewpoints with the world.

You can also follow Susie on twitter. Thankfully, though she and Claudia may share a willingness to experiment with crazy hats, Susie's got her basic spelling and grammar skills down. Seriously, can you imagine following Kishi on twitter? It'd be all "their is a emergancy meating 2day somthing about not enouf clients shut up kristy".

by Kim on Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Prodigal Blogger Returns*: Kristy's Worst Idea Revisited



Let's muse on this cover for awhile. Do you love my handwritten notes? Yeah you do. I'm about to get into some serious analysis, so I'll direct you to dibbly-fresh's gallery for a closer look [EDIT: just kidding, I didn't realize blogger would provide a link to the large version. Click the pic. Marvel at the fashion.]. Feel free to add your input, because caring too much about books you read as a prepubescent is a community effort. Let's hold hands and sing the theme song. (I remember being incredibly sad that my parents didn't have HBO. I was all BUT MOM THERE IS A BSC TV SERIES WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?)

Abby, sit down. You haven't even been in the Baby-sitter's Club long enough to have built up any righteous indignation. Sure, I like your grey skinnies (they look a little bagged out, I would recommend throwing them in the dryer) even though they look suspiciously acid-washy, like maybe Claudia let you accompany her on her latest trip to American Apparel**. But I hate your shirt. Sure, I'm the least sporty person probably in the history of the world and I really dislike baseball. That doesn't mean I'm biased (it actually does). The shirt really does suck and hits at a weird length. It needs to be longer. Or shorter. Something.

Mallory and Jessi, I'm sorry. I can tell this is really stressful for you both. With that said, enough with the ballerina hairstyles, Jessica. We get it. You're the most dedicated 11 year old in the history of dance. You get up at 5:00 a.m. to practice in your basement every day. Mallory, never wear those colors together ever again. And get yourself to Lenscrafters because those glasses are atrocious.

Stacey, this may be the least "New York" you've ever looked. This is substitute teacher wear, Miss I'm So Very Sophisticated. Next.

Kristy, you know I love you. Upon review of the series, it turns out that the whole 'big mouth' thing is just a euphemism for 'sarcastic, snarky, and generally kinda awesome'. That doesn't make me any more okay with this ensemble. I know, I really have no right to say anything, especially since I own like 4 pairs of the same Forever 21 skinny jeans (they were $12.50, okay?). But at least put on a necklace or something. Flip flops instead of clunky white sneakers. Anything.

Mary Anne, your hair doesn't look completely horrific here. It's actually kinda cute. I don't really have anything else to say about you. I guess maybe I could reiterate my general disdain for the color pink, but whatever. You wouldn't listen anyway.

Claudia, if fashion was a video game, you would have already defeated Bowser and rescued the princess. You're wearing pinstriped denim. You're a sassy train conductor. Your shirt is drapey and involves ruffles, not unlike the one I am wearing right now. You're wearing dangly earrings you probably made yourself while you should have been learning how to spell. Please shift positions so I can see your shoes. With regards to whatever you're yelling at Mary Anne about: you are totally justified and I am on your side. Call me later - we can go shopping and gripe about your fellow club members.

* Trust me, I'm still an internet junkie. I am updating my tumblr, albeit mostly with pictures of Mary Kate Olsen and insightful captions like "fabulous", "give me your closet", etc. I also use twitter to prattle on about myself (because what is twitter for, really, if not vapid navel gazing?), Gossip Girl, etc. I love twitter, it's all about 140 character morsels of sometimes-wit. Also I've been big on channeling 17 year old billionaires lately. I'm thinking about investing in some bow ties.
** You're selling scrunchies now? For 6 dollars a pop? Oh for pete's sake, Dov. Pull it together.

by Kim on Monday, April 27, 2009

Shopping with Claudia: How Psyched Are You For Summer?

Yeah, me too. Today was ridiculously warm and summery and maxidress-worthy. (I know, maxidresses are a polarizing item, the topic of much debate. Personally, I love 'em. They're California Casual, guys! Totally Schafer-approved.) Since the shoe buying moratorium is still in place (I will admit to trying on a pair of Chloe knockoffs by Dolce Vita at T.J. Maxx today), I'll limit my seasonally-trigged shopping jones to window shopping at etsy.

Kishi-approved vintage (later in the series the ghostwriters started describing her as a thrift-store junkie, remember?) footwear below. Including a pair of ankle wrap sandals - you know how Claudia feels about shoes that lace up your calves.
Salina strappy sandals - size 10
Liz Wear fringe wrap sandals - size 6.5
Mixed Blues tricolor huraches - size 8.5
Pikolinos slingback sandals - size 7
Guijada handcarved clogs - size 9
Rieker laceup gladiators - size 6.5

Those purple Guijada heels . . . damn. Please, someone buy them and give them the love they deserve. They're amazing.

by Kim on Wednesday, April 22, 2009

#67: Dawn's Big Move

Sweet fancy Moses! Look at all that fashion! Put it all on me!How could Dawn leave her best friends? Easily. And to answer the follow up question ("but why?"): probably because her California friends are way more interesting and don't cry at Hallmark commercials. She's ready to trade diaper changes for eating disorders, and I don't think we should judge her for that. But that's not really my point.

I don't have the book with me, but I can guarantee you that the plot is most likely "I miss sunshine it's frikkin' cold on the East Coast alright I'm outta here but I'll be back soon and then I'll leave again forever because I like toying with Mary Anne's emotions and that Ann M. Martin woman said something about my own spinoff series." So we're just going to look at the cover, which is awe-inspiring enough to deserve its own entry. (I mean, if you're willing to put up with all the shoe posts, you're probably willing to put up with just about anything. I plan to test this theory next week with a fascinating blog entry about proper use of the subjunctive*. Stay tuned! Riveting content ahead!)

Kristy is totally over the rest of these hos. At least, that's what I'm gleaning from her body language and facial expression. Her sneakers are clunky and blindingly white. Her jeans are baggy and, like, cornflower blue. Her neck is turtled. The only element of surprise here is the sweater. Would Kristy Thomas really wear a sweater adorned by a row of pink daisies? I call shenanigans.

Stacey thinks her poor man's prep school look is going to get her into Constance Billard. Listen Stacey, only one member at a time can flee this coop, and it is not your turn. You can drop the club later when you discover the joys of shoplifting, but best believe you will never be a Waldorf minion. No matter how pleated your skirts are.

Mary Anne is wearing some sort of pointy toe oxford or boot exactly like the ones I see on modern day male hipsters in frighteningly tight jeans. Her jeans are unremarkable. The shirt, however, raises all kinds of questions. What the hell is going on there? It's salmon, it's got a mandarin collar, and it's ornamented by puke splashes, like maybe she had an early a.m. babysitting job with a sickly child. Why didn't she go home and change? Why does she have the same haircut as Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Why do I care?

Dawn is tired of Texas Tuxedo Classic and is thusly choosing to mix it up by switching out her ill-fitting blue jeans for ill-fitting black jeans. She is also rocking that scrunchy. Totally tubular!

Our Heroine needs to consider wearing longer shirts with her leggings. But I'm a kind soul and I can forgive (unless you're Stacey). Especially since this outfit really sums up what The Kishi is all about: cowboy boots, wacky-ass patterns (her weapon in the war against normalcy!), side ponytails, and unattractive hats. (After extensive zooming, possibly also earrings the size of jar lids.) Work it out, girl. A+.

* Not really.
Photo credit: dibbly-fresh.

by Kim on Sunday, April 19, 2009

Super Special #10: Sea City, Here We Come!*

"And then I could start thinking about serious things. Like which bikinis to take to Sea City."

The above quote reflects Claudia's frame of mind on the last day of summer school. Feel ya, girl. In fact, this is exactly how I feel about my impending graduation. I just want it to be over with so I can start thinking about how many times I will need to change my shoes during my wacky Sea City vacation.

When Claudia pulls her suitcase out of her closet, she finds three bags of pretzels. "So," she narrates, "we snacked while we packed." I'm telling you this because when I read that line my mind immediately went to Xzibit** (yo babysitting-dawg I hurd u like pretzels and travels so I put Rold Gold in ur Samsonite so u can snack while u pack***) and then I had to roll my eyes at myself for knowing so much about internet memes and so little about . . . well, anything of importance, really.

Moving on. Natural disasters follow the babysitters wherever they go, so it's only logical that a "gigantic" hurricane named Bill (we're pretty tight; I'm going to refer to him as Billy) comes along to test everyone's mettle****. Mr. Pike tells everyone to run and pack a few clothes ("enough for two days, tops") within fifteen minutes. This is challenging for Claudia.

"I was having a dilemma. I was wearing the only long pants I had packed, these overdyed navy jeans [more details, please]. I was also wearing a loose black cotton sweater over a white tank top. So if I packed my big purple Hawaiian shorts [I did the mental math for you and came up with a horrifying image, so let's just move on quickly], which were the next warmest pants, I'd be stuck having to wear an orange striped shirt [like clashing horribly has ever stopped her before?], which was the only long-sleeved one I'd brought. Unless I wore the sweater again over it . . .

'Uh, Claud?' Kristy said. 'Bill is a hurricane, you know - not a fashion show judge.'"

I kind of love Kristy Thomas. Bitch is hilar.

"I ended up packing three outfits - one in case it was cold and rainy, one in case it was warm and rainy, and one really nice one to change into if necessary (or if the weather cleared up). I thought that was very sensible. Oh, and some extra shoes and big bag of Mars bars I'd stashed away for a rainy day."

She did a way better job than I usually do, that's for sure. Last time I went back to my hometown I brought a pair of beaded flip flops, a pair of 4 inch cutout wedge sandals (I really enjoy the illusion of height) and a pair of thrifted oxfords which clearly once belonged to someone's adorably blue-haired grandmother. Since it was early frikkin' April in New York, guess which two pairs went totally unworn?

* Part 1. Mallory's makeover deserves a separate entry.
** worth watching.
*** I'm sure you can come up with better. I encourage you to do so - especially if there's hilarious photoshopping involved.
**** Mrs. Barrett exhibits (xzibits) an underwhelming amount of mettle, so Stacey steps in and assumes pretty much all parenting duties. The Babysitters Club: enabling negligent parents since 1986!

by Kim on Monday, April 13, 2009

A Moment with Kim: Shoe Buying Moratorium* Temporarily Lifted

Because . . . I mean . . . come on.
Remember a while back, when I mentioned the whole 90's revival we're experiencing? I said something about how I wasn't sure if I was pro or anti, but maybe I'd, like, break out my high school collection of Doc Martens. At least one of you was like "oh honey I would reconsider that." And I see your point, especially since my Docs were mostly of the chunky oxford variety. Plus, I wasn't sure they were really my thing. Until I saw these ridiculous Docs (1460 W Goldilocks). I mean, I'm basically wearing wallpaper ON MY FEET. You know that if I'd been shopping with our girl, she would have bought a pair too.

They were also a pretty sweet deal - $30 marked down from $109 at Famous Footwear. I am going to be stomping around in these things like nobody's business.

* The moratorium was put into place after I stumbled upon a pair of Frye Carmen boots for 60% off at Urban Outfitters. Extremely irresponsible. Totally worth it.

by Kim on Friday, April 10, 2009

A Moment with the Concept of 'Hipster': Not Just Parliaments and PBRs! (They Are Still Important.)

Thanks to tumblr and hipsterrunoff, I'm completely saturated with sarcastic and hilarious information about what it truly means to be a hipster. I recently looked up 'hipster' on urbandictionary (favorite definition: "You, for reading ironic, pseudo-intellectual dictionary entries on the word 'hipster'."), which led to me bein' all shame-faced and reaching for nail polish remover to get rid of the chipped black polish I may or may not have been wearing.

If you've yet to read Jeffro's Anatomy of a Hipster posts, go waste some time doing so. They are brilliant. Below are some of my favorites (disclaimer: no personal relevancy, of course - I am a magically original creature!*).
  • They are otherwise unable to read things that are not in big, bold Helvetica.
  • If you say "indie" ten times in the dark and in front of a mirror, Julian Casablancas will appear and blow cigarette smoke in your face.
  • They hate the mainstream, socio-political machine, but holy shit, do they love IKEA.
  • They prefer to have a full bed or larger so they have room to sleep with their MacBook, iPhone, Moleskine, a pile of dirty American Apparel clothes, a copy of last month's "Nylon", an ashtray full of Parliaments, and an empty beer bottle or two.
  • Crazy-ass patterns on hats and hoodies act as a hipster's camouflage in the war against normalcy.
  • They accessorize a lot so when their egos become too inflated, they'll be anchored and won't float away.
  • Hipster bars smell like unwashed armpits and arrogance.
  • Each one is waiting for someone else to say, "Wait. They don't love you like I love you..."
  • Most girls love Ed Westwick because they want a guy who is able to lock tongues passionately, be viciously spiteful, and then pass out in a drunken stupor -- all within the span of 3 minutes.
  • They'll express their love by burning you a mixed CD of obscure bands they think you should start listening to.
  • They don't shower because it's too mainstream.**
  • Guys make passes at girls with thick glasses.
* If you can't sense the sarcasm, we haven't been properly introduced. Maybe I should include relevant links to all the items on my tumblr which would serve as embarrassing illustrations of my overwhelming originality. I'll limit it to this. Oh, and this, because I have made that statement before in complete (if self-deprecating) earnest.
** Some of them are just lazy. I mean, not that I would know.

by Kim on Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic


This was before the mysteries got really out of control and the babysitters were, like, taking down mafia bosses and whatnot. They're good babysitters, Ann, I'll give you that. But you are pushing it with this crimefighter thing, for real. But this one didn't involve any jewel theives or deranged model wannabes (do you remember this book*? Looking at the cover makes my head explode a little.) This is a nice, simple story about Mary Anne's dad losing his marbles after the death of his wife and shipping Baby M.A. to the midwest and then never telling her about it. Okay, maybe not nice, so much.
Looking at this cover makes me think that the whole bowl-cut thing she rocked for the second half of the series was not a wise choice. But seriously, how suspenseful is that cover? She's got a frikkin' Maglite. You know shit's going down if there's a frikkin' Maglite involved.

So apparently Mary Anne lays out her clothes the night before. Unfortunately for us, she laid out "a pink sweater and chinos, with these cute little boots [she'd] just bought." She guesses that you could say her style is "basically pretty preppy." Also pretty boring, M.A.

"Dawn's room was kind of a mess that day. Clothes were flung all over the place. Her jewelry was scattered over her dressing table, and I counted about seven different shoes littering the floor. 'How can you even have any idea of what clean clothes you have?' I asked, shaking my head [in a disapproving schoolmarmish fashion, I'm sure].

'Oh, I know just where everything is,' said Dawn. 'For example, I'm thinking of wearing my denim skirt today [I sincerely hope it does not have a frayed hemline, but I suspect that frayed hemlines are the height of California Casual], and it's hanging on the closet doorknob. And with it, I'll wear my turquoise necklace [add some coral and antiqued silver and you'd have yourself a fan, Schafer], which is behind that book.'"

She should try my method.(That is, oh, maybe one-sixth of my necklace collection. I need to hire someone to follow me around whispering "recession" in my ear at all times, particularly when I'm at Target and those bastards are brazenly flaunting jewelry collections with names like 'global', 'tribal', 'wannabe hippie shit'**, etc.)

Mary Anne had Sugar Snaps for breakfast. Dawn had Healthi-Os. I just thought you'd want to know.

According to Mary Anne, Claudia is a really sophisticated dresser. "For example, that day she was wearing a lacy white top over a solid white bodysuit [I'd like to imagine she was wearing this one instead], a black mini skirt with white polka dots on it, lacy white leggings [I checked Urban Outfitters for an example but ended up getting distracted by these, which you know she would love], and red high-tops. Plus some really outrageous black-and-white jewelry (earrings and bracelets and necklaces [pile it on, baby, you got that]) that she'd made herself out of papier mâché. Claudia's an excellent artist. You should see the portrait she once painted of Tigger."

I'll pass.

"'Stacey and I went to the mall today, and I got the cutest jumpsuit,' [Dawn] said. "It's turquoise, with a wide black belt. Wait'll you see it.'

I didn't say anything, and she just kept on talking. 'Stacey got the same one in pink. I think we're both going to wear them to school tomorrow. Or would that be dumb? Like we were trying to look like twins?'"

Yes.

Finally, let me introduce you to an insult so scathing it practically [write in something funny here; I can't do all the work].
Yeah. You heard her. "Stacy doesn't know a cactis when she sees one." You can use this. Next time you're at a party and someone drops a drink, just shake your head sadly and say "[Drink Dropper] doesn't know a cactus when [s/]he sees one." When the person you're speaking to asks "huh?" just roll your eyes and walk away. You will be known as a Woman of Mystery. Trust me, works every time.

* photo credit to dibbly-fresh. I bet you thought this was going to be some sort of sassy remark, didn't you.
** hey! Target! Need a marketing mastermind?

by Kim on Monday, March 30, 2009

Hipster Claudia Would Love This:

photo by AJ Fosik (check out the entire collection of beer sweaters here).

by Kim on Saturday, March 28, 2009

#65: Stacey's Big Crush

This entire book was an exercise in secondhand embarrassment.
Jessi is feeling the secondhand embarrassment as well. If there was a thought bubble over her head, it would read "oh honey no." But Stacey is beyond help. She's wearing a green bow in her hair that matches her dress. She's probably had her hair recently re-permed. She's probably wearing Love's Baby Soft. All in all, she is a hot mess pining over a substitute math teacher who looks like a Ken doll and is following a white tie dress code at a damn middle school dance. Dude, seriously.

I can't help you, McGill, so let's move on.

"She's also one of the two fashion plates of the BSC. The other? Hrrrmph. Yours truly. Okay, I know it sounds snobbish, but all I'm saying is that Claud and I are the most clothes-crazy of the members. We like to follow new trends (and set them, if we can). Claudia likes experimenting more than I do, though. She can throw together the wildest hats and vests and shoes - stuff you wouldn't dream of wearing - and look sensational. She loves to wear her hair in different ways and is crazy about wild-colored barrettes."

It does sound snobbish, Stacey, it does. (See, it's funny because if Claudia had said that I'd be in complete (effusive) agreement. These are the jokes.)

"Then I thought of something extremely important. My clothes. [Validation! I knew thinking about my clothes was extremely important - thanks, A.M.M./Ghostwriters!] I had gone to class wearing an oldish pair of stretch pants and an oversized turquoise men's shirt. Not awful, but not spectacular. There was no way I'd make the same mistake the next day.

I rifled through my closet. One by one, I looked at my best outfits.

Long red gown? Too dressy. Stone-washed jeans (with a knit top)? Too [cobrasnake] casual. Paisley-print stirrup pants? Too faded.

I started the process at 4:35. By 5:05, I found myself staring at a short, rayon challis tank dress my mom had ordered for me. It was navy with white polka dots. The fitted top taped down to a flared skirt, with white buttons down the front. It was feminine, yet comfortable-looking. Absolutely perfect."

Stacey says that she can't wait to tell Claudia about her outfit. Claudia, being fairly practical, is like "Stacey, chill out, this is crazy talk." You can't help her either, Claudia.

"When I told her I was thinking of wearing thong sandals, Claudia suggested instead the new white sneakers I'd just bought, made of eyelet canvas with lace shoelaces.

'Ooh, good idea,' I said. 'Now, what scent does this outfit go with? Should I wear Lauren, or is that too, like, twentysomething?'

'I think it's fine,' Claudia said. 'But, uh, don't forget, Stace. This is a class. Wes is a teacher.'"

I'm not even sure I have it in me to continue with all the navel-gazing and pining Stacey does over the course of this book. It is absolutely hilarious to read from a - to quote Stacey - twentysomething perspective. I wish I could remember what I thought of it while reading it as a kid. Anyway, I'm resorting to a bulleted list, because the fashion (and quotes) just kept on comin' with this work of art.
  • "From my secret psychological study of Wes, I had reached an important conclusion. He preferred dresses to slacks. So on Friday I wore a light, springlike sundress."
  • "I vowed to myself that the next day, Friday, I would wear pants to school for the first time in two weeks. Who cared if Mr. Wesley Ellenburg liked dresses? Besides, how did I know how he felt about clothes, anyway? I had completely misjudged his feelings about me, hadn't I? By the next morning, I had begun to have second thoughts. Maybe I hadn't misjudged Wes's [sic] feelings. Sure, he was a twenty-two-year-old man, but that was still young. Everyone knows boys mature more slowly than girls. Maybe he was confused. Maybe he found it too hard to talk about feelings. Maybe he liked me so much he couldn't find the words to say so. I wore the polka-dotted tank dress to school that day."
Oh girl. I have a book for you.
  • "It was Friday, a half hour before the Spring Dance. Mom and I had gone shopping at Bellair's after school. With her employee discount, she had been able to buy me one of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen."
  • " I stood in the bathroom and admired it. It was a calf-length silk/cotton dress with pastel floral print, a scoop neck, and a shirred skirt that was slit to above the knee on one side . . . Then I checked my makeup in the mirror, slipped on my bracelet and silver hoop earrings, and stepped into my flats. I pulled my hair back and fastened it with a ribbon. I was ready. 'Watch out, Wes,' I said to the stunning blonde in the mirror."
  • "See you at the dance Friday night. Those words kept repeating in my head. He had said them to me. I know it was a harmless statement, but he didn't have to have said it. He could have said 'see you in class,' which had been what he usually said. But no. He had specifically mentioned the dance to me."
  • what Jessi wore: "an indigo blue unitard [of fucking course] with a matching open-mesh oversized cardigan."
At the dance, Stacey makes an ass of herself, to put it plainly. She asks this poor man (god, he's three years younger than me) to dance to some slow song, and he tries to be polite and says that he's winded, maybe the next song. And she actually responds "the next one might not be so . . . slow."

I die.

So of course he has to awkwardly explain to her that 22 and 13 are more different than she thinks, he's a teacher, etc. Finally. But he totally creeps me out by starting off with "Stacey, you are a brilliant, talented, attractive girl . . ." Seriously, is that at all appropriate within the context of that conversation? I want this Miss Carr wannabe kicked out of Stoneybrook Middle School before someone gets pregnant.

And how glad are you that that stupid plotline is done with? And the equally stupid Eyes Wide Shut thing? And can we talk about the sheer homicial rage on Chuck's face at the end of Monday's episode*? That was pretty intense, huh? Would you say that it was more or less OH SNAP inducing than the "I killed someone" scene from All About My Brother?

* and how hot is that Home Video song?**
** and how much do I love asterisks?

by Kim on Saturday, February 28, 2009

A Moment with Kim: This Outfit Can Be Un-Fugged (and Claudia Approves!)

I was mindin' my own business, clicking around my google reader, when I saw this fugging. It is a near epic fug (on a positive note, you gotta give it up for Love-Hewitt's gorgeous hair). And yet - I understand if we can't be friends anymore because of this statement, but I'll really miss your company and would like you to know that I've treasured our time together - I kind of love it. And I think it can be redeemed, as indicated by the title of this post.

Man. That is beautiful. I can't even glance at this picture without becoming absolutely transfixed by the afghan/poncho/cardigan. It is so befuddling, and - maybe because it's so damn befuddling - I find myself wanting one. Claudia and I had to have a serious meeting to unpack our feelings about this ensemble. We made it through an entire can of Pringles and a bag of Hershey's Kisses before coming up with a solution.

Let me take you through the redemption process, step by step (this will involve some visualization on your part).

  • Obviously, the first step is to burn the Louis Vuitton.
  • Trade the white long-sleeved tee shirt in for a black version. That poncho-thing is a (textbook example of a) statement piece, and I think it would pop better against a black background.
  • Take the poncho-thing's hemline up about a foot.
  • I'm not super into the idea of "fashion rules" (I combine neutrals a lot, for one thing) but I do think this outfit makes a solid case for the theory that if you're wearing loose/flowy/oversized on top, you should be wearing something more streamlined on the bottom. Trade the ill-fitting flares for skinny jeans.
  • Add heels. My suggestions (based mostly on the concept of 'I would wear these, so why shouldn't you? And J. Love-Hew.? Even Cindy-Lou Who?'): 1. Check's in the Mail 2. On the Wire 3. Agatha 4. Marta 5. Fontane
  • Commence being awesome.

Anyone with me on this?

(Photo credit: FlynetOnline.com and Go Fug Yourself)

by Kim on Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Moment with Kim: The Answer to M.I.A.'s 'Where Were You in '92' Query

Maybe you were not aware that nine year old Kim was pretty serious about BSC-inspired fashion.
Maybe you are a fool.

I posted this picture on my facebook a while back and one of my friends commented "do you wish you still had that skirt?". Damn straight I do! And check out that beaded fringe. It's all about the details, guys.

Shortly after this photo was taken (perhaps mere minutes!) I entered my awkward phase, which lasted approximately a decade.

by Kim on Saturday, February 07, 2009

Super Mystery #1: Baby-sitters' Haunted House

So this isn't a full entry. There are plenty of fashionable hijinks in this particular masterpiece, though - I do plan on revisiting it. Plus, Claudia spends the entire book getting hit on by some guy my age (slight exaggeration), so good for her. But we'll cover that ground later. Let's limit our focus to the cover for now, because holy Urban Outfitters, Batman.


Are you feeling me on this?

Ignore Dawn and Kristy - they're both beyond redemption. I mean, Dawn is following Claudia's lead and borrowing shirts from Mr. Kishi's closet, but she's also borrowing his shorts. (I see no other explanation for the khaki monstrosities she's sporting.) And the socks! Kristy's in the summer version of her uniform, having swapped out the turtleneck-sweater combo for a nondescript red t-shirt she certainly didn't get at Hipster Paradise.

However. Check out MA! You know the folks over at Urban love a good vest. They probably wouldn't combine it with that particular t-shirt unless it was, like, Charlotte Ronson approved, but whatever. Cut a couple inches off those shorts - and maybe hit them up with some bleach - and they'd totally be Rumi approved. (This is not a knock on Rumi, she's all sorts of fierce.)

You'll also note that both MA and Claud are wearing sandals that would not be out of place in the UO catalog. Claudia herself looks like she just stepped out of one of their editorials. Except maybe she should look more morose, and perhaps the UO stylists are not into side ponytails the way our girl is.

Also, while I was scouring UO's site for evidence to support this theory, I ran across these and I'm pretty sure you should buy them for me. I saw them in person when I was visiting my friend Joe in Brooklyn, and I was all "Joe! Look at these shoes! I love them!" and he was all "hmm, that's nice." He's very tolerant, but how excited is a straight male really going to get over a pair of grey booties?

(As is the case with most book covers I post, credit to the dibbly-fresh gallery for enabling my laziness.)

by Kim on Wednesday, February 04, 2009

#63: Claudia's Freind Friend

Man, I gotta figure out my winter footwear situation. Yesterday I made the mistake of wearing my campus boots, which have no traction whatsoever. I slid around a lot and stumbled/half-fell while trying to scale the rock-hard lump of snow and ice between the sidewalk and the bus. So this morning I was all "well, I won't repeat THAT mistake!" and decided to wear a pair of Doc Martens. On my walk to the bus stop, I realized they weren't much better than the campus boots. "Be careful getting on the bus, self," I warned.

I never listen to me.

Yeah, I fell. And not a little bit. I nearly slid all the way under the damn bus. (And I lost my hat, which I didn't realize until I got to work. I'm bummed - it was a cute knitted hipster-beret from h&m and it was the perfect shade of rust orange.) Some people, after suffering such a humiliation, would probably put it out of their mind and try not to think about it. I, on the other hand, whipped out my phone and started texting people about my grace, elegance, and snow-covered ass. And now I'm blogging about it.

Maybe later I will perform some dramatic reenactments.

This would never happen to Claudia . . . but if it did she'd probably make a collage about it.

"I guess you could say I am a student of fashion, too. I like clothes: colors, textures, surprises. (Which makes me a sort of ongoing work of art, I guess.) But I do think I have a unique style, and a good one, too. In fact (although this may sound conceited [you've earned it, no worries]), except for one other person at SMS, I think I am the fashion czar, or czarina, or whatever. This other person is Stacey, who is my best friend and the treasurer of the Baby-sitters Club."

There's no competition, Claud.

"I jumped down the last two front steps of the school and landed by Stacey.

She gave me a sideways glance and then said, 'If I got a pair of purple high-tops, could I do that?'

'Only if you have ankle socks with lavender lace trim.'"

Did your mom make you wear ankle socks with lace trim? Mine did.

"I was giggling at the memory of the perfume disaster* when Kristy said, 'Dress up? What do you mean, dress up?' Kristy is a full-fledged tomboy, and a dedicated casual dresser. She almost always wears jeans, a turtleneck shirt, and sneakers.

I looked thoughtful.

'Well, I was thinking of a long dress, some high heels, maybe doing something really special with my hair.' [More special than the Pebbles ponytail?]

Stacey caught on right away.

'Excellent idea, Claudia. I've got a terrific three-quarter length ballerina skirt and this cool crop top jacket.' [Oh you do, do you?]

'Skirts! Heels! I was thinking maybe a special shirt to go with my good jeans.'

Kristy, our fearless BSC president, looked so alarmed that we couldn't help ourselves, and we started laughing. After a moment, she laughed, too.

'You got me,' she admitted**."

What Claudia wore to babysit the Rodowsky kids: "basic jeans and big old shirt. It's my spill-proof, accident-proof outfit, and when you baby-sit for Jackie . . . that kind of fashion planning is key."

Nannie Thomas is supa fly: "Nannie was wearing a pink silk dress with a wide twisted silver and pink sash, sparkly silvery earrings, and these really cool flat pale silver slippers."

"On Saturday afternoon I stood in my closet, staring at my clothes. Normally, I don't mind being in the closet. [Neither does Zac Efron.] But the usual closet rules that make it interesting - avoid wearing the exact same outfit twice [Adult Claudia probably has a lot of credit card debt], be outrageous [truly, truly, truly outrageous], and look cool AND terrific - didn't exactly apply today."

I wonder what Claudia's rules say about falling over in front of a bunch of strangers. I tried my best to look cool AND terrific.

* Reference to the Shadow Lake trip - Karen and company doused themselves with (quote) "Lovely Lady perfume", basically smelling up the entire lake with Eau de Baby Prostitute. God, Karen was so annoying. Even as an 8 year old I could recognize that she was a total pain in the ass.

** Ghostwriter missed an opportunity here: Kristy spent the rest of the chapter contemplating revenge. No one 'gets' Kristy Thomas!